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Old 05-26-2013, 09:56 PM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Middle of Oregon
Posts: 422
Default it's whether or not the power is abused

there are few things worse than a position of authority that is abused but it's ignorant to paint all relationships framed with a hierarchy as something to be shamed by a community. It pretty much the same deal with blasting or bashing all couples who seek to add a third to "their relationship" and call them unicorn hunters as if all couples are going to abuse the single.

Trying to get a group to adopt such an attitude is a good example of bad authority. I don't buy into the whole anarchy outlook either as it doesn't matter if it's one person abusing authority or a collective of individuals claiming no authority, either way when an ignorant viewpoint is enforced in a community it's a problem, subtlety or masking the problem with any picture frame doesn't change anything. Democracy works, it's not a mob mentality, the reason the United States democracy doesn't work is because there is no voting system that allows for a large enough voter turnout to truly be a Voice of The People. Alls they have to do to fix it, is implement on secure online system as these days that would mean numbers closer to 90% of eligible voters voting as opposed to the 30-40% we have now.

There really isn't a whole lot of difference between a "veto" and when someone more respectfully says they will leave because of such and such behavior, but will stay if it stops. When there is a choice presented and it's distinguished as a choice with consequences THAT is an ultimatum, so it's almost comical to say there is a difference, but I too have mistakenly believed there's a difference, but there isn't

The only difference is the ethics of the intention is more closely associated with plain old right and wrong. If a person behavior is that of someone you cannot be in a relationship with, because their core beliefs do not align with yours, you shouldn't give them a choice to change the behavior. The behavior will manifest in new and equally unethical behaviors because it is beliefs that are the problem.

The problem isn't with vetos, it's people who are too immature to recognize that when you have to issue a veto with a partner that's due to a discrepancy of core beliefs, you should be leaving the relationship not trying to change the behavior. If you want to stay in the relationship you will need to be able teach them your belief system, but they have to genuinely desire to learn it. Sometimes it's good to have an ultimatum for those caught up in NRE, but when the ultimatum is given by a petty partner who cannot handle reasonable jealousy it's a problem

The only people who will know whether a veto is right or wrong are those involved, but sometimes those involved are so blinded by their emotions they cannot recognize the difference between right and wrong, and that is exactly the reason why friends, true friends who have similar beliefs, their opinions are invaluable

It's a dumb idea for a community to decide black and white attitudes for anything other than right and wrong. To label all hierarchies either way is ignorant.

Detailed definitions are necessary for all languages that communicate complex ideas, but allowing for fluidity is necessary for people who aren't perfect. Some fluidity is needed for those who can admit when they were wrong. Some people are not able to do that

Last edited by Dirtclustit; 05-26-2013 at 11:04 PM. Reason: typos
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heirarchy, primary, primary/secondary, secondaries, secondary, secondary feelings

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