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  #21  
Old 06-13-2013, 05:55 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I don't feel like shit over a word someone uses. And no one "makes me" feel anything. I simply point out why the word "vanilla" is irksome if someone uses it.

I will also point out how ridiculous it is to say "asshat" instead of "asshole." I will never understand why people started saying that. The fact that it became part of the lexicon perplexes and bugs me to no end, and I would like to ban its use from now on. I can see why someone would be acting like an asshole, but why the fuck would someone be a hat for an ass?

I think "asshat" means you wear your ass as a hat... meaning you're a "shithead". Sort of like "foot in mouth". I think, I don't know. Just guessing at a possible meaning of "asshat".
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  #22  
Old 06-13-2013, 06:08 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I think "asshat" means you wear your ass as a hat... meaning you're a "shithead". Sort of like "foot in mouth". I think, I don't know. Just guessing at a possible meaning of "asshat".
Hmm, hadn't thought of that. The word makes me picture someone laying face down, sticking their ass way up in the air, while someone else places a hat on it. I was imagining a sort of straw hat with a brim.

I guess that's why it doesn't make sense to me.
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  #23  
Old 06-13-2013, 06:15 PM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Hmm, hadn't thought of that. The word makes me picture someone laying face down, sticking their ass way up in the air, while someone else places a hat on it. I was imagining a sort of straw hat with a brim.

I guess that's why it doesn't make sense to me.
Just like any time people take a word that already has a common definition and use and assign it to a different definition that already has a commonly used word associated with it.

For the people who insist on "provenance of data", I cannot be arsed to go find examples for you right this moment. But, I will keep my eyes open for examples as they come forth, and if I remember, and am getting a strong enough wifi signal, I will post them here retroactively for consideration and posterity.
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  #24  
Old 06-15-2013, 06:43 AM
london london is offline
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What's wrong with the word is exactly this. It's makes you feel like shit, and it makes kinky people seem like asshats.
It just means sex or a description of a person who doesn't involve fetishes or a power exchange in their romantic and/or sexual relationships. If someone says they never want to have a relationship that doesn't include fetish or power exchange again, I don't see how people who prefer this type of sexual intimacy would feel offended. I don't see why there is a problem with having a term which describes that type of relationship.
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  #25  
Old 06-15-2013, 12:14 PM
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Originally Posted by london View Post
It just means sex or a description of a person who doesn't involve fetishes or a power exchange in their romantic and/or sexual relationships. If someone says they never want to have a relationship that doesn't include fetish or power exchange again, I don't see how people who prefer this type of sexual intimacy would feel offended. I don't see why there is a problem with having a term which describes that type of relationship.
It seems to me typical, though, for people who engage in or identify with practices the broader culture would deem marginal or deviant to invent a derogatory term for that which they reject.

I don't know how current it is, but I have heard that some gay men would refer to straight people as "breeders", with the obviously demeaning implication that we are livestock.

There's a kind of defensiveness in that and, given the kinds of abuse gay folk have suffered at the hands of straight folk over the centuries, it's understandable.

It is plausible, at least, to suppose the term "vanilla" serves something like the same purpose, with the demeaning implication that we are flavorless, bland, boring.

So, I'm a vanilla breeder.

>Shrug<

My response to labels like that also follows the lead of gay men, some of whom adopted the derogatory term, "queer", as a badge of honor and, eventually, a straightforward description of an identity.

I am vanilla, and it's a damned fine flavor.

I am a breeder, and so was your mother.
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  #26  
Old 06-15-2013, 02:10 PM
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I am a breeder, and so was your mother.
Great post skeptic, as usual. This last phrase made me laugh though so I wanted to say thanks.

Hehe... still laughing
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  #27  
Old 06-15-2013, 02:52 PM
Vinccenzo Vinccenzo is offline
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My interpretation of asshat:

A hat for asses would be frivolous and of little use. I picture one of those cheeky (snort!) little hats that need an elastic band to keep on your head only its resting on someone's ass.
Above your ass is the rest of your body including and most importantly, your brain. If you are vapid, pointless and irritating, one might be suggesting that what sits above your ass is of little importance or use.

For the purposes of staying on topic....
Wouldn't coming up with some word that describes the people the OP is talking about be about the same as the term vanilla making such a word snide and petty? Its like willingly getting into a childish slap fest over who's dad is bigger.

Last edited by Vinccenzo; 06-15-2013 at 02:56 PM.
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  #28  
Old 06-15-2013, 03:14 PM
london london is offline
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I do understand the other point of view on vanilla and I have been amongst kinksters who kind of allude to being vanilla as lesser. I feel the same amongst poly people sometimes too, though, when discussing monogamy. It's more about the way things are said than what's being said. You can express a preference without demeaning people who choose differently.
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  #29  
Old 06-15-2013, 03:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vinccenzo View Post
Its like willingly getting into a childish slap fest over who's dad is bigger.
*slaps you* MINE IS! ... dangit I fell for it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by london
I do understand the other point of view on vanilla and I have been amongst kinksters who kind of allude to being vanilla as lesser. I feel the same amongst poly people sometimes too, though, when discussing monogamy. It's more about the way things are said than what's being said. You can express a preference without demeaning people who choose differently.
Not exactly, because one term is describing a relationship status or worldview while the other is describing the absence of a quality by those who have the quality.

Monogamy is just a relationship status. I can say it with disdain, or I can describe its flaws, but it is still a word which is describing a relationship status or worldview. It wasn't created by poly folk as a way to describe people who "just don't get it" and that's not what it means on any level.

Vanilla is a word used to describe someone who "isn't whatever"; someone who is plain by the standards of the person who is saying it. While some will argue that it isn't demeaning in nature; I say that is creative rationalization. It doesn't HAVE to be mean spirited, but really if you're just describing someone who isn't into kink I'd just assume say "he's not into kink" instead of "he's vanilla"... one is making an assessment of reality while the other is arguably making a value judgment.
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  #30  
Old 06-15-2013, 03:54 PM
Vinccenzo Vinccenzo is offline
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I always thought of vanilla as meaning someone with less pages to their sexual menu than others. It never implied to me a judgement of the quality of what was on the menu. I've had "vanilla" lovers with the best damn missionary in town and "kinky" lovers with missionary that should have been sent back to the kitchen.
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