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  #11  
Old 06-05-2013, 08:45 PM
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
I've never understood the whole calling someone aunty or uncle when they aren't, but maybe that's just because I didn't grow up with that. My parents had close friends, and I always just referred to them by name.

Like, if your kids refer to your friend as aunty, do you refer to her as your sister? I have one friend whom I think of more as a sister than a friend, but even then her kids just think of me by name.
There is only one friend of mine that the kids refer to as "Auntie <x>", and I do basically think of her as a sister. I call her my sister from another mother, so it's not THAT far from the mark. The kids know she's my friend as opposed to my actual sister, but it's no big deal, and it's not really enforced as a title of respect or anything.

I do remember when I was a kid (around age 5) and my mother was dating the man she eventually married, that my grandmother made me call him "Uncle <name>" - he and I BOTH hated it. Gick.

My partner's kids call me by my name, and my kids call him by his.
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  #12  
Old 06-05-2013, 09:57 PM
Ssandra Ssandra is offline
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post

Like, if your kids refer to your friend as aunty, do you refer to her as your sister? I have one friend whom I think of more as a sister than a friend, but even then her kids just think of me by name.
My parents just referred to them as good friends, nothing more.

It was a way for us to show respect (my parents were big on the respect through names thing, I personally disagree) to people without having to call them sir or something quite that formal.
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  #13  
Old 06-06-2013, 05:25 PM
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My oldest grew up calling GG uncle. As an adult, she calls him by name, but if she's explaining who he is-she says he's her uncle.

The youngest is his biological child and knows that she calls him by a petname that is a variation on his given name with "MY" added before it-her choice, we had nothing to do iwth it.

The middle child calls him by his given name and sometimes explains him to others as his uncle, sometimes as "moms boyfriend". Don't know what his criteria is for differentiating-never asked.

They all call my "sister" Auntie or Mimi. She isn't biological or legally my sister-but she did live with me through middle school and highschool and we identify as sisters.

All of the kids call me mom-and all of the kids call Maca dad-regardless of biological ties (some aren't mine biologically and others aren't his).

The oldest grandson calls Maca "papa" and me "grammy" (his choice) and he calls GG by the name our youngest child uses (not including the "MY") and "papa" depending upon what he wants and what he's doing. He also knows my "real name" and Maca's and will use them if we aren't responding for some reason when he says papa or grammy. He's 2.

It's telling to realize that we are totally out and all of the kids and grandkids know that we are romantically tied (maca/me & gg/me) even if they don't know the terms sexually or romantic.

It's also important to note-that regarding additional partners-we don't introduce them at all until a solid friendship has been created (3-6 months) and we don't open to overnights or sexually suggestive (kissing, hand holding, cuddling) in front of the kids: until they have already established a solid committed relationship as partners.
Maca did twice-and it was a NIGHTMARE disaster with the youngest child. So we made that agreement for our daughters sake.
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  #14  
Old 06-06-2013, 05:32 PM
Ssandra Ssandra is offline
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post

It's also important to note-that regarding additional partners-we don't introduce them at all until a solid friendship has been created (3-6 months) and we don't open to overnights or sexually suggestive (kissing, hand holding, cuddling) in front of the kids: until they have already established a solid committed relationship as partners.
Maca did twice-and it was a NIGHTMARE disaster with the youngest child. So we made that agreement for our daughters sake.
I think this is a good practice in any relationship, mono, poly or anything in between or beyond.
I strongly believe that children are better off the more people love them, but also that they need stability.
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  #15  
Old 06-06-2013, 05:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Ssandra View Post
I think this is a good practice in any relationship, mono, poly or anything in between or beyond.
Indeed. Even after 4 years we need to be sensitive in front of our partner's daughter. She accepts what is but does NOT want it rubbed in her face. Especially now that she has turned 12 and is starting to deal with her own growing up issues....
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  #16  
Old 06-06-2013, 05:37 PM
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I agree-I was a "single" mom for the 1st 6 years of my oldest child's life (she's now 21).
I find that the stage of "i'm considering this person but do'nt know yet" is just confusing for the kids.
Kids are more prone (in their own lives as example) to simple "make a friend". They don't rationalize or go through a "dating" period.

My youngest for example will tell us after a day at the park about her "new best friends"-children she is unlikely to ever see again-but they were her best friends because they played nicely with her that day at the park.
And she will look for them repeatedly when we return to the park, sometimes being so emotional over them not being there that she is brought to tears.

So when a potential lover comes into the picture-she attaches immediately. To her they are a part of her family. When it doesn't work out and they disappear, she is distraught to have lost a part of her "family".

easier to just avoid that and not bring people around her until they ARE part of her "extended family"
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  #17  
Old 06-06-2013, 08:34 PM
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Originally Posted by Ssandra View Post
My parents just referred to them as good friends, nothing more.

It was a way for us to show respect (my parents were big on the respect through names thing, I personally disagree) to people without having to call them sir or something quite that formal.
LoL... yeah. My parents SO weren't into that. My friends' parents were always so shocked when I'd call them by their first names instead of Mr. and Mrs. So-and-so. That's just how it had always been with friends of the family, and of course my own friends. I'm not sure I even realized non-teachers had those proper titles until I was much older...
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Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 06-06-2013 at 08:37 PM.
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  #18  
Old 06-07-2013, 03:41 AM
Maleficent Maleficent is online now
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My girlfriends kids all call me something different.

Her oldest son calls me Mrs. Lastname. Her oldest daughter refers to me by my first name. Her younger daughter calls me mom. Her youngest son midy just taps my shoulder or tugs my arm. Lol

My kids all call her by her first name.
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  #19  
Old 06-07-2013, 09:08 PM
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Kiddo, Fly's son whom I've been parenting for almost 7 years, calls me by my first name, or sometimes introduces me as his "semi-stepmom." He reeeeeaaaally wants Fly and I to get married (I don't know how we've managed to raise such a little republican), and his carrot is that I can't be a real stepmom unless we walk the aisle. Too bad that will never happen!

Moonlight's daughter is older than I, and her granddaughter doesn't really talk much beyond baby babble yet. But we refer to me by my first name when I'm around her.

My parents had about 4 or 5 couples who were very close friends, and I called them all aunt and uncle. I still do, and refer to their kids as my cousins. It doesn't seem weird to me, but then again, I was never forced or told to call them that. It was all very natural and normal, and to this day I address my christmas cards to "Aunt Rosie and Uncle David" or whoever.
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  #20  
Old 06-10-2013, 08:15 PM
kittenkittykat kittenkittykat is offline
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Well we have that my partners daughter call me Emmaw which is Hebrew for mommy. And that basically at this stage since she is young that we would keep it that way for the children until they are old enoughto understand and can handle the facts.
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