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Old 05-30-2013, 08:23 AM
Cleo Cleo is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 485
Default Used to be his primary, now secondary. Experiences?

Background: my boyfriend C and I have been together vor 18 months. For almost all of that time he has been single (he was dating someone when we met, but she broke up with him after 1 month). We had a very intense relationship from the start, where we would see each other as often as the distance between us would permit, and were in daily communication - everything from long emails to wishing each other good night almost every day. I have 2 other partners, but I was, essentially, his primary - the one he shared everything with.

He has recently started dating someone and it's getting more serious. We have had our issues around this (see my latest blog posts for more info on this) but things seem to have calmed down, and it's becoming pretty clear to me that she is rapidly taking a very important place in his life and his heart. I'm ok with it, and in fact have felt in the past that he leaned on me for support a bit too much. I am happy for him that he has found someone and thogh that someone a new social circle (he has been lonely).

but, BUT... I am struggling with the changing position. I find myself not knowing what my place in his life is now. They spend a lot of time together, and my dates with him have to be carefully scheduled. Even though this is the situation that is much more balanced (after all I have other partners, and am not always available) I find myself struggling with this.

I wonder if it's plain old insecurity issues ('he must like her more than me')?
I also suspect I've gotten too used to being his one and only. Anyway, I was wondering if others have experienced this - a change in position from primary to secondary partner, and how did you deal with it?

(p.s. it doesn't help that I would like to meet her, but she doesn't want to meet me. I'm hoping this will change - I might a little too impatient here).
Cleo - forties straight female
Ren - husband of 20 + years
Bo - BF of 3 years
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