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  #31  
Old 06-11-2013, 08:22 PM
InsaneMystic InsaneMystic is offline
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Ah, I see. You're of the camp that masturbation isn't really sex, and an orgasm is just like a sneeze. I started a poll on that here once.
I'd say masturbation isn't sex; IMO, sex means a form of erotic/sensual interaction with another person, that involves at least one of the participants' genitals. And virginity, to me, means your own genitals haven't ever been touched by another person (excluding medical examinations and such, of course).

I'm not really sure on the second bit. I can't reach orgasm by masturbation, anyway; it just cleans the muck out of the pipes and gets rid of uncomfortable tension. So, to stay within the realm your metaphor, masturbation is kinda like blowing one's snot-clogged nose.

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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Sure, that would follow.
Well, at least that's internally consistent then. I can respect that view even if I don't agree.

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But I don't get that one.
Well, hetero women are "sexual misogynists", too, as they do not boink gals - and it's hard to see any kind of misogynist as a feminist.

Anyway, we're spiralling off topic fast here...
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  #32  
Old 06-11-2013, 08:40 PM
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ChaiLatteWriter ChaiLatteWriter is offline
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Originally Posted by Josie View Post
All the OP is saying is that she doesn't want to have sex (by her own personal definition) before she is ready. For her to be ready, she wants to love and trust the individual. I don't see what's wrong with that. It's her body and her choice. I do agree with other posters that that may not take 2-3years, it could be a much shorter amount of time, but the feel I get from the OP is that love and trust are necessary for her to open other people to a part of herself that she finds very personal. She's not being a tease, she's stating her needs and is sticking to them.
Thank you! That's basically stating everything I meant more concisely.
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  #33  
Old 06-12-2013, 02:35 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Originally Posted by Josie View Post
I think that if someone says that they don't want to have sex, for any reason, that should be respected. In the mentioned scenarios where there is above waist fondling between the OP and another, the other would have been informed that the OP wasn't going to have sex with them. Therefore if they're going to get all iffy about being sexually frustrated after the fondling, they could have just not started in the first place.

...
She's not being a tease, she's stating her needs and is sticking to them.
This. I may not personally believe that those needs are likely to be stick-to-able when the rubber hits the road -- love + lust = powerful like woah -- but that's for the OP to find out, and it doesn't make her a "tease" as long as she's straightforward with people.
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  #34  
Old 06-12-2013, 04:48 AM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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I think that if someone says that they don't want to have sex, for any reason, that should be respected.
THANK YOU! Yes, indeed!
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  #35  
Old 06-12-2013, 05:06 AM
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I think if you're planning to make someone audition for two Yeats before they get to fuck you, you should date people who don't regard sex as very important.
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  #36  
Old 06-12-2013, 05:21 AM
InsaneMystic InsaneMystic is offline
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Originally Posted by Josie View Post
I think that if someone says that they don't want to have sex, for any reason, that should be respected.
Another +1 to that.

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Originally Posted by london View Post
I think if you're planning to make someone audition for two Yeats before they get to fuck you, you should date people who don't regard sex as very important.
I agree... and there's the additional complication there that a sizeable portion of those (rather few to begin with) people who'd be okay with going sexless for 2-3 years would probably not be okay with it if you'd suddenly start strongly desiring sex with them after that time. I think there's still a non-zero chance for finding someone, but the pool of people who it would work out with will probably be even smaller than with a "sexless forever" arrangement.
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  #37  
Old 06-12-2013, 07:31 AM
london london is offline
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Yep, I think it's very selfish to want someone with a relatively high libido and then deny them sex until you feel purty and "valued" enough for them to give them the amount of sex that you require. Sex should be awesome, not a chore or a gift you give people who do what you want them to do. I'm not saying fuck on the first date, well not every first date anyway, but I am saying not to let societal pressures based on oppressing the sexuality of women deny you an activity that could not only lead to the type of commitment you want from someone but be loads of fun and pleasure too.
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  #38  
Old 06-12-2013, 01:04 PM
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Originally Posted by london View Post
Yep, I think it's very selfish to want someone with a relatively high libido and then deny them sex until you feel purty and "valued" enough for them to give them the amount of sex that you require. Sex should be awesome, not a chore or a gift you give people who do what you want them to do. I'm not saying fuck on the first date, well not every first date anyway, but I am saying not to let societal pressures based on oppressing the sexuality of women deny you an activity that could not only lead to the type of commitment you want from someone but be loads of fun and pleasure too.
It is selfish to want someone who will want to have sex on the first date
It is selfish to want someone who will never want sex
It is selfish to only want waffles for breakfast

The "that's selfish" card doesn't mean anything. It just means that they're looking out for number one... exactly the same as everyone else.

This sounds like a monogamous argument. In monogamy you only get the one romantic partner so they necessarily have to be as close to a perfect fit as possible when it comes to romantic needs. The two people involved depend on each other to get their romantic and sexual needs met so the OPs proposition in this scenario would be crazy unreasonable and incredibly unlikely to be successful.

In polyamory I can get whatever I want from whomever I want. If a partner wants to not have "sex" for quite some time I don't see what the problem is. If having sex is the only way I can experience closeness with someone (this is not the case, just a hypothetical) then I would be wise to turn down such an arrangement. Problem solved. Or I guess I could argue with the person, calling them selfish for 'denying' me sex with them. Maybe I could make the OP cry and guilt her into sex with me... man that sounds like fun.

The OP isn't talking about denying anyone anything. She was talking about not having sex until she has a particular sense of closeness. She is deciding what she wants to do with her own body, as long as she's up front about it I don't see how it's unreasonable.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Josie
All the OP is saying is that she doesn't want to have sex (by her own personal definition) before she is ready. For her to be ready, she wants to love and trust the individual. I don't see what's wrong with that. It's her body and her choice. I do agree with other posters that that may not take 2-3years, it could be a much shorter amount of time, but the feel I get from the OP is that love and trust are necessary for her to open other people to a part of herself that she finds very personal. She's not being a tease, she's stating her needs and is sticking to them.
This is the only opinion about the OPs situation that makes any sense to me. It's her body, she's deciding what she wants to do with it... and?
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  #39  
Old 06-12-2013, 01:26 PM
london london is offline
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I need sex in all my romantic relationships or they are not romantic relationships. I have a higher than average libido. I'd argue that the vast majority of people with a high libido need sex in their romantic relationships. It's unreasonably selfish to want someone who needs sex in their romantic relationships to wait for two years whilst you deem them worthy of banging you. You are asking them to deny their needs to meet yours which are based on some bullshit about your vagina being a trophy. Why not seek people who won't really care if they have sex with her?
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  #40  
Old 06-12-2013, 01:55 PM
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Originally Posted by london View Post
I need sex in all my romantic relationships or they are not romantic relationships.
How selfish of you to DEMAND that someone who is in a romantic relationship with you want to have sex with you! How dare you DENY them the ability to not have sex with you!!

Kidding aside, this whole 'selfish' thing can quite literally be thrown at every preference every person has. I don't see it as adding any value to a discussion.

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Originally Posted by london View Post
I'd argue that the vast majority of people with a high libido need sex in their romantic relationships.
Again, this is a monogamous problem. I am polyamorous and therefore do not demand that everyone I am romantic with sate my needs exactly according to my formula. You and I have gone round and round about this before so I'm just saying it out loud one last time for the lurkers.

Polyamory allows more flexibility in this regard. People are wonderfully varied and I have the opportunity to sample from them what they would like to offer me. I do not control what they offer me nor make demands on them, I just enjoy what they instinctively give. Should I feel that something in particular is lacking in my life I am free to seek it elsewhere while still enjoying what my other partners offer me freely and naturally.

If I have a hard limit for what a person must offer me in order for me to enjoy them then that is MY limitation... not theirs.

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Originally Posted by london View Post
You are asking them to deny their needs to meet yours which are based on some bullshit about your vagina being a trophy.
Her vagina is a trophy now because she doesn't offer it up? I hope the OP has enough sense to ignore this sex-negative garbage.
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