Another newbie here
I only learned about polyamory a year or two ago and it's like this seed has been planted that keeps sprouting up new questions. I don't know where I stand right now. I am currently in a monogamous relationship of 6 years and now married. I have spoken to my husband about my questions and he supports me in many ways. However, if I decide I want something other than a monogamous relationship then he could not do that, but he wants me to be happy it would just be with someone else. I respect his decision, but we're potentially in two different minsets. I truly adore this man and would not want to risk losing him. I find myself having friendships with men that often push a line of possible attraction. He trusts me and I do not let things go beyond friendship. It's like I'm getting some emotional needs met through these friendships. I still feel a sense of guilt, although I am very honest with him and he knows these friends. I don't really know where I'm at or what I want. But, I find myself questioning even wanting a long term commitment. So, this is all jumbled up and I'm throwing it all out there. Can anyone relate or offer any thoughts on this. The concept of polyamory and the level of openness and honesty is one piece I've really connected with. Although, at the risk of losing him I would probably sacrifice some sense of potential completeness for myself.