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  #1211  
Old 05-28-2013, 04:44 PM
willowstar willowstar is offline
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Default Love and compersion and bliss

So I just needed to share my awesome wonderful weekend with everyone!

This weekend I had the opportunity to go to a concert with my husband, my boyfriend, AND his family!!! It is something BF and his family do, Dave Matthews Band, two night stint. We met in the afternoon of Sunday at a local restaurant, had some food, got caught up with everyone and just eased into the day. Bf's kids dont know anything about us, so we kept things platonic for the day, just being together but not romantic.

We found our parking area and tailgated for a couple hours, listening to music, snacking, and chatting with teen kids. Hubby and BF interacted beautifully, even joked around with each other and gave each other some typical male guff about setting up equipment and such. I was just feeling so incredibly happy to be with both of them together. I even gave some Reiki to BF's wife, who hurt her leg recently. It gave us the opportunity to chat and connect a bit, which I think she appreciated, and I know I did.

Then into the concert. Set up our folding chairs, staked out our spot (it is an open lawn seating venue). Another mutual friend of BF's and mine also showed up and hung out with us for the night. It was so much fun to see this long-time friend, to see BF as a Dad having fun with his teenagers (BF is much a teenager himself at heart), and enjoying the awesome music.

Late in the evening, the two teens were off doing their own thing. Temps were chilly, and we were all bundled up on our lawn chairs with blankets. I was holding hands with hubby on my right. I decided to take a chance and reach out to BF on my left as well and just touched his hand under his blanket. He held my hand back quietly, and for about 45 minutes I got to sit there, between my guys, holding both their hands and just basking in the love. I was in total heaven..... Hubby kept looking over at me and smiling because he knew what I was doing (we were just keeping it on the down low because of the kids) and the wonderful compersion on his face was sweet and amazing.

The next day BF told me how amazing it was for him as well. Hubby was happy it all worked out and he felt very comfortable with everything all day. BF's wife told him she had a good time and we should do things like that more often.

Best. Concert. Ever.
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Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming... ~ Dori


Willow ~ 44yo bi woman, married to Bear (formerly known as TB) for 18 years
Bear-Maybe poly/maybe mono straight man, still feeling it out
Armadillo (formerly known as BF) - currently out of the picture. Depression is evil...
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  #1212  
Old 08-07-2013, 04:54 AM
Legatia Legatia is offline
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J and I have been together for almost 4 years, now, and we've always been mono. I started talking about polyamory about 2 years ago(but I actually vaguely suggested it before, I just didn't know there was a term for it) and he reacted very negatively. The subject came back a couple of times since then, and we did some intensive talking and thinking about it in the last month or so and he thinks he might be poly, too! We fought a lot, cried a lot, have been confused and ended up reconsidering everything in our relationship, but finally, we agreed!

I didn't think he was there yet, but he started reading a bit on the forum here and he brought up the subject of rules, and it turns out he doesn't want any rules, but respect, honesty and that we always make sure that the kids come first(we have 2 of them), which is what I wanted too, I just didn't think he was ready to talk about that. So... I'm pretty happy right now
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  #1213  
Old 12-11-2013, 02:27 AM
FarAwayLover FarAwayLover is offline
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Smile success with cell phone charging!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
This version of camping was as remote and disconnected as I could do. I would do it again, but I was running around looking for a way to charge my phone the entire time
I'm a newbie making my way through this _wonderful_ thread!

Replying to a really old message - from 2010, post # 728.
Maybe Ariakas has figured this out by now, but they now make wind-up flashlights that you can recharge just by winding them, and at this point they have cell phone adapters to go with them. So you can just use your _muscle_ power to charge your cell phone!

FAL
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  #1214  
Old 12-11-2013, 04:30 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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I'm probably the happiest in a poly relationship I've ever been. The first two I had other than my husband weren't the best.

But now I'm seeing a guy who is present when we are together. Wants a family style tribe including myself and Woodsmith. A direct metamour who not only wants to see my relationship with her husband foster but also gotten a strong friendship with a possibility of sisterhood if we both want that growth. And the other connections are just as welcoming.

And my relationship with my husband has just been getting better. For a chance even though he is stressed with school he hasn't been closing off like he normally did in the past.
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Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #1215  
Old 12-11-2013, 06:20 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Happy for you, CG!
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The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #1216  
Old 01-10-2014, 02:16 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Default Poly Dreams Do Come True

Just wanted to add my own little success story. I'm in a cute little hetero MFM poly-fi V -- just blogged about it if you're interested -- and couldn't be happier. We had some rough times in our early years together, but we gradually learned how to live with each other in peace and harmony.

Today we live together in a lovely new apartment unit. Each of the two guys has his own bedroom, and Lady Hinge alternates nights between us. I have a little "bed and bath" kingdom where I spend most of my time, with a generous-sized window looking out at the trees and sheltered skies of Washington (near Seattle). My favorite older brother lives nearby and we can see him often now, along with his wife, her daughter, and her daughter's boyfriend. We get along with them splendidly and love it here. Most of our relatives live in Utah and Michigan but that's okay; we're far removed from the family politics.

For me the gift of privacy is what opened the doors to contented communal living. Just knowing I have a "place to hide" if things get heated is exactly what keeps things from getting heated and makes me feel happy to share my time and company with my two companions. Sure I'm usually tucked away in my bedroom, but no longer does it make me nervous to "come out and play." For those moving in together, I strongly recommend making provisions for everyone's privacy.

We've been handfasted since mid-2009 and together as a V since early-2006. Our first few years together saw much paranoia on my part, afraid that Brother-Husband would veto me out of the family. I imagine that he in turn was concerned that I -- the "new and shiny" -- would nudge him out of the picture. We just had to find our comfort zone with each other, and establishing privacy, for me at least, was a necessary step in that process.

We're open to becoming an N or M or what have you, but aren't looking and like what we have already. We don't have sex outside our three-person circle, a rule that we don't mind obeying. Some people would need a lot more polyamorous freedom. We're rather conservative compared to the "average polyamorous demographic," but that's okay because it works well for us.

So for those wondering if a poly tale can have a happy ending: Yes it can. True, not all poly tales will end happily, but this one sure has (though of course it's not the "end" by any means).

Glad to answer any questions if anyone has any.
Regards,
Kevin T.
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  #1217  
Old 01-10-2014, 02:36 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Thanks for sharing this lovely vignette, Kevin. Always heartening and smile-inducing to hear stories like this, especially ones that have gone on for years and years. Congrats!
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Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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  #1218  
Old 01-10-2014, 12:18 PM
Nadya Nadya is offline
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Kevin, I want to thank you for sharing this, too. It is good to read about happy long-term poly.

My own MFM vee has its first year behind, and things look great for us, too. I travel between the two homes. We have a set schedule for that and the schedule has proven to be flexible when needed. My guys have slowly been building a connection as metamours, and we spent Christmas together the three of us. From my POV the Christmas celebration showed that the guys have pretty much resolved their respective insecurity / jealousy issues, and were able to relax in each other's company as well as show their affection to me with no negative consequences.

We also are planning to move in together in a duplex, a separate apartment for each guy. When this plan actualizes, remains to be seen. I consider this kind of a plan a vignette in itself. It is lovely to make plans for the future with your loved ones.
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I am a woman living with my two male partners: CJ (legal husband) and Mark (no label added).
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  #1219  
Old 01-10-2014, 03:58 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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I love it when a good plan comes together.
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  #1220  
Old 01-10-2014, 05:21 PM
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SlowPoly SlowPoly is offline
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Smile My two little, happy, poly families

I'm new here, but my poly life has been in process for a long, long time.

I have a co-parent (W) who has always been poly, but we were de facto monogamous for well over a decade, having babies, getting to know them, sorting out what we wanted our lives to look like. Poly was always on the table from W's perspective, even one-sided poly if I couldn't get my head around W having others. I never went there.

Eventually, I went there. But only when I was philosophically committed to embracing equal freedoms for both of us. W was supportive through my first wobbly (and brief) poly relationships. Everything was open and honest. We never needed or wanted secrecy.

Another supportive friend was M, whom I had known years before W. M was single and familiar to me, and we communicated well. I wasn't looking for casual sex with new partners, but now augmenting our long-term, long-distance emotionally intimate relationship with rare in-person visits seemed natural and comfortable. We assumed it wouldn't grow into anything else. M wasn't interested in trying to become part of a big, happy, poly family, and we two were realistic about the unknown limits of our compatibility.

Rare visits became occasional, then frequent. Communication happened. Feelings and needs were checked on. W and I continued to focus on the health of our family and the growth of the people in it. W encouraged me to accept M's importance to me. I began to think of M as truly being family, to me, at least. We talked a lot: W and I, M and I, and the kids (and W) and I.

At some point we noticed we were settling into this. We realized that there was nothing that prevented this dual-family structure being sustainable. Any changes it brought would be only as predictable and as manageable as in any other set of relationships. We began to talk about the distant future always including all of us. No matter what that might look like, we (both couples) intend to grow old together.

While scoping out our next major move and developing criteria for what our new town should provide us, W and I decided to move our family closer to where M lived. Not to force a combination of my families, but to facilitate my moving between them.

This is where we are now. M and I get to spend more time together than ever. From each home, my other loved ones are close enough that I can be with them on short notice. Having chosen our new home town very carefully on other criteria, W and the kids and I are in clover. We all feel cared for and listened to. We want what we have, and we're open to change.

Happy? Yup.
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