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Old 01-23-2010, 08:39 AM
Creatress Creatress is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 23
Default Am I still poly?

I don't know if poly is the right word for me.

Part of this is internal backlash from my first serious poly relationship going south--way south. Domestic violence south (not directed at me, it was among the other three members of the quad, but very disturbing nonetheless.)

I know that I want freedom in my relationship. I know that I want to not have to be PARANOID about talking to someone, flirting, a kiss. I want my love to come home from a night out and tell me about the cute girl he made out with or the guy he thought was hot. And while I know that open relationships can turn into poly ones pretty easily if given the time....*sigh* I don't know.

I suppose it doesn't MATTER when I don't have any relationship, let alone more than one. But I don't want to be a secondary (again). At this point in my life, I need to be the only really important one for a while. I need to heal, because in this last relationship, my needs ALWAYS came last or there was emotional hell to pay, and I need some healthy adoration and respect.

Just throwing that out to the universe. Don't know what exactly I'm looking for. Maybe reassurance that one day someone and I will fall madly in love and be ready to handle whatever comes our way, including new lovers. *sigh*
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