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Old 06-20-2013, 07:03 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

Not torture (and yes I know you were being sarcastic).

I'm pretty basic. I have a couple of rules-and I do mean COUPLE. I expect to be treated a certain way and I expect chores to be done. No abusing others.

She spent a full day alone in her room-for the other kids-that would have NO effect.
My son-liked eating soap-so THAT didn't work for him. lol.

Each kid has their own personality and whatever the consequences are, have to be tailored to the child.

Sourpea has a HUGE emotional attachment to her cd.s They are recordings of GG reading all of her books to her. She has hundreds. Taking those and not allowing her to have any contact with anyone but me and her brother for a full day-that's a huge consequence for her. It DOES have a significant effect.

On the other hand,
If I want SweetPea to stop a behavior that is bothering me-I pretty much just have to look at him (he's 13 now). When he was 5 he lied to me. A few minutes later, he came back in tears and confessed ( I hadn't caught it). He punished himself.

SpicyPea was more difficult. She was the one who stood in timeout for 13 hours at the age of 4 because she flat refused to apologize. She was always like that-once she made her mind up, it didn't matter what the consequence was-because she had already decided she was willing to take the consequence.

However-the bottom line is-that in the first few years of life, they weren't allowed to question anything, so much as starting to talk back resulted in a loss of all privileges. The lines are towed straight, hard and narrow. By the time they hit 4-5, they know, if you push me-I will annihilate you.

SourPea was confined to her room for one day because she talked back-one sentence to me.

They don't push further than that. Because I have (literally) taken every item they own, every book, every toy, every item of clothing except 2 pairs of sweatpants, t-shirt, socks and undies- and burned them. Dressers, bed, everything and left the room flat fucking empty. And left it that way for months-while they were confined.
That was the result of flunking out of math for one kid and for Salty Pea when he got caught stealing from GG.

(and before you ask-yes children services IS aware and they were 100% supportive of the consequences).

It took SpicyPea 3 months to redo every assignment for math and get an A. She was in an empty room the whole time. But-no, I don't repurchase all of the stuff that was burned in the burnpile. They can slowly earn those over the years.
SaltyPea opted to run away-haven't seen him in 3 years-and frankly-don't regret it. it's been awesome with him gone.

So yes Boring-it was a gentle consequence, and yet it was productive. There's no need to take it further unless she pushes it again. If she gets busted back talking again any time soon-she already knows, she will lose everything except her books. If she does it a 3rd time-those go too.

But-I don't expect it will happen. She's a smart kid and she doesn't want those consequences.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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