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  #791  
Old 05-24-2013, 05:59 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Just because I feel like I'm not done talking about him:
His eyes are more than one color at once.
He's short, very short for a man, actually just a little shorter than me and I'm short for a woman.
His build is slight but well toned. He's strong and flexible, but he's not heavy and solid the way so many men are.
His skin is fair and smooth and patterned with beautiful freckles, especially over his shoulders.
His hair is soft and fine, sandy-blond, cropped to a couple of inches.
He speaks softly. He has a lot of thoughts, but he doesn't chatter. He pays close attention and he says what he means.
He loves me.
He loves me.
He loves me.
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Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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  #792  
Old 05-26-2013, 04:46 PM
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Last night, I accepted a last-minute invitation to watch Bee while Gia and Eric went to see a show that she had worked on the technical aspects of (got paid and everything!). For once, I didn't have anything else planned on a Saturday evening, so I was very happy to jump in, very happy to see Bee, very happy that she got a chance to see her work in action. Bee had his fussy moments, but on the whole he was delightful, randomly kissing me, flopping on top of me when we were lying in bed together.

When G&E got back, Gia was in so much pain from the condition she's been dealing with that she could barely focus. It was pretty upsetting to see her like that, though I kept my reaction under control, not wanting to make her feel worse. A day in severe pain is bad enough. Five days straight? Not ok. She's taking a LOT of pain medication (under a doctor's supervision), and it's not helping. I know it's not "my fault" just for mentioning that I had unmet needs, but there's a part of me that feels awful nonetheless, knowing that I did contribute to the stress that's put her where she is right now.

It's so odd, to have such wildly conflicting feelings in two of my relationships right now -- deep and settled love, lack of physical fulfillment, sadness and guilt and concern in one VS. new and evolving love, intense physical fulfillment, happiness and pride and excitement in another.
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  #793  
Old 05-27-2013, 05:09 PM
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I've mentioned here, very briefly, that Clay has done sex work before. I didn't ask him much about it at first.

Izzy, the partner he's been with the longest, has been an escort for five years. I was totally cool with that in theory, but when Clay brought up the possibility of us going barrier-free at some point, my immediate reaction (not that I said it to him in this way, exactly...) was "NO WAY I WILL GET ALL THE DISEASES BECAUSE OF IZZY." So then, in an attempt to be the rational, non-prejudiced person I like to imagine myself to be, I had to slowly back off from that reaction and examine it objectively. I still don't know if I'll choose to go barrier-free with Clay or not, and don't feel rushed about the decision, but I've done a lot of reading and learned a LOT about STI transmission rates, it's been very interesting.

I've also had to confront some prejudice that I didn't know I had. When I thought about Izzy's work more deeply, really imagined her with her clients, I had some icky feelings. I've been attempting to understand more about her line of work in order to see how much of those feelings have anything at all to do with my real beliefs, and how many are just lingering prejudices that come from being raised in a society that paints sex workers as disposable, dumb, damaged, disease-ridden jokes. I've been reading blogs written by escorts, and finding great resources like this video -- it's SO GOOD, if you're at all interested in this topic I highly recommend it -- http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...&v=FTdBXLCo1Qk.

I've slowly felt the vast majority of those icky feelings sloughing off, it's been nice. It's still not an occupation I would choose for myself, but, then, there are LOTS of jobs that I wouldn't choose to do if I had other options available.

I told Clay about the reading I'd been doing, and it prompted a larger conversation. He told me more about the sex work he'd done -- very occasional pro-dom stuff, involving some sexual activity, all for one particular male client. An odd-job that he'd stumbled into, basically, one that he found taxing but not entirely un-enjoyable, and that paid very well. The last time he'd seen the guy was in the fall, many months before we'd met.

Well, as it happens, Mr. Client contacted him again just the other day. And he's going to make the appointment. So, I'm now no longer dating a former sex worker who also dates a sex worker, I'm actually dating an active sex worker (if one who only works every once in a great while).

I'm really, really, really, really glad I did all of that reading and working on my thoughts and feelings before Mr. Client got back in touch. 0_0

I'm curious to see how much he'll want to tell me about the appointment.
What I need to know afterwards -- if he's ok.
What I want to know afterwards -- every single detail.
The ideal amount of information for me to know afterwards -- whatever he wants to share.
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  #794  
Old 05-27-2013, 10:55 PM
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FWIW, there are, apparently, a (very) few escort agencies that are actually legit, where the women are expected to be dates and no sex takes place. And they prefer to hire ordinary-looking women, instead of the sexy models with fake boobs you usually see in escort ads, so that they are believable as wives and gf's for these men who (hard to accept that this still happens these days) are pressured in their careers to be "settled down" and straight. I've looked and gotten a lead, but have not found a way to contact this one that was recommended.

I just thought you might find that interesting.
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  #795  
Old 05-28-2013, 03:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
FWIW, there are, apparently, a (very) few escort agencies that are actually legit, where the women are expected to be dates and no sex takes place. And they prefer to hire ordinary-looking women, instead of the sexy models with fake boobs you usually see in escort ads, so that they are believable as wives and gf's for these men who (hard to accept that this still happens these days) are pressured in their careers to be "settled down" and straight. I've looked and gotten a lead, but have not found a way to contact this one that was recommended.

I just thought you might find that interesting.
I do. I've found that thinking hard about sex work prompts me to think hard about work in general -- the different ways that we sell our time and our bodies and our selves.
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  #796  
Old 05-28-2013, 04:39 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
I do. I've found that thinking hard about sex work prompts me to think hard about work in general -- the different ways that we sell our time and our bodies and our selves.
Regarding work (of any kind), I strive to live by the words of Kahlil Gibran in The Prophet: Work is love made visible.
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Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
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  #797  
Old 06-05-2013, 04:29 AM
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My life is crazy this month. I'm rehearsing non-stop for an upcoming play, dealing with stressful stuff at work, prepping for a weekend kinky camping trip with Clay, planning a week-long solo trip out of state next month. It feels like almost too much. The solo trip will be good for me, I think. An opportunity to recharge, relax, and spend quality time with my primary partner, the one person who I know will always be with me... myself.

What about my other partners, then?

Davis joined me and Bee on a trip to the diner the other day. It was the first time that he and Bee have spent any length of time together. He did a good job of helping out, and Bee was well-behaved. It was a big deal for me, because in the past he's avoided Bee like the plague -- he dislikes babies -- and I didn't like feeling like those two parts of my life couldn't intersect. Yay!

I find myself thinking of Davis more as a best friend lately than as a pseudo-partner. He told me, very calmly, that if Clay and I stopped using barriers then he and I would need to start using them again. All I could think was that perhaps in some way that might help him move on, and that that would be a good thing. *sigh* Still not sure if I'm doing the right thing by staying in his life. I wish I could look into an alternate universe in which I'd cut off all contact with him, and see whether he'd be better or worse off in the long run. I know that's a pointless thought.

Gia and I have a date coming up this weekend. We'll have a nice, long chunk of time together. I'm very much looking forward to it, and feel unconcerned about the question of whether or not we'll have sex. Maybe that'll change as the date gets closer, but for now it's good to feel like it's really just about spending time with her.

This past weekend, at the dance night we go to, she gripped my jaw hard and spun me around, kissed my deeply, manipulated my body. I felt intoxicated by her nearness and her force. She's feeling better physically, which is a huge relief.

Clay and I went about a week and a half without seeing each other, and I was so busy that I didn't really have time to miss him. It was nice to anticipate seeing him next without feeling like I was aching over it.

We finally saw each other last night, at a small kink event he runs. Both of his more serious partners, Izzy and Nikki, were there, along with some of his more casual play partners as well. Once again, I felt like he did a great job of splitting his time and focus. We did some fun, relatively mild kinky things together, and also just lazed around and chatted with his friends.

I spent some time talking to Izzy's live-in partner, June, and we got along very well. I've gotten along well with all of Clay's friends and partners so far, actually, he has good taste. I was really impressed, at this particular event, to see that one person could have so many of "their people" in one place without it seeming overwhelming. Everyone just has their own things going on... Clay is a part of their lives, whether large or small, but he's not a critical centerpiece, and this seems to work out well for all involved. The interconnected-ness within this scene (one could say incestuousness) coupled with the lack of drama (that I've seen yet, anyway) is a truly beautiful thing.

After the event, we all went back to Izzy and June's place and hung out for a little while. Izzy's other partner, Royce, was there too (I seem to know quite a number of people with three main partners each these days... three is the magic number, it seems!). Everyone was just so smiley and relaxed, and we had plenty of interesting things to talk about (mutual interests, politics, local news). Izzy seemed especially eager and sincere in her attempts to connect with me. I really appreciated that, but I was also really tired, so I'm not sure if I showed it or not. I look forward to hanging out with her (and June and Royce) more at some point, hopefully sooner rather than later.

Clay and I went back to his place together that night. On the drive, he said how happy it makes him to feel that what we have together is really "A Thing -- capital A, capital T". So cute!!! XD

It's funny, I've always thought he was hot, but he's become absolutely gorgeous to me as our bond has deepened. I told him this and he reacted with embarrassment. I let it go at the time, as it was very late and we were both tired. The next day, though, we talked some more and it came up. He thanked me for my compliments, and shared a very personal childhood story related to his difficulty in believing that he could possibly be attractive. His vulnerability with me makes me feel so protective and even more deeply in love (who knew that this could continue to get deeper??).

Hopefully, he and I will have a just-us date this weekend -- I'm waiting for confirmation from him that he'll be free. And then, of course, as I mentioned in my opening paragraph, we'll be camping together for a couple of nights in just two and a half weeks -- fuck, it'll be so good to fall asleep and wake up with him multiple nights in a row.
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Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.

Last edited by AnnabelMore; 06-05-2013 at 04:33 AM.
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  #798  
Old 06-05-2013, 04:48 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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It's different, being with someone who has so many people in their intimate network (I'm talking about Clay, in case you couldn't guess). When I think about the other people he's involved with, I feel... hmmm, it's complex. A drop of jealousy/envy (he's seeing that person that night? but what if I'M free that night? I'm not, but what if...), a hint of fear (will he still be as interested in me if he starts getting more interested in someone else?), and a lot of curiosity (who are they? what do they care about? what do they give to him, what do they get?).

These aren't intense feelings, mostly I'm quite chill, but they are occasionally... distracting. Getting closer to Clay's other partners seems to help. Sleeping with Nikki, hanging out with Izzy, both seem to have accomplished the same effect of making them more like real human beings to me, rather than simply mysterious figures that take up space in the life of this man I love.

It's an interesting lifestyle that we're all living. I guess you could call it solo poly? Or just non-hierarchical poly? It feels a bit like living on the edge -- no safety net of a life partner who's promised to have you and hold you, through sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, as long as you both shall live, nor even the goal of finding one. No set schedule, no long list of rules. Just a web of independent people, living and loving and touching, holding each other tightly and then letting go, over and over.
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  #799  
Old 06-06-2013, 10:22 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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I feel like I've introduced a number of new characters pretty quickly lately, and that that might make this confusing to read. So! Here are two hopefully-not-too-identifying facts about each of the people in my signature line, in order to help flesh them out (and because it was just fun to make this list).

Annabel: Hairy for a female-bodied person. Bikes a lot.
Gia: Curvy like woah (aw yeah). Possesses a strong sense of social justice.
Clay: Was in a band for many years. Will call you out if you deserve it.
Davis: Has a floppy mohawk. Former military.
Eric: Strong cheekbones. Rarely smiled before he became a father.
Bee: Blond and blue-eyed. Loves all doggies unreservedly.
Dexter: Developing a bald spot. Likes to send long, poetic text messages.
Helen: Queen of the shy smile. Doesn't seem to quite believe it when people are nice to her.
Izzy: Tall and slim, like a bean pole. Kind to stray animals.
Nikki: Perky and bouncy. Dislikes cats.
June: Broad-shouldered. The biggest nerd you may ever meet.
Royce: Pleasantly rotund. Usually stoned.
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Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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  #800  
Old 06-07-2013, 12:50 AM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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I appreciate the cast list, although I wasn't having trouble following the show

Just wanted to say--as a fiction writer and teacher, I am really impressed by your character descriptions in this list! Quirky & original physical traits paired with quirky & original personality traits...you bring these people to life in two short phrases. Like a good author should! I could use something like this as an example in my creative writing classes. Good job!

And thanks for this blog. I admire how you're living your life and the success you're having.
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