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  #21  
Old 06-10-2013, 08:43 PM
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Kameo Kameo is offline
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Funny about the Uncle/Aunt thing. I found out some years ago, that my grandparents were in a quad with another M/F couple when I was a kid. They spent a lot of time with us, holidays, birthdays, etc. I called them Aunt and Uncle. I think if I was in a relationship with someone or others who had kids, I'd prefer they called me by my name.
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  #22  
Old 10-25-2013, 05:08 AM
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I think if I were to ever have kids as I would LOVE to do so one day, but I wouldn't mind if it never happened as I don't have any regrets, I would simply have my children refer to people by their relationship to them with their name, if my children prefer to use other names then I'm ok with that depending on the words.~ hehe!~ ^_^

Example with 4 Dads and 5 Moms: "Daddy Bliss" (Me), "Daddy Mark", "Daddy WoodBeard", "Daddy Bee", "Mommy Hen", "Mommy Crystal", "Mommy Blossum", "Mommy Dove", and "Mommy Sky".~

I see absolutely no problem or issue at all with children referring to their parents by their actual names or any kinds of names if they so choose to.~
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Last edited by ColorsWolf; 10-25-2013 at 05:17 AM.
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  #23  
Old 10-25-2013, 07:05 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Colors-My oldest identifies as having 3 moms and 2 dads. She calls us by "mom" or "dad". But if she's having a REALLY emotional moment (like when she was in labor & when she found out her best friend died) she changes mine to "mommy" with a LOT of emphasis on the end syllable.
When she talks to people who don't know us-she will say my mom, my other mom, my other mom, my dad, my other dad, in completely random order (lol we all take a turn at being the "other").
If she's asking someone who knows us to do something regarding us and we're all in the same place (VERY RARE) she will use our name. But generally one mom and dad live in Alabama, Maca and I are here in Alaska and the other claimed mom is my sister who lives in Alaska but doesn't live in our house any more.

The youngest child-she chose to call Maca daddy and she choose a name for GG. She added "ey" to the end of his given name and added "my" to the beginning and that is her special name for him. As he is her bio-dad and Maca is not-some people get weirded out by it. But the three of us operate on the theory that whatever fits-is what fits and that is what she felt right with. Shrug.

Our Godson calls the guys by their given names. But he calls me his "M'ad". His explanation when he was younger was that I am a mom and a dad to him. Again-OTHER people tilt their heads in confusion, but it works for him, so it works for me. Shrug.

My stepson called me his "2 mommy" for years. I haven't seen him in the last 3, he is officially a runaway from his mothers home. BUT-that was what he called me for a long time and again-that was something he came up with when he was barely 2. It works.

I very much operate from the attitude that kids will think up what is comfortable and most meaningful to them and unless it creates a MAJOR problem-who cares?

It's like pet names.
M'ebe is my name for GG.
He calls me Bebe.
Maca calls me Angel.
I call him My M.

Other people may get confused. But we don't and it works for us.
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  #24  
Old 10-25-2013, 07:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Colors-My oldest identifies as having 3 moms and 2 dads. She calls us by "mom" or "dad". But if she's having a REALLY emotional moment (like when she was in labor & when she found out her best friend died) she changes mine to "mommy" with a LOT of emphasis on the end syllable.
When she talks to people who don't know us-she will say my mom, my other mom, my other mom, my dad, my other dad, in completely random order (lol we all take a turn at being the "other").
If she's asking someone who knows us to do something regarding us and we're all in the same place (VERY RARE) she will use our name. But generally one mom and dad live in Alabama, Maca and I are here in Alaska and the other claimed mom is my sister who lives in Alaska but doesn't live in our house any more.

The youngest child-she chose to call Maca daddy and she choose a name for GG. She added "ey" to the end of his given name and added "my" to the beginning and that is her special name for him. As he is her bio-dad and Maca is not-some people get weirded out by it. But the three of us operate on the theory that whatever fits-is what fits and that is what she felt right with. Shrug.

Our Godson calls the guys by their given names. But he calls me his "M'ad". His explanation when he was younger was that I am a mom and a dad to him. Again-OTHER people tilt their heads in confusion, but it works for him, so it works for me. Shrug.

My stepson called me his "2 mommy" for years. I haven't seen him in the last 3, he is officially a runaway from his mothers home. BUT-that was what he called me for a long time and again-that was something he came up with when he was barely 2. It works.

I very much operate from the attitude that kids will think up what is comfortable and most meaningful to them and unless it creates a MAJOR problem-who cares?

It's like pet names.
M'ebe is my name for GG.
He calls me Bebe.
Maca calls me Angel.
I call him My M.

Other people may get confused. But we don't and it works for us.
That's exactly what I mean and 100% agree with you, I just would use my preferences for names for my children if they didn't know or were confused by what to call us and they welcomed some suggestions.~

I however don't want to do what many outsider's may do such as belittle our relationships to our children based upon biological physical connectivity.~

I very much welcome the idea of having a "village" (made up of lovers) help raise our children together and I find the idea wonderful and beautiful!~ ^_^
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Last edited by ColorsWolf; 10-25-2013 at 08:00 PM.
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  #25  
Old 10-26-2013, 04:05 AM
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Piroska Piroska is offline
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A note on the "aunt" and "uncle" terminology. I agree it sounds odd in English, because it's usually reserved for persons who are either siblings of one's parents, people like unto siblings to one's parents, or people who play a similar role in one's life (like godparents or something). So it seems very odd (almost incestuous) to call someone who would be a lover to one's parent the same thing as you would call a sibling to that parent.

But it could be a cultural difference too - in Hungarian, for example, all persons of a generation or more older (ie, if they're old enough to be your parents, or older) you refer to that person as "néni" or "bácsi", which effectively translates to "aunt" or "uncle". The words for sir or mr, or for madam or mrs ("uram" or "asszonyom", which more literally translate to "my lord" and "my lady") are much more formal and distant - ie, you'd use them if you didn't know someone, or if someone was very elderly, but rarely for friends or family, even teachers or other community persons would more likely be called néni or bácsi. So; if I were in Hungary (or one of our lovers was in the Hungarian community, where the kids would already be used to calling them this) I would have no problem referring to, for example, my (ex)girlfriend J as "J-néni, or Morp as "Morp-bácsi"; indeed, prefer it. Theses sort of cultural artifacts may persist in English (from Hungarian, or any other language that may use them this way), even a couple generations down, which may explain why some people still use "aunt" and "uncle" even though in English it doesn't make sense.

But no, in English it doesn't make sense; so we're probably going to go with the majority and introduce by name only, when Morp and I meet each others' kids.
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  #26  
Old 10-26-2013, 04:31 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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I prefer a partner's kids to call me by my real name. I mean, as far as they know, I'm just a friend of their parents. You start making your kid call them "Aunt" or "Uncle," and suddenly, the kids are like....why is THAT person special.... why is that person "Aunt" and that person not, I know they're not my real relative..... I so don't want to end up in a situation where the kids are used to that being code for "girlfriend" or "boyfriend"....then I come in and it's like, "Oh, right, you're the woman sleeping with my dad. Got it." Ick.
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  #27  
Old 10-28-2013, 12:52 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
I prefer a partner's kids to call me by my real name. I mean, as far as they know, I'm just a friend of their parents. You start making your kid call them "Aunt" or "Uncle," and suddenly, the kids are like....why is THAT person special.... why is that person "Aunt" and that person not, I know they're not my real relative..... I so don't want to end up in a situation where the kids are used to that being code for "girlfriend" or "boyfriend"....then I come in and it's like, "Oh, right, you're the woman sleeping with my dad. Got it." Ick.
I find that interesting. I wouldn't want the kids not to know the relationship I have with their dad. I don't think people generally think of their mothers or stepmothers as "that woman who sleeps with my dad". They do know the person has a relationship with their father, and they do know, I imagine, that sex is involved, but the name they used is based on the relationship between the kids and that person, not their parent and that person.

So I can imagine going by my first name and being considered a family friend if I had zero involvement, but the kind of relationship I would prefer would pretty much put me in the middle, either raising the kids or at least living with them and being around as some sort of parental figure for homework or whatever.
Yes, the kids would get to decide what kind of role I play in their lives, especially if I haven't known them since birth, but if we live together and I'm an adult and they're a kid, I expect to have some authority over them.

So my thoughts are that you probably are interested in different kinds of relationships than I am.
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  #28  
Old 10-28-2013, 01:08 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I think it's silly to make a child call anyone by something specific.
However-if they choose it-that is different.

We didn't tell our kids what terms to use. But 4 of the 5 chose "uncle" for GG.
Which-is totally ok.

As for what they know. They know we have a relationship and that it's romantic. They see us hug and kiss and hold hands. The older ones are well aware we have sex. It's not a secret. It's not shoved in their faces either. But they aren't ignorant.
It would be crazy for us to think they don't know that he's not "just a friend of our parents". He isn't JUST a friend. He's a life partner. So of course they know that. He is also someone THEY can count on as family, not just a neighbor or friend, but family. So not letting them know that would be taking away from their opportunity to make use of the value of that level of security and trust.
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  #29  
Old 10-28-2013, 06:55 AM
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My kid would call my partner by their name. He has a dad. He wouldn't choose to call someone new, Dad. Or Mum. Jesus. Also, everyone has the right to enforce and reiterate their boundaries, sure, but moving in with me and my son would never mean you have authority over him at all. Sure, ask him to be quiet when he's too loud, but you don't have authority over him. Needing authority over other people's children is a red flag for me. There is a difference between expecting respect and needing authority.
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  #30  
Old 10-28-2013, 03:26 PM
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