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  #41  
Old 06-16-2013, 11:31 AM
london london is offline
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And in that statement, you just invalidated the lifestyles of about a trillion kinksters. I'm pretty bored of this conversation, as I said earlier, if one is comfortable with what one likes and doesn't possess that compulsion to be part of everything, one might even use that word to describe themselves. In fact, several vanilla people who mix heavily in kink circles do.
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  #42  
Old 06-16-2013, 11:52 AM
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Originally Posted by london View Post
And in that statement, you just invalidated the lifestyles of about a trillion kinksters.
Um, no.

It's a matter of priorities, or at least one of emphasis. I don't walk up to people at parties and introduce myself as vanilla, or as straight, or as poly, or anything else. If they ask, I'm more likely to talk about what I am and what I do in the wider world, not in the bedroom: teacher, father, musician . . .

I at least tell them my name first!

Last edited by hyperskeptic; 06-16-2013 at 11:58 AM.
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  #43  
Old 06-16-2013, 12:29 PM
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And in that statement, you just invalidated the lifestyles of about a trillion kinksters.
Well, since you have taken it upon yourself to speak for "a trillion" kinksters, then please tell them I feel sorry for them, since they must have an utter lack confidence in their lifestyles to feel invalidated by my having stated an opinion on how people present themselves socially. Certainly, all those trillion kinksters must be very fragile and insecure if my being turned-off by one person who introduced himself first as a sexual practice instead of his name invalidates what they do, especially since they don't know me. Personally, I don't like being called vanilla, but if someone does that, it doesn't invalidate me. At least I have more sense of self than that. According to you, if my previous statement invalidated their lifestyles, then my being turned off by any of the kinky acts they do, must also automatically invalidate them. Hmm, didn't know I had such power over a trillion kinksters!

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I'm pretty bored of this conversation . . .
Yeah, so?

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. . . as I said earlier, if one is comfortable with what one likes and doesn't possess that compulsion to be part of everything, one might even use that word to describe themselves.
That's not what you said earlier.
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Last edited by nycindie; 06-16-2013 at 12:59 PM.
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  #44  
Old 06-16-2013, 01:10 PM
london london is offline
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“Furthermore, some people just don't see any reason to adopt an identity and present themselves to the world based on what they do in the bedroom"

This is the statement that invalidated trillions of kinksters. You see, for many people, the lifestyle comes before the sex stuff. What they do in the bedroom is a representation of their wider relationships. It may even affect how they interact with people socially and how they wish to be interacted with. Protocol and that stuff. It doesn't mean you have to follow their rules,i rarely do, but it does mean they probably will be uninterested in bonding with you if you reuse to respect their rules. Either way, their kink orientation is what governs their lifestyle and identity for a large part, it isn't just what they do in bed.
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  #45  
Old 06-16-2013, 01:18 PM
london london is offline
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Originally Posted by hyperskeptic View Post
Um, no.

It's a matter of priorities, or at least one of emphasis. I don't walk up to people at parties and introduce myself as vanilla, or as straight, or as poly, or anything else. If they ask, I'm more likely to talk about what I am and what I do in the wider world, not in the bedroom: teacher, father, musician . . .

I at least tell them my name first!
I'll say the same again, for some people, what they do in the bedroom is merely a reflection of their wider identity as a D or s type. For them, their kink label is what they feel is the most important information to impart on someone new to give them an indication of what to expect. I don't, purely because my personality is more in contention with my kink label than complimentary.
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  #46  
Old 06-16-2013, 01:30 PM
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Originally Posted by london View Post
I'll say the same again, for some people, what they do in the bedroom is merely a reflection of their wider identity as a D or s type. For them, their kink label is what they feel is the most important information to impart on someone new to give them an indication of what to expect.
And I would back away, slowly, and find someone else to talk to . . . not because I disapprove of what they do in the bedroom, but because anyone who would shoehorn the complexity of her or his own self into a one-dimensional label is likely to be fairly tedious.

I was once at a gathering in college where I met an exchange student from Northern Europe. He introduced himself as an Anti-Zionist. It seemed he had built his whole identity as a human being around opposition to the existence of Israel as a nation.

I found that troubling and slightly pathetic, but mostly I just found it tiresome.
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  #47  
Old 06-16-2013, 01:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
“Furthermore, some people just don't see any reason to adopt an identity and present themselves to the world based on what they do in the bedroom"

This is the statement that invalidated trillions of kinksters. You see, for many people, the lifestyle comes before the sex stuff. What they do in the bedroom is a representation of their wider relationships. It may even affect how they interact with people socially and how they wish to be interacted with. Protocol and that stuff. It doesn't mean you have to follow their rules,i rarely do, but it does mean they probably will be uninterested in bonding with you if you reuse to respect their rules. Either way, their kink orientation is what governs their lifestyle and identity for a large part, it isn't just what they do in bed.
You don't have to explain what kink is. You're fairly new to the forum, so I don't know why you assume to know so much more, and feel the need to lecture and explain things to many of us who have been members and posting here for years as if we are children. Me, personally, I know a lot of kinky people, have read a lot about it, and have attended kink-oriented events. I don't identify as kinky, but I don't identify as "vanilla" either, and I investigate and ask lots of questions about kinky stuff because I am curious about it. I do know there is a difference between the kink lifestyle and kinky sexual activity. Doesn't matter, anyway.

The fact remains that my statement, which you quoted above, did not invalidate anyone! No statement anyone makes could invalidate anyone's choices. Their choices are their own, and they'd be pretty weak people if anything anyone had to say about their choices could invalidate them. I don't have to like or agree with everything everybody else in the world is doing, so if I state an opinion about stuff I object to or don't like, does that mean I am invalidating them? Not at all. I'm just stating my opinion. If it's valid for them, it's valid for them.

My point in the quoted sentence was about calling someone who is not kinky "vanilla," anyway. It's not part of most non-kinky people's world view to go around identifying themselves by as silly and mocking a term as "vanilla," just because we don't want to collar or flog someone, live a TPE lifestyle, or whatever. There is more to a human being than whatever label they adopt. My objection is to use a term as an IDENTITY for someone other than yourself. Consider that non-kinksters would rather not be categorized nor identified at all by kinksters. Categorize yourselves, and leave the people who do not identify as kinky or a kinkster or a pervert or whatever other term kinksters like to use, out of it.

If you still don't get my point, I cannot explain it any further.
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Last edited by nycindie; 06-16-2013 at 01:51 PM.
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  #48  
Old 06-16-2013, 01:49 PM
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Originally Posted by hyperskeptic View Post
And I would back away, slowly, and find someone else to talk to . . . not because I disapprove of what they do in the bedroom, but because anyone who would shoehorn the complexity of her or his own self into a one-dimensional label is likely to be fairly tedious.

I was once at a gathering in college where I met an exchange student from Northern Europe. He introduced himself as an Anti-Zionist. It seemed he had built his whole identity as a human being around opposition to the existence of Israel as a nation.

I found that troubling and slightly pathetic, but mostly I just found it tiresome.
Very well-said. Totally agree!
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Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
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  #49  
Old 06-16-2013, 01:52 PM
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Am I the only one distracted by the trillions of kinksters somehow living on a planet of only slightly more than 7 billion people? By that ratio it's the non-kinky portion who are the deviants.

Just me? Ok then... back in my box.

[/nitpick]
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  #50  
Old 06-16-2013, 02:13 PM
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Originally Posted by Emm View Post
Am I the only one distracted by the trillions of kinksters somehow living on a planet of only slightly more than 7 billion people? By that ratio it's the non-kinky portion who are the deviants.

Just me? Ok then... back in my box.

[/nitpick]
Har-har!!!
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Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

Last edited by nycindie; 06-16-2013 at 02:20 PM.
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