Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #31  
Old 05-29-2013, 08:49 PM
Natja's Avatar
Natja Natja is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 822
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Um, Nancy, you were not a unicorn, in my opinion. First of all, unicorns are mythical creatures, and I assume you are real, since you were actually able to type that message!
I am sure Nancy was only using Unicorn because I used it. Mind you I was thinking more along the lines of the stereotypical bells and whistles on 'Unicorn' as sought by our proverbial Unicorn Hunting couple as you describe.
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 05-29-2013, 10:31 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,033
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
When they come here and say, "We are looking for someone to add to our relationship, a woman who will love us both equally, move in with us, share our hearts and home, help raise our children but never get pregnant herself, share in the housework, and understand that we can never be "out" to our family or community," and so on, then people will say, "You're hunting for a unicorn!" to tell them they are totally unrealistic and living in Fantasy-Land.

But that doesn't mean that any bi woman who gets involved with a couple is a unicorn!!! Please! It's meant to poke fun at the couples who have the relationship all planned out before they actually meet the person, like fitting a jigsaw puzzle together, not be a label that a woman actually adopts. The sad thing is that the couples most blinded to reality think it is a term of endearment and then they say, "Oh, where is our unicorn? Why is it so hard to find someone?" Ugh, they just really don't get it.
There are bisexual women who would be willing to be part of a triad. Before I married-I was. My boyfriend and my now ex-girlfriend, I would have HAPPILY "married" both as their "HBB". What ended that option had NOTHING to do with poly/love. It was a simple matter of being young, she left for college and in college found that there were millions of other people in hundreds of other places that she wanted to explore-and neither he or I at that time-were in financial positions to follow her. *bummer*

But-the issue isn't in wanting to find a dream.
The issue is in remembering that you can't plan for the dream-to-reality; when the dream involves another person, until such time as that person is there to put their input in about what THEIR part of the dream/reality looks like.

So-what happens if the two of you meet a FUCKING AWESOME woman. TOTALLY amazing! You both fall in love with her, she's open to the idea, but as things fall into place, she only falls in love with one of you?
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 05-31-2013, 06:16 PM
Supportive Supportive is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 8
Default

Let me try to answer some of the questions posed here: Referring to our previous "unicorn" or HBB, she started as a long term mutual friend who developed a deeper relationship with my wife and I slowly over time. She is still around and we are all close, but not to the extent as before (we don't live together). We were not seeking this out, it just happened naturally and fit everybody well. Actively searching for a situation like this would be much harder (puzzle piece/ jigsaw). Thanks for all the insight everybody, don't worry about thread jacking, post away. You people are very passionate about the subject, and amusing if nothing else.
__________________
Just here to learn for now
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 05-31-2013, 08:02 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,647
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Supportive View Post
Thanks for all the insight everybody, don't worry about thread jacking, post away. You people are very passionate about the subject, and amusing if nothing else.
LOL. Sometimes, people think that the folks who are "against" unicorn-hunting are "bitter" either because they were involved with a couple and had a bad experience, or because they WERE part of a unicorn-hunting couple and had a bad experience, or no experience. I find it amusing when people think that.

Otherwise, this is a topic that won't go away because just LOOK at how many posts there are on this forum alone (in the Dating & Friendships section) that are basically unicorn-hunter templates. When people such as Natja and others say things like, "triads are rare", then people pop up posting here saying they've been in a MFF triad for years, compare that to the number of couples out there WANTING a triad and THEN say it isn't "rare".
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 05-31-2013, 09:11 PM
Supportive Supportive is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 8
Default

That's pretty much it. We will not search since it is so rare. We are open to building something if the situation grows organically. We are happy as we are now and not lacking.
__________________
Just here to learn for now
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 05-31-2013, 09:35 PM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: East Coast, U.S.
Posts: 348
Default

When couples are looking for that hot bi girlfriend, the problem is the way they talk about it. They say things like, "We should get a girlfriend," just like another couple might say, "We should get a puppy" or "We should get a new sofa." A new accessory to enhance their life--and even if they don't mean it that way, when they phrase it that way, that's how it comes across. And it shows they haven't put enough thought into it.

If a friend of yours who was single said, "I want to get a girlfriend," you would look at him oddly and say, "What do you mean, 'get' a girlfriend? You don't just go to a store and pick one out. Do you mean that you want to get out there and meet women and go on dates and see if you click with someone? 'Cause that's how you 'get' a girlfriend."

When couples want to date as a couple, somehow they forget how DATING works.
__________________
Single, straight, female, solo, non-monogamous.
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 05-31-2013, 10:48 PM
Supportive Supportive is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 8
Default

I don't think people actively seek out friends, it just happens. In dating, you do. We are just open to friends who are open to a little more, maybe closer friendship. All of the females that have come closer to us in our circle have been friends first. My wife just brought up the scenario to tell me that she misses that extra connection/ bond that we sometimes share with another girl.
__________________
Just here to learn for now
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 09:20 AM.