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Old 05-31-2013, 09:45 PM
himeton himeton is offline
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1
Default Anniversary questions....

Hello, I am new to the forum and have a question.
Okay, so my husband and I have our 12th wedding anniversary coming up and I am unsure how to proceed. We are very much in love with a great woman, and we want to propose to her. I was considering doing so on our wedding anniversary, my theory is we are planning on including her in our life and marriage, so what better way. Then I started wondering, separate or together. Is she going to want her own anniversary with him, with me, for all 3 of us? Or do we keep it simple and propose this year and have the commitment ceremony on our anniversary of next year, one day to celebrate our love for each other. I really appreciate any advice or experience anyone has on this. We have never reached a point in any other poly relationship where we knew we wanted to spend our lives with someone. This girl is special!
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Old 05-31-2013, 11:54 PM
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pollyanna pollyanna is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 41

I really think she should have her 'own' days and celebrations, not be drug along on our coattails.
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Old 06-01-2013, 04:28 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 826

What she said...also if any of you break up ever, it will sour the anniversary of the remaining people's celebration. Even though my ex and I had a pretty good divorce, we got married on New years, and since it's a memorable and important day of the year (much like your original wedding date is and will be) so that day of year was a bit awkward feeling for me for about 5 years before I felt like celebrating it again.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
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Old 06-01-2013, 10:21 AM
Maleficent Maleficent is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 45

Another vote for not sharing an anniversary. She deserves her own special day to celebrate your commitment to her. You already share enough.
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Old 06-01-2013, 01:05 PM
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Harborman Harborman is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 9

The union of the three of you should have its own celebration, but the first step is to propose. Then there should be the period of engagement where everyone can get their heads around the concept. That will give you a chance to work out all the emotional, political, economic, and legal implications (something I'm learning about). It's not so bad having two anniversaries every year for the three of you to celebrate - if no one forgets.
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Old 06-02-2013, 04:23 PM
polywindsor polywindsor is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Location: windsor ontario canada
Posts: 23

If she just "joins" in your anniversary its not making a special day and time for her. However if you are a symbolic person and like the symbolism of her joining your relationship, hence joining your day, then doing it on your anniversary and having another ceremony on that day could be very rewarding and fulfilling. I think that you should evaluate your circumstances and her personality to determine what would be best for you guys. Also did you and him get together with her on the same day or did he date her first then you? if you guys started dating her together right from the get go I personally would like to be included and added to the anniversary.

Congratulations BTW it is a huge and exciting step to take but one and is awesome and very romantic.....Best of luck, please keep us posted on what you decide and what she says
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