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  #481  
Old 06-20-2013, 07:03 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Not torture (and yes I know you were being sarcastic).

I'm pretty basic. I have a couple of rules-and I do mean COUPLE. I expect to be treated a certain way and I expect chores to be done. No abusing others.

She spent a full day alone in her room-for the other kids-that would have NO effect.
My son-liked eating soap-so THAT didn't work for him. lol.

Each kid has their own personality and whatever the consequences are, have to be tailored to the child.

Sourpea has a HUGE emotional attachment to her cd.s They are recordings of GG reading all of her books to her. She has hundreds. Taking those and not allowing her to have any contact with anyone but me and her brother for a full day-that's a huge consequence for her. It DOES have a significant effect.

On the other hand,
If I want SweetPea to stop a behavior that is bothering me-I pretty much just have to look at him (he's 13 now). When he was 5 he lied to me. A few minutes later, he came back in tears and confessed ( I hadn't caught it). He punished himself.

SpicyPea was more difficult. She was the one who stood in timeout for 13 hours at the age of 4 because she flat refused to apologize. She was always like that-once she made her mind up, it didn't matter what the consequence was-because she had already decided she was willing to take the consequence.

However-the bottom line is-that in the first few years of life, they weren't allowed to question anything, so much as starting to talk back resulted in a loss of all privileges. The lines are towed straight, hard and narrow. By the time they hit 4-5, they know, if you push me-I will annihilate you.

SourPea was confined to her room for one day because she talked back-one sentence to me.

They don't push further than that. Because I have (literally) taken every item they own, every book, every toy, every item of clothing except 2 pairs of sweatpants, t-shirt, socks and undies- and burned them. Dressers, bed, everything and left the room flat fucking empty. And left it that way for months-while they were confined.
That was the result of flunking out of math for one kid and for Salty Pea when he got caught stealing from GG.

(and before you ask-yes children services IS aware and they were 100% supportive of the consequences).

It took SpicyPea 3 months to redo every assignment for math and get an A. She was in an empty room the whole time. But-no, I don't repurchase all of the stuff that was burned in the burnpile. They can slowly earn those over the years.
SaltyPea opted to run away-haven't seen him in 3 years-and frankly-don't regret it. it's been awesome with him gone.

So yes Boring-it was a gentle consequence, and yet it was productive. There's no need to take it further unless she pushes it again. If she gets busted back talking again any time soon-she already knows, she will lose everything except her books. If she does it a 3rd time-those go too.

But-I don't expect it will happen. She's a smart kid and she doesn't want those consequences.
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  #482  
Old 06-20-2013, 07:59 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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When i read this kind of thing, i am glad i arranged my life differently.

But, it seems better than those "time outs" that don't mean anything and let the kid hold the parent hostage.
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  #483  
Old 06-20-2013, 11:53 PM
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There are some definite benefits to living a child-free life. Even if you "borrow" other people's children, you can always send them home.
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  #484  
Old 06-23-2013, 01:26 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Gotta love stupid drama huh?


GG has some major issues with certain aspects of his ADD (don't we all struggle to get things in order at times).
Anyway-a few of them have some dramatic negative impacts on the rest of us when he lets things go. Financially especially.

So anyway-I confronted him about something this week-and he openly acknowledged letting it go (again). It really ticks me off. It has LONG TERM financial ramifications for our family -and FOR US MOVING THE FUCK OUT OF THE THIS FROZEN WASTELAND and he's done is often enough that it's OBVIOUSLY something he needs to FACE UP AND DEAL WITH.

Anyway-he started his pity party "i love you i miss you im so sorry" texts (from upstairs to me downstairs) afterward. It annoyed me.

I wrote him back that in fact, I don't miss him right now-I don't DESIRE being around someone when they are screwing me over and I don't accept "I'm sorry" when you do the same thing repeatedly. I'm sorry means you have learned that what you did was wrong and you are taking steps to ensure it doesn't happen again.

Anyway-nothing severe or shocking happening-he's moping and upset because he screwed up and knows it. There's not a lot to say. Not a lot to do. Buckle down (again) and pay off the debt (again) and start over on putting money away and getting his credit cleaned up (again) so we can plan a move (again). UGH.

In the meantime-I'm not IN THE MOOD for "us" and I'm keeping my distance-which is devastating for him. I'm not trying to punish him. Not really sure where the line is between my need for SPACE from someone who is doing something that is harmful to me-indirectly & the line where yes, I do love you and I'm sorry you are hurting....

But-where ever it is-at the moment, I don't intend to step up to it....
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  #485  
Old 07-10-2013, 03:17 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Today is 14 years of marriage for macs and I.
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  #486  
Old 07-10-2013, 04:12 PM
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Happy Anniversary a day late!
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  #487  
Old 07-11-2013, 12:09 AM
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franchescasc franchescasc is offline
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Default Happy Anniversary!

My hubs and I just celebrated our 14th too Congrats!
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  #488  
Old 07-11-2013, 12:12 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Happy belated anniversary! I hope it was a wonderful one, and I wish you both many more to come!

Ry
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  #489  
Old 07-16-2013, 06:35 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Default out of the closet=controlling your own time

It was very nice.
Most especially because there hasn't been any significant drama in so long.

I have noticed a lot recently, questions about how to manage to get quality time with partners, while remaining in the closet about having additional partners.

I can't help but continue to scratch my head over it.

The answer is so simplistic that when I type it-it comes off smartass, cocky, even demeaning. But seriously-it's not. It's just the simple truth.

If you want to be free to choose who you spend your time with, then you have to choose to take charge of your life and not parcel the "in charge" out to everyone else.
That means not changing who you are in order to avoid someone else's offense.

There will always be those who don't approve of whatever it is you do in life. But-why do they deserve to be catered to?
They don't.

If they can't treat you with respect, even if they disagree with your lifestyle, drop them. It doesn't matter if they are related or not. People who treat you like shit because they don't like how you live don't need have you in their life-it's OBVIOUSLY upsetting for them. So, move on.
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  #490  
Old 07-17-2013, 02:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Today is 14 years of marriage for macs and I.
Congratulations!
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