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  #261  
Old 06-17-2013, 01:04 AM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Just treat each other with respect and mind your own business about relationships you are not a partner in. Only if it involves the well-being of the kids can you meddle.
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  #262  
Old 06-17-2013, 02:37 AM
Eponine Eponine is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
Pretty much the only rule I have set in stone which my partners must abide by is that my partners don't try to control me with their rules.
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Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
Just treat each other with respect and mind your own business about relationships you are not a partner in.
Pretty much this. As a relationship anarchist I find rigid rules suffocating. Also I tend to see an intimate relationship as a close friendships at its core, so basically what applies to friendships, i.e. respect and freedom instead of entitlement, should apply to relationships as well.
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Last edited by Eponine; 06-17-2013 at 03:05 AM.
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  #263  
Old 06-17-2013, 04:20 AM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
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Default In most states Dagferi

You need a warrant to enter a persons house when the doors are locked. And I don't think even homeland security violates people with the behavior I've bore witness to
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  #264  
Old 06-17-2013, 06:49 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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We dont have many...i ask my husband he not perform oral sex unless he knows her well (Safe sex, but also just a thing for me) and we always ask before going on a date, or getting physical. Not much else...he speaks freely with my bf, they get on well. My bf and his spouse dont have discussed boundaries, but thats actually a budding problem if you ask me.
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  #265  
Old 06-17-2013, 07:26 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Originally Posted by Dirtclustit View Post
You need a warrant to enter a persons house when the doors are locked. And I don't think even homeland security violates people with the behavior I've bore witness to
Wtf are you talking about?

I never meantion anyone entering anyone's home.

Seriously you need some help.
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  #266  
Old 06-17-2013, 09:52 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
Wtf are you talking about?

I never meantion anyone entering anyone's home.

Seriously you need some help.


Even though this is off topic a bit, he DOES have a point. In most states if not all you DO need a warrant. Well, not "you", but "they". THEY need a warrant . Or they are supposed to. However, if there is screaming or a characteristic odor of rotting flesh coming from inside the dwelling, i think the cops are allowed to kick down the door or drill through the wall in order to get in. Furthermore, i disagree that Homeland Security would violate that requirement. I happen to know for a fact that Franklin Veaux moonlights as an agent for the DHS, and part of it involves sneaking into people's storage units and homes and copying their papers. Then he returns them and makes it look like someone randomly broke in and didn't have time to look around because they thought they heard people coming.

If that is not painfully obvious to EVERYONE, then i truly do not know what else to tell you.
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  #267  
Old 06-17-2013, 10:44 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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LOLOL, good lord.
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  #268  
Old 06-17-2013, 11:37 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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LOLOL, good lord.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEfSamRnA-c

ETA: I am not certain whether any animals were harmed during the making of this video, or not. It doesn't SHOW any animals being harmed, so that is at least a step in the right direction. But I am a little concerned about the non-consensual drug use and the use of sex as a means to an end (other than pregnancy).

Last edited by BoringGuy; 06-17-2013 at 11:58 PM.
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  #269  
Old 06-18-2013, 05:56 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Yes, this type of video is a good example of why we have rules.
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  #270  
Old 08-25-2013, 06:43 PM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Question discussion, rules etc

I realize for each person there are different parameters of when a potential new love/mate/date meets our current spouse/partner/lover. I've been on okcupid for a bit and have just started talking with a man who is non-monogamous, is accepting that I am poly and (this is a first) has not discussed having sex or asked for pictures. We are just getting to know each other and he wants to meet me.

I wanted to tell dh last night but he had a bad night at work so the timing didn't feel right. But not telling him right away made me feel like I was hiding something even though I was just waiting for the right moment. This morning while he's getting ready for work, I let him know I'd been talking to someone, who isn't looking for a fwb but is actually interested in more, a possible poly relationship. Lesson 1 and a rule now: do not bring up a potential with dh in the mornings, this is when he feels most unsure of this journey (those fears of his).

During the conversation dh asked when he'd get to meet M (okc guy). I didn't know how to respond as I haven't even met him yet. I don't know if there will even be a connection until we meet. And so we are now at a "boundary/rule" moment. DH and I need to figure out when a new interest meets him and vice versa, me. DH's comment was if I didn't want M and him to meet then I'd be secretive about all of it. That's not my intention at all. I want to be completely open and I don't want to feel like I have to hide anything (except from our kids for now) but that comment has me concerned.

So what I am asking is those who have a thought on this: how soon after the first date, if there is a second, do you introduce a potential interest to your current partners? Also, how to convey to M or any potential that part of dh's and I's "boundaries" we need them to meet each other? I'm sure the new person might feel a bit intimidated. Please remember I'm sort of in a in between place. I haven't met M yet, we have talked on okc about a few things but not about us as we both know there might not be a connection. Do I discuss the meeting of dh on the first date?

Thanks in advance for any and all responses.

PS also, when do I tell M about PR? And vice versa, tell PR about M? Is it when I know it will become more than a few dates?

Last edited by alibabe_muse; 08-25-2013 at 06:50 PM.
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boundaries, boundary negotiation, boundary pushing, boundary setting, broken agreements, dating, guidelines, jealousy, managing relationships, negotiation, poly, primary, rules, rules vs boundaries, secondary, trust issues, veto

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