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Old 06-23-2009, 03:54 PM
polyfx polyfx is offline
New Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 3
Default Mono, New to Poly and need a little help

First of all I'd like to say hello. I'm new here and to the Poly scene and really need some help with a problem.

I have been living with the same partner for almost 9 years (mono-mono). She has had for many years feelings that she was polyamorous and did not reveal these feelings to me until a couple months ago. She is BI and expressed a need to have women relationships, which we agreed was OK years ago, as long as there were no male sex relationships happening. I felt that at the time that if there was sex with a man needed that I was the one for the job. She completely agreed.

She recently came out and and said that she wanted man/woman relationships. We disagreed and we seperated. If we didnt seperate, she said she would do it anyway regardless. I felt my boundaries had been crossed and was not agreeable to the male aspect.

We have since been seeing each other as if we never parted, except she lives on her own and has 2 "secondary" male partners. We are still very close.

She expressed to me that she wants me to remain her life partner, albeit as the "primary". She expressed to me that the whole "package" was better that I had to offer and hands down wanted me to be the main squeeze. We want to work this out, except I have only one hang up.

I have given the lifestyle much thought, and have basically accepted it as an alternative to a monogamous lifestyle. I'm not against adapting to this new style of love.

My issue, and what I have come forward to ask is: Has anyone out there been in a situation where you felt O.K. with your partner having other relationships with the same sex, but couldn't bear them having one with the opposite sex?. I don't mean the love part, I mean the sex part.

It's not jealousy. It feels different. Almost a competetive feeling. The age old question comes to mind... What does he have to offer that I don't? If she isn't totally happy with the sex she is receiving from these other people, why do it at all?

I'd like to get past this very much so we can get on with our lives, hopes and dreams...

Thanks in advance!

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