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  #11  
Old 01-26-2010, 07:24 PM
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I am not sure that the "general discussion" category on here is the best place to post questions about another site. Perhaps in "chit chat"... to me it may just very well give a tone because it is posted here where as there was no tone intended.

The site Raven has developed is meant for an exclusive group of people who wish to remain that way. I have no investment in that at the best of times myself as I am inclusive of everyone, so perhaps your reaction to the questions is because of that? Just a thought.

It seems it is an attempt to lesson the dating pool and talk to others of like mind. I'm sure there are other ways to find people who are like minded for you and although it kind of feels that you are left out of something, you actually are left out of something quite small. There is a whole world of poly folk out there that I am sure you would fit better. I would think that you would meet whoever is in that group anyway via other means. People tend to be apart of everything and as much as they can in my experience, rather than focus on one group. Especially where dating and finding loves is concerned...

I wouldn't worry about it and move on knowing it just isn't for you and you aren't missing anything. Just my thought about it all.
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  #12  
Old 01-26-2010, 07:51 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
The site Raven has developed is meant for an exclusive group of people who wish to remain that way. I have no investment in that at the best of times myself as I am inclusive of everyone, so perhaps your reaction to the questions is because of that? Just a thought.

It seems it is an attempt to lesson the dating pool and talk to others of like mind.
My understanding is that she is attempting to create a network for a population of people who are traditionally marginalized in other poly communities. This isn't the same as being exclusive and it isn't for the purpose of lessening the dating pool, since it's not a dating site.

Sometimes the practice of inclusivity involves creating spaces tailored to meet the needs of people who perhaps have not been able to find that kind of understanding in other communities.
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  #13  
Old 01-26-2010, 08:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
My understanding is that she is attempting to create a network for a population of people who are traditionally marginalized in other poly communities. This isn't the same as being exclusive and it isn't for the purpose of lessening the dating pool, since it's not a dating site.

Sometimes the practice of inclusivity involves creating spaces tailored to meet the needs of people who perhaps have not been able to find that kind of understanding in other communities.
Ah well, then I would suggest that the site mods say that in the intro to the site or ask questions that would specifically indicate whether one considers themselves marginalized or not in the way that they deem to fit with them. It just may seem to some to marginalize in itself at the moment.

Perhaps if it were more clear who the site is meant for, who it is meant to attract, in terms of what marginalized group it is meant for? The questions might meet less resistance for people who are curious and want to know if it is a good fit for them. Perhaps the frustration with the questions would lesson if people knew ahead of time and could decide without feeling like it's some kind of secret club that they don't fit... a club that marginalizes them and therefore they are not welcome.

Anyway, I hope that is helpful in some way...

it feels kind of weird talking about this on this forum. I think that is probably all I have to say or suggest.
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  #14  
Old 01-26-2010, 08:22 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Well, in the title of the network, it says "Connecting young polys across NY State and beyond" On the sign in page, where you can register to sign up, it says "New York Polyamory Central The Next Generation. Aimed at polyamorists ages 18-35 in New York & the Northeast. Open to all, ages over 18."

That seems pretty clear.

Also there are only two questions being asked (aside from demographical info such as sexual orientation, relationship status and spirituality) and they are good questions that often get asked on this board:

"What values do you wish to see reflected in this poly community?"

"What does polyamory mean to you?"

I don't read these questions as serving the purpose of being exclusive or weeding people out.

I wanted to reply to this so that people who may be forming opinions on this do so with more information than less.
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  #15  
Old 01-26-2010, 09:27 PM
divinstress divinstress is offline
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My original objection was that the answers to the Demographic info were REQUIRED, and I personally did not feel my sexual orientation, relationship status etc were some nameless entity's business just for joining. As a member of any forum or group, I should be the one to choose what I reveal about myself.

It was for that reason that I withdrew my application, and sent Ravenesque a PM explaining this and suggesting that information be optional.

Since my original application, the questions may have changed.
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  #16  
Old 01-26-2010, 09:35 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Originally Posted by divinstress View Post
My original objection was that the answers to the Demographic info were REQUIRED, and I personally did not feel my sexual orientation, relationship status etc were some nameless entity's business just for joining. As a member of any forum or group, I should be the one to choose what I reveal about myself.

It was for that reason that I withdrew my application, and sent Ravenesque a PM explaining this and suggesting that information be optional.

Since my original application, the questions may have changed.
That's completely understandable and completely fair to bring up and object to. Though I would have chosen direct contact before starting a thread about it. My recent posts on this thread were to address what I saw as a misperception of the purpose of the group that I read in Redpepper's post.

As far as I know, the questions haven't changed, since I joined that network fairly close to it's inception.
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  #17  
Old 01-26-2010, 10:34 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by divinstress View Post
My original objection was that the answers to the Demographic info were REQUIRED, and I personally did not feel my sexual orientation, relationship status etc were some nameless entity's business just for joining. As a member of any forum or group, I should be the one to choose what I reveal about myself.

It was for that reason that I withdrew my application, and sent Ravenesque a PM explaining this and suggesting that information be optional.

Since my original application, the questions may have changed.
I know what you mean D. I looked at the questions and as I don't know Raven or who is deciding if I am acceptable it made me feel a bit like they were deciding teams at school. It seems I am too old anyways.

So be it I guess. I have never fit in or wanted to be apart of that kind of thing anyway.
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  #18  
Old 01-26-2010, 10:47 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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So be it I guess. I have never fit in or wanted to be apart of that kind of thing anyway.
I'm curious. What is it that you mean by "that kind of thing"?
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  #19  
Old 01-26-2010, 10:53 PM
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I'm curious. What is it that you mean by "that kind of thing"?
Picking someone without getting to know them as an individual first.
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  #20  
Old 01-26-2010, 10:55 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Picking someone without getting to know them as an individual first.
That's not really what the network does. At least that's not been what I've seen so far. Waiting for admin approval isn't the same as "picking someone". Many sites use that same method of registering. I guess I just don't see what you're talking about.
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