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  #31  
Old 05-26-2013, 04:20 AM
Ssandra Ssandra is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Three and a half years total. A year before she got pregnant, then through the pregnancy, and now the little boy is almost two.

I agree, your friend put it very well.
Sometimes I think it would have been much easier if they would have gotten together a year earlier or a year later. Without hormones and all the pregnancy complications.

Even simple things are more complicated right now. I'm more or less over him not being here most evenings and some nights, I'm good with that. But we only have one car and I would have liked to go to the supermarket today and I couldn't because he took the car. Things are complicated now...

I do hope things work out. It is complicated, but somehow we (they) will make it work.

We had a baby shower today and it was a bit bitter sweet for my husband. He loved being with his friends, and seeing them happy with the fact that we are pregnant and yet he doesn't think he can ever give that type of inclusion to her.
He is worried his friends won't accept her.

I personally think that if his friends don't accept him being happy (us being happy) too bad for his friends. I accepted that as a reality of having an alternative lifestyle and I don't care much. It is different for him...

Luckily we still have time. She was cramping today so most likely will get her period soon. That gives us time to be ok just all of us before having to confront the outside world. And it gives them time to get over the NRE and decide if this is long term or not.
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  #32  
Old 05-26-2013, 01:47 PM
Ssandra Ssandra is offline
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The thing I love about this situation is how it makes me examine my own feelings and my relationship with my husband.

We were definitely in a strong relationship and there are no doubts about the love we feel for each other. Yet, we did fall into a bit of a taking each other for granted situation. Which, I guess, is normal after 9 years

This came up because he took her to a hotel which is a hotel that was new and he promised to take me to at some point, yet we never did. And I felt bad about him taking her there, yet not me.

And I realized that it is also a lot my fault. I'm a very passive / submissive person in my relationships. I like being taken to places, I like someone else to take the lead. Which is normally great (in exchange, I take care of people at home. I love taking care of people. It gives me a lot of pleasure!), but not if the other person is not stepping up and actually taking the lead...

My responsibility in this is that I didn't realize this before, and therefor didn't communicate it. And obviously, nobody can read my mind, nor should I expect them to.

Realizing these things can only make my relationships stronger. Which is a good thing!!
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  #33  
Old 05-26-2013, 02:59 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Yeah, way back when my ex h and I first opened our marriage, and he got a gf, I became wicked envious of him wining and dining her in her city, all alone together, going to bookstores and reading each other poetry and god knows what.

I got advice from friends to make sure I was getting as much romance as she was! There they were off dating and I was home with 3 kids and a dog and several cats, feeding the kids and pets, walking the darn dog, cleaning catboxes, driving the kids to their activities, and he was off gallivanting and getting his rocks off without me!

Luckily our kids were old enough to be left alone by that point so I started booking the h and myself for concerts and weekend getaways, and in the summers leaving the kids with relatives and going on weeklong vacations, just hubby and me. After a while, hubby started coming up with romantic ideas for us, himself!
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
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  #34  
Old 05-26-2013, 11:16 PM
Ssandra Ssandra is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post

I got advice from friends to make sure I was getting as much romance as she was!
Good advice. Although not literally (I hate math and keeping score of "she got 2 lunches and 3 hotels, which is the same as 4 dinners and 2 walks together"...)

But in general, make sure that my own quota of feeling romantic with him is fulfilled.

It is a bit difficult, since she doesn't live on her own and her parents don't let her have people over to sleep (yes, she is more than legal, but this is Mexico.. things are different here), so hotels are the only way they can be together. Same with eating... unless her mom isn't home, they have to eat out or not eat...
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  #35  
Old 05-26-2013, 11:20 PM
Ssandra Ssandra is offline
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We went to a course together today, all of us. For me, I didn't feel anything uncomfortable.

My husband did, but he got over it very fast. I think she got over it quickly as well.

I loved seeing the way they look at her. I know he looks at me the same way, just in love, happy, as if he is seeing the most wonderful person in the world. I loved seeing that. It made me all glowy inside...

The agreement was no touching right now, and mostly that was ok. I did feel that it added some layer of weirdness to the situation because you can tell my husband is used to touching her and me all the time when we are together (we are sticky people ). But with time hopefully that will work itself out.

At the end of the day the touching was a bit more casual. Just a light touch here or there, without it being either obvious nor too much. So I think it went very well and I hope we can start doing more things together next month. Especially since I don't want my husband as far nor as long away from me when I'm one month away from giving birth, and at the same time want to give them their space and time as well.
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  #36  
Old 06-06-2013, 05:40 PM
Ssandra Ssandra is offline
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So... My husband left this morning to go on a short holiday (4 days) with his girlfriend). I'm more ok than I thought.

I was a mess most days this week before, because I know I'll miss him. Pregnancy has made me very needy of him being around.

But today, now that he is actually gone, I'm surprisingly ok.

It is soon for them to go on a holiday, and it sucks being 32 weeks pregnant and not having my husband home every day. But I do really believe it is fair. The closer we get to my due date, the more time he will spend at home with me, the less he will be gone overnight.
And once the baby is born for the first few days he won't see her at all (our choice way before they met is that the first 5 to 7 days out of the hospital are just for us. Him, me and the baby. No visitors, nobody coming by, just us getting used to being a family).
And for the first few weeks he will see her very little, and mostly at our place at home, and no overnights for a while.

This will be difficult for her, so I agree with him that taking her on this holiday now to 1. solidify their relationship and 2. to pamper her a little bit because later on he cannot is something that is fair.

I hope this being ok with it and not missing him too much lasts. I want to be calm and sane for my baby, not a blubbering crying hormonal mess....
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