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  #11  
Old 06-06-2013, 05:25 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Someone telling me "you should go for a walk today" does nothing.
Someone asking "would you like to go for a walk today" does nothing.
Someone saying, "come on, lets go for a walk today" does something-it triggers a completely different part of my brain and even if I don't want to-I am compelled to "follow the instruction". Which-does do something.
Wow, I never thought of it this way before, but it's the same with me. I didn't know how to express it, which is why I said it can be tricky for the person trying to motivate someone. But yes, if someone asks me to get up and go do something with them, I could easily say no, but most likely I would say yes just to appease them, somehow leaving room in my mind for me to opt out, or knowing already that I will tell them later I changed my mind and can't go. But if it's more of a command or an expectation, and I know someone will be here ringing my doorbell or waiting somewhere for me to show up, something different clicks and I'm more motivated to go.
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  #12  
Old 06-06-2013, 05:32 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Yep-
I find that when I'm struggling with depression, almost all questions that require a decision default to a "screw it" place in my brain that results in-nothing happening.
Maca has actually found that making the most of D/s during these times is very helpful to me. He simply calls me by the pet name he uses for D/s and gives a gentle instruction "it's time to walk" or "it's time for our workout" or "it's time to eat" etc. I will auto-pilot "obey".

On the otherhand, GG is NOTORIOUSLY passive and he tends to be the "Bebe? Would you like to ______?" and when I'm struggling with depression-the response is silence.


In my head the way it goes is something like this:

1)A question arises-
2)my brain feels overwhelmed and begins to shut down systems
3)my eyes see that someone needs a response
4)my mouth responds to their need with the only "sensible" response while my brain is in meltdown mode "no"
5)i sit on my ass and do nothing

whereas-if an instruction is given
my brain doesn't get overwhelmed-it just follows the instruction blindly without thought allowing me to follow out the instructed activity.

(I realize how idiotic that all sounds-but I'm trying to describe what it feels like as realistically and simply as possible for people who haven't experienced it)
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Old 06-06-2013, 05:40 PM
northhome northhome is offline
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Yep-
In my head the way it goes is something like this:

1)A question arises-
2)my brain feels overwhelmed and begins to shut down systems
3)my eyes see that someone needs a response
4)my mouth responds to their need with the only "sensible" response while my brain is in meltdown mode "no"
5)i sit on my ass and do nothing

whereas-if an instruction is given
my brain doesn't get overwhelmed-it just follows the instruction blindly without thought allowing me to follow out the instructed activity.
Wow! That's not idiotic in all, just the contrary. It totally explains some behaviour that has always baffled me in some people I relate to that do indeed suffer from depression.

Thanks for this.
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Old 06-06-2013, 06:29 PM
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whereas-if an instruction is given
my brain doesn't get overwhelmed-it just follows the instruction blindly without thought allowing me to follow out the instructed activity.
It's slightly different for me. If I hear something as an instruction, I am more likely to rebel and not do it. But if I feel like someone will be disappointed in me, or goes to any trouble to be with me, I'll be more likely to go or do it. It's like I need to be motivated by someone else's needs rather than my own.
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  #15  
Old 06-06-2013, 07:23 PM
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Since I do not suffer from clinical depression, I found this an interesting take on understanding it:

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.co...epression.html

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.co...-part-two.html



I have (a couple years back) gotten to the point where I was completely overwhelmed with emotion and started to emotionally drop out, which she sort of alludes to in the beginning, but I didn't go that far down the hole. All I know is, if that's just the beginning (maybe it's not?) then there's a whole lot to depression that a pick-me-up can't fix. My sympathies for those who struggle with it.

I have recommended those a lot. I have not been depressed, but the first person to show them to me was diagnosed.
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  #16  
Old 06-06-2013, 09:37 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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The problem is, if you have been long term diagnosed, you do, at some point (usually) figure out how to function. The problem being on a bad day, you can't think to do any of those things!

On god days, I multi task. I can read several books at once, I listen to music while cleaning, and cooking, and doing laundry! I do writing, I do graphics, I want to go for walks, I want to do things with people!

On normal days, it's a matter of making myself take the first step. On normal or low days it's impossible to motivate to do anything! You don't want to get out of bed, you don't want to sleep, you aren't tired, you just can't move. It's like a heavy black cloud at the back of your head, always trying to spread and take over your mind. I feel myself pulling away, getting distant. Like you are just along for the ride in your body, an observer, as things happen around you. You are aware, sure, but interact? Oh wait, did you want an answer to something?

A program I had to do at one point was to make a list. Even if it was only mental. No way I can function today. Okay, so you don't function. Fine, no one is asking you to. How about, you just get out of bed and go to the bathroom? That's all. You don't have to do anything else. Hey, now that you're out of bed, what about getting food? Just grab something to eat. That's all. No big right? Oh hey, now that you've actually eaten, no reason to get BACK in bed so why not go ahead and get dressed? You don't have to actually do any chores or go anywhere, just get dressed!

It's step by step. Don't think beyond this step or it will be overwhelming. Some days you can get a lot done like that! Some days you don't get past eating. On a good day I love a long hot bubble bath! On a bad day just the idea of getting into a bath or a shower turns me off. It's a change, it's a shock to the system, the water, the colder or warmer. The soap, I just can't. So you don't.

Having someone around that understands and can help without being controlling, which makes you feel like crying! Or too peppy, which again makes you feel worse. Just a simple, Hey, you said you wanted a shower or bath yesterday, you didn't take one. You haven't today either. Tell you what, I will run the hot bath FOR you okay? Nope, nothing else you need to do tonight, I'll run the bath, can get you your favorite fluffy towel, got a hot water bottle in bed for you so you can just go straight to bed after if you want!

My brain literally freezes. It is so very much in the NOW that I hear what you say, and the word itself is almost visible in my brain, but the meaning, not quite there, and I certainly am not invested enough to think that the word has any meaning. I'm nodding, and asking obvious questions, or to repeat because it's gone as soon as it's said.

It has been, literally, a constant struggle. To know that every single day it is anywhere from twice as hard to ten times as hard for me to do even the simplest things that for everyone else, is just normal and easy and done without thought. Some days, knowing that it's that hard, that it will never get easier is too much. Just for now it's harder, you tell yourself, just for now, just for today, not forever. To try and get through it. But sometimes, it does feel like forever, and drugs? They work, yay! Then you build up a tolerance and a new cocktail needs to be found. So you start all over.

From the outside, people say what they think will help, but until your mind is in that place, where it's stuck, where you can't find the word you KNOW you know, when you feel like your thoughts can't possibly be expressed as well as you are capable of, you have no idea how dark it is and how that simple advice you offer is horribly out of reach and just knowing that makes you feel that much more defective.
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  #17  
Old 06-07-2013, 02:08 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Originally Posted by Vixtoria View Post
The problem is, if you have been long term diagnosed, you do, at some point (usually) figure out how to function. The problem being on a bad day, you can't think to do any of those things!



On normal days, it's a matter of making myself take the first step.
On normal or low days it's impossible to motivate to do anything!
You don't want to get out of bed, you don't want to sleep, you aren't tired, you just can't move. It's like a heavy black cloud at the back of your head, always trying to spread and take over your mind. I feel myself pulling away, getting distant. Like you are just along for the ride in your body, an observer, as things happen around you. You are aware, sure, but interact? Oh wait, did you want an answer to something?


On a bad day just the idea of getting into a bath or a shower turns me off.

Having someone around that understands and can help without being controlling, which makes you feel like crying!

Or too peppy, which again makes you feel worse.

My brain literally freezes.

It has been, literally, a constant struggle.

To know that every single day it is anywhere from twice as hard to ten times as hard for me to do even the simplest things that for everyone else, is just normal and easy and done without thought.


your mind is in that place, where it's stuck,
where you can't find the word you KNOW you know.
I kept the lines that struck me personally-things I experience regularly, often, daily.

Quote:
Originally Posted by northhome View Post
Wow! That's not idiotic in all, just the contrary. It totally explains some behaviour that has always baffled me in some people I relate to that do indeed suffer from depression.

Thanks for this.
You're welcome. *blush*
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  #18  
Old 06-07-2013, 11:07 AM
Hetaera Hetaera is offline
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If they are depressed and on meds & in therapy, I'd say the meds aren't working. He/she either needs new meds or an add'l med. Meds aren't the whole story, so perhaps there is an underlying issue that needs to be resolved in therapy. If the current treatments aren't working, there needs to be a change. No amount of love & support will help if an underlying issue isn't being addressed.

fyi...I'm going to Grad school for Mental Health Counseling
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  #19  
Old 06-07-2013, 02:14 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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Originally Posted by Hetaera View Post
If they are depressed and on meds & in therapy, I'd say the meds aren't working. He/she either needs new meds or an add'l med. Meds aren't the whole story, so perhaps there is an underlying issue that needs to be resolved in therapy. If the current treatments aren't working, there needs to be a change. No amount of love & support will help if an underlying issue isn't being addressed.

fyi...I'm going to Grad school for Mental Health Counseling


Sadly there isn't always an underlying issue to deal with. I would recommend the book, The Body Remembers, but it's incredibly dry and meant for those in the research side not so much the people actually dealing with depression. To sum up, the idea is quite simply that we adjust to what works. So if there were problems, say in childhood, your brain adapts. We've probably all heard the stories of a baby that doesn't cry in an abusive household because even as an infant they know not to make noise. Those things, affect your brain chemistry.

For example, this book was brought up to us because at this point, self awareness, medication and my own internal work is my best bet. I don't remember my childhood. After years of therapy and in patient as well as out patient, it was decided I probably never will. However, because of things that have happened, it has changed my brain chemistry. Permanently. So medication is needed. I can go off meds, and have, for long periods. I can learn to handle and deal, but I never have a day I'm not struggling.

Read, there are plenty of books that help, talk to a therapist that can help you work through what you need to, there are even some great visualizations that you can use, I listen to before bed, to help purge emotions that get stuck. In the end though, it is the work of the individual and support is helpful. Essential really.

Also, find a counselor with some real experience, with the heavier stuff. Schizophrenia, in patient work, that kind of thing. You learn a lot in school, and in books, but being around those with problems, actually having watched a sweet caring person go down the hill of schizophrenia and the drastic change, can't be explained in research or books. It's another thing where hands on is a huge difference.
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  #20  
Old 06-07-2013, 03:47 PM
CherryBlossomGirl CherryBlossomGirl is offline
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Totally haven't been keeping up on this thread! My posting came out of my personal experience. I was clinically depressed for years in my teens; they tried me on every anti-depressent, I was seeing psychiatrists and psychologists, sat under 'happy lights' for an hour a day, etc. For me, it took realizing that I, and only I, was 'in charge' of my moods, life, happiness and health, and that only I could make the decision to find new tools and ways of being and utilize them.

I read a lot of books, I found a cognitive psychologist, I changed my diet, my exercise routine and consequently my life. I connected with ways of thinking that made me feel good, instead of awful. It didn't happen quickly, and I fucked up a lot with consistency, but me then vs. me now? Night and day. I used to spend days cloistered in my room chain smoking cigarettes and wasting away on the interwebz, listening to The Smiths and crying a lot. Now when I have those days (I no longer smoke, and find The Smiths make me smile now), I wallow for a couple of hours to respect that part of myself, and then I do just as someone else was mentioning - I con myself into making breakfast and coffee, I wheedle myself into the shower, and I choose an activity or goal that will take me out of the house, out of my head, and into the world. It does work in small increments when life feels like a lead weight on your chest/mind/heart.

Cultivating an attitude of gratitude has also really changed my life. Remembering and giving creedence to how incredibly lucky I am on a global scale has done a lot to get rid of some of the internal dialogue that kept me paralyzed in unhappiness for years. Instead of Why Me? in a negative sense, it's now Why Me? in how lucky I am to be able to turn on the tap and drink water out of it when scores of human beings die from waterborne illness every day. I'm not saying that depression isn't an illness too, but part of the solution for me was shifting my psychology to really internalize how blessed and lucky I am, even at the very worst emotional times in my life. I start my morning off with a gratitude session where I "pray" which to me, involves recognizing the people that I love, and saying thank you for things in my life - a comfortable bed in a safe home, partners who love me, my dogs, etc. etc. When I talk to myself about the good things in my life, it gives a certain spin to my day that isn't otherwise there.

I also give myself permission to restart my day at any time. If things start getting shitty, I can stop, take a cup of tea outside, and mentally reset the dialogue that is starting to make life feeling unmanageable. Life is what it is, but my attitude can change the way that I process it, and only I am responsible for that.

We're all on our own path, and having been plagued with self hating behaviour when I was younger (eating disorders, drug abuse, smoking, self mutilation, suicide attempts, resulting time in the psych ward, abusive relationships and the resulting depression) has given me a richer, deeper understanding of hardwon happiness in my own life. I changed my life step by step, and changed myself step by step. It isn't easy, and it took a long time for me to forgive myself and start really learning to love myself, but I'm getting there.

Last edited by CherryBlossomGirl; 06-07-2013 at 03:51 PM.
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