Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 05-22-2013, 06:07 PM
Ssandra Ssandra is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 65
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
That said, i was only echoing the part where you the OP called yourself a control freak. It does seem that way sometimes the wording you use, but clearly if you were a control freak after all you probably would get pissed off if someone called you that.
I have issues with control when I am emotionally not feeling very well. When I'm feeling insecure, sad, etc, and it is too subtle for me to notice, I usually notice because my need for control goes up tremendously. It is a good way to see how well I'm doing emotionally

So far the best way to deal with it for me personally has been to give in to my need for control wherever possible (sort term fix) so that I can have the mental peace of mind to work on the other issue, which is the real cause for that need for control.

And once that other issue is "fixed" or dealt with, the need for control just goes away by itself.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 05-22-2013, 06:11 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,647
Default

That's very interesting. Seems like you know yourself pretty well. That is refreshing to see.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 05-22-2013, 06:16 PM
Ssandra Ssandra is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 65
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
That's very interesting. Seems like you know yourself pretty well. That is refreshing to see.
I've been involved with personal development for a very long time, I am a master NLP Practitioner, Hypnotherapist and Time Technique Practitioner, as well as life coach

I personally believe that nobody else is responsible for my feelings besides me and that being "at cause" is the secret to living a healthy, happy, fulfilling and entertaining life.

Not to say that it is always very easy... but it is way more effective to be at cause than to blame others (people, circumstances) for whatever is not working the way you want it to work.

(although now that I mention it... I am sort of blaming my hormones for feeling the way I do, instead of choosing to feel good... hmmm food for thought...)
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 05-24-2013, 08:08 PM
Ssandra Ssandra is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 65
Default

Shit just got real. She might be pregnant. Accident obviously, and most likely she is not, but she is late. But she is also very irregular and has had a lot of stress in the last few weeks. They used just condoms for the last month or so. She was/is planning on additional birth control, this month (has to wait till she gets her period to start).

They are going to take a test next week and we will se what happens.

Of course, before starting all this I thought about all the possible outcomes, pregnancy being one of them, and theoretically I was ok with it.

It still sucks if that is the case though. My husband and I planned my pregnancy. We talked about it for 2 years before even starting to prepare to try. I lost weight, got healthier. We talked about education, how to raise our baby, etc. it took us 8 months to get pregnant.

She doesn't want kids now, but would keep it if she is pregnant by accident. At least, that's what she said when they were starting to get physical. Things may have changed, may not have.

I'm trying to be calm. Most likely she will be like me, take a test that turns out negative, and get her period a few hours later. Stress does weird things to the body.

My husband is worried as well. Both of us had already decided we didn't want anymore kids. Just the one. (Edit: obviously he is a great man, and says it is 100% her decision what to, and that he will stand by her no matter what. There is a reason why I love him so much. He truly is an amazing person!)

If this is true, things that were talk of the future are suddenly talk of the present. Things like the living situation. I am definitely NOT ok with my husband only living with us (me and the baby) part time, and part time with her. I'd be ok with all of us sharing a house and him sleeping in her bedroom half the time and the other half in mine. However, I'm not sure they are ok with that. I know right now they definitely are not even ok with just hanging out together.

It is all hypothetical of course until we know, hopefully we will know soon that it is nothing and that everything can just go on as it is for a long while longer, till everybody is more used to the situation.
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 05-24-2013, 11:43 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
Posts: 889
Default

I wish you well with that situation. You are handling it better than most people I know would, so kudos for that. Accidents happen. I hope it works out for all of you and that she is not pregnant right now.
__________________
Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 12 years and father of our (3.5) children.
Closed.

My Blog
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 05-25-2013, 01:59 AM
Ssandra Ssandra is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 65
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
I wish you well with that situation. You are handling it better than most people I know would, so kudos for that. Accidents happen. I hope it works out for all of you and that she is not pregnant right now.

Thanks. Not much sense in panicking or being upset, it is one of the known risks of having sex, and if you don't want to take the risk, do that've sex (or don't be ok with your partner having sex).
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 05-25-2013, 05:11 PM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,244
Default

Hey, just wanted to say that, as someone in a poly relationship with a new parent, it's nice to see someone else who seems to be successfully managing it so far (I know it's early days, but everything you've written sounds very reasonable and workable to me). Some poly folks seem to think that pregnancy and then the first couple of years of infancy are just not a good time for multiple relationships, because there's too much other stuff going on. It HAS been hard at times (what relationship isn't?), but I'd like to think that, because I can help out with babysitting or in a crisis, my presence in the lives of the new parents has actually made it easier for them overall rather than harder.

Anyways, best of luck.
__________________
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 05-26-2013, 01:32 AM
Ssandra Ssandra is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 65
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Hey, just wanted to say that, as someone in a poly relationship with a new parent, it's nice to see someone else who seems to be successfully managing it so far (I know it's early days, but everything you've written sounds very reasonable and workable to me). Some poly folks seem to think that pregnancy and then the first couple of years of infancy are just not a good time for multiple relationships, because there's too much other stuff going on. It HAS been hard at times (what relationship isn't?), but I'd like to think that, because I can help out with babysitting or in a crisis, my presence in the lives of the new parents has actually made it easier for them overall rather than harder.

Anyways, best of luck.

How long have you been in the relationship?

A friend of mine put it very well...

If a couple is monogamous and gets pregnant or has a small child, nobody would accept them saying "you know what, being monogamous is too difficult right now. Better open things up until things are more relaxed".

Why would that be different for being poly? My opinions and orientation (for lack of a better word) don't just change just because I'm pregnant.
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 05-26-2013, 01:33 AM
Ssandra Ssandra is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 65
Default

It seems that she is cramping today, so that is good news Both for her and for everybody (she doesn't want children right now!)

Tomorrow we are all going to go to a first aid course for babies and children, the first time we are all together.

I'm ok with that, looking forward to the course.

I think she is feeling ok, just a bit nervous.

My husband is horribly nervous and anxious about it....
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 05-26-2013, 03:57 AM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,244
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ssandra View Post
How long have you been in the relationship?

A friend of mine put it very well...

If a couple is monogamous and gets pregnant or has a small child, nobody would accept them saying "you know what, being monogamous is too difficult right now. Better open things up until things are more relaxed".

Why would that be different for being poly? My opinions and orientation (for lack of a better word) don't just change just because I'm pregnant.
Three and a half years total. A year before she got pregnant, then through the pregnancy, and now the little boy is almost two.

I agree, your friend put it very well.
__________________
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 05:47 PM.