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  #11  
Old 06-18-2013, 03:49 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Originally Posted by kittenkittykat View Post

Today seemed a little more promising since she did express some loving care towards me. She actually has been sick all day but thanked me for takimg care of all the household duties and the child. Even hugged me.
L

Wow, so she likes it when you cook and clean and babysit. Maybe there is hope for your situation after all.

I wonder if she'd hug me if I cleaned her house and took care of her kid.
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  #12  
Old 06-18-2013, 03:58 AM
kittenkittykat kittenkittykat is offline
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Dude she was sick and has been for a few days. Love is stepping out of what makes you comfortable and helping when it's needed. Hubby was gone working and she was ill so I took the lead and helped where help was needed. She has taken care of me when when I wasn't able to take care of myself. I really do see the connection coming back again.
L
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  #13  
Old 06-18-2013, 04:37 AM
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Natja Natja is offline
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You see a connection coming back because she had the manners to 'thank you'?
You have some low expectations........

She is supposed to thank you! That's called MANNERS! It is no more a sign of increasing connection than tipping the waitress.
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  #14  
Old 06-18-2013, 04:46 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
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It's hard to tell the "volume" over there with your situation.

Quote:
I just feel that I don't think I should have to say hey I want to watch tv or feel like I have to ask for my basic needs of affection to be met.

This could be taken like... you expect mind readering or you expect basic consideration or you are so used to being ignored you no longer want to risk putting it out there and get another ignore-fest.

Which makes this...
Quote:
We also talked about that I need to be talking to them if an issue comes up rather than just sweeping my feelings aside.
... hard to tell if that is them telling you not to expect them to mind reader and honestly trying to understand you.

Or them blame shifting to flip it back on to you so as not have to address their own shortcomings/lack of considerateness. Making it be YOUR shortcomings only.

Or them giving you promises to change (the honeymoon phase of the abuse cycle) while really it's another stop on the merry go round.

http://unsettlingsettlers.files.word...lence_new4.gif
http://www.teensagainstabuse.org/images/Cycle.jpg

I guess only you can tell what it is. From your other posts and stories about your situation it's weird sounding over there.

I certainly hope you are NOT being hurt -- physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, etc.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 06-18-2013 at 04:52 AM.
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  #15  
Old 06-18-2013, 05:16 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Natja View Post
You see a connection coming back because she had the manners to 'thank you'?
You have some low expectations........

She is supposed to thank you! That's called MANNERS! It is no more a sign of increasing connection than tipping the waitress.
It's less of a connection because the waitress is usually not in a relationship with you and wanting to birth a baby with your husband. Also, if a customer stiffs a waitress, that's one customer out of many. I'd say the waitress has it far better than the OP.
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  #16  
Old 06-18-2013, 05:19 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kittenkittykat View Post
Dude she was sick and has been for a few days. Love is stepping out of what makes you comfortable and helping when it's needed.
L
So, it makes you uncomfortable to do all these things but you do them anyway because of "love" and "need"? Whose love and whose need? Your love for him and her need for you?

what about this having a baby with these people? does that make you uncomfortable, but you'll do it anyway because you love him and she needs your uterus?

Last edited by BoringGuy; 06-18-2013 at 05:22 AM.
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  #17  
Old 06-18-2013, 07:31 AM
kittenkittykat kittenkittykat is offline
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We all three just got done having a very long conversatin. Followed by cuddling and spending some quality time together. I work a very physically demanding job and on my days at work and they have been worried about me not having enough rest is Why they haven't wanted to keep me awake with watching movies etc.

I do feel after our talk that things are going to be bette. I am not being abused by them. They have never hurt me intentionally. I mean stuff happens and w hurt people unintentionally but that's life.
L
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  #18  
Old 06-18-2013, 11:48 AM
Hetaera Hetaera is offline
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If there is a problem, you need to address it with them directly. You need to be open & honest about your feelings without dumping on them. Ignoring you in this way doesn't sound good although there could be a need for them to spend time together. Maybe you just need to invite yourself in. Are you feeling like an intruder? Or is it just them not including you?

Get this out in the open ASAP & stop wondering. Wondering & fretting will get you nowhere.
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  #19  
Old 06-18-2013, 02:31 PM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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I wonder if when you all were living separately, getting together was an "event." Now, you have moved in and life is mundane and routine. It no longer feels like an event. Could this be the difference? It is hard for a relationship to be an event 24/7.

They may be wondering why you just don't join them while they watch TV. And may assume, you need your space.
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  #20  
Old 06-18-2013, 02:39 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Things need to be negotiated. You still haven't told us, is this a triad or a V? Do they want to "share" you or does the h move back and forth, giving one on one time to each woman?

You said she rarely hugs you anymore (being sick and thanking you for housework and childcare doesn't count). Do you 2 have a sexual/romantic relationship? You sound like a slave to me. Since you mentioned the Emaw name as Hebrew for mother, I am getting a Sarah/Hagar vibe.
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