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Old 06-10-2013, 05:21 AM
copper copper is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2013
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Question ADVICE please! Shifting from Primary to Platonic Primary

Hey Everyone!

ANY experience or advice in this department would be greatly appreciated!

My primary partner and I of 7 years, decided last year to stop being sexual partners, and this fall decided to move into separate housing. We continue to have romantic date nights, cuddle sleep overs, support each other, talk about the future, and love and respect each other deeply. However, we havnt been sexual for awhile and that aspect of our relationship seems to be naturally fading away.

We both have had secondary partners during this time, he recently has a secondary relationship that is getting more serious and that person is having a hard time understanding our relationship and how she fits in, if there is room for her.

Basically we are at a point where we both feel that societal tug and that pressure from our other lovers to just stop calling what we have a "life partnership" and just become really good friends. This idea of "breaking up"

We are at a big transition that feels really scary for us to navigate. We don't know where we are going. we want to make space for these other/new relationships but we don't want to loose all the specialness we have together. We want there to be fluidity with what could potentially bloom with us- maybe lovers again? maybe coparents? But we don't want to push people away from getting close to us. His new sweetie is very threatened by our "partner" status. I feel like he is getting scared and scarcity feelings of- we will never find other people that will understand our connection so we should just stop calling each other life partners.
Meanwhile my secondary partner is triggered by me and my partners closeness and is worried I will always keep her at arms distance if he remains my life partner.

We both recognize we are with people that are very challenged by "poly" but we also both love them and want to figure out how to make it all work!

Anyone been through this before?
Anyone have experience transitioning from life partner to "platonic life partner?"
How to provide trust and reassurance to new partners so we can make space for what potentially could or couldn't happen with our connection?

THank you!
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break-ups, new partners, platonic, secondary partners, transitions

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