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  #11  
Old 05-18-2013, 02:40 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Wow, besides couples looking to "add a third" to their relationship-- "share" a gf, the next most common issues on the boards here has been men OK with their wife/gf seeing other women, but not other men!

And besides his one penis policy (OPP), your bf's transphobia makes me sick.

I applaud you exploring poly at your age. My daughter also did in her early 20s but is taking a break and has been mono with her gf for a couple years. Even though one may be attracted to multiple people, successful poly hinges on knowing oneself well, having firm limits, discussing and establishing healthy boudanries... this can be hard when one is only 20something and barely knows oneself yet! Keep up the good work, and good luck! Keep reading around the board here, read websites, read books.
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  #12  
Old 05-18-2013, 07:25 PM
Rosque Rosque is offline
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Break up? Seriously at the very least make it clear that you won't take more from him, besides the point that it sounds like it is possible that he might be trying to control your sexuality which a-lot of monogamous people seam to desire to do on poly people~ if this was a gambling site. He’s clearly not poly and clearly not fine with your sexuality, he most certainly hurt your partner and most certainly is both transphobic and probably also (willing) ignorant about what it means to be trans at-least for a significant number of transpeople, which I quite frankly would find more than unforgiveable in a partner.

Last edited by Rosque; 05-18-2013 at 09:05 PM.
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  #13  
Old 05-24-2013, 06:58 AM
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PolyPaulie PolyPaulie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Somegeezer View Post
people like him are just not worth wasting energy on. There's too much stress in trying to not be yourself. =]

You are so right. Its just been so stressful because I'm pansexual and whats in a persons pants is the lasT thing I think about or am aware of… so Its easy to fall for anyone on the spectrum. And having to try so hard to only look for a specific type of person that my primary okayed was just SO CONFUSING AND STRESSFUL.
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  #14  
Old 05-24-2013, 07:10 AM
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PolyPaulie PolyPaulie is offline
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Default Thank you!!!

Thank you all so much for your input! This past week has been a huge decision making week for me, and your replies have helped me a great deal! If anyone cares to know what happened, my boyfriend and I are broken up for good. We had a long serious talk about what we wanted now and in the future and resolved that we just don't make sense as a couple.We are just too different. And frankly, his transphobia makes me sick too. On another note C and I have been dating almost five months now. We have become much closer and I feel really great about our blossoming relationship. We seem to be making a good couple because, aside from all the small things we have in common, he is much more open minded and completely Poly like me.

Oh, and that trans woman I mentioned? I asked her out on a date because of my new found freedom and she said "Finally! Of course!" So, wish me luck!
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  #15  
Old 05-24-2013, 03:28 PM
Octopus Octopus is offline
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That's wonderful news Do consider continuing to update us! (though that maybe would then be in the blog section).
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  #16  
Old 05-26-2013, 06:32 AM
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Somegeezer Somegeezer is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyPaulie View Post
You are so right. Its just been so stressful because I'm pansexual and whats in a persons pants is the lasT thing I think about or am aware of… so Its easy to fall for anyone on the spectrum. And having to try so hard to only look for a specific type of person that my primary okayed was just SO CONFUSING AND STRESSFUL.
Get yourself a cuppa tea and chill out with some music.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyPaulie View Post
Thank you all so much for your input! This past week has been a huge decision making week for me, and your replies have helped me a great deal! If anyone cares to know what happened, my boyfriend and I are broken up for good. We had a long serious talk about what we wanted now and in the future and resolved that we just don't make sense as a couple.We are just too different. And frankly, his transphobia makes me sick too. On another note C and I have been dating almost five months now. We have become much closer and I feel really great about our blossoming relationship. We seem to be making a good couple because, aside from all the small things we have in common, he is much more open minded and completely Poly like me.

Oh, and that trans woman I mentioned? I asked her out on a date because of my new found freedom and she said "Finally! Of course!" So, wish me luck!
Awesome news, and enjoy your time. Will enjoy coming back and reading any updates you post. ^_^
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  #17  
Old 06-04-2013, 03:03 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl;20458is1
Love is not enough for a realtionship to be HEALTHY. There must be self-respect (you to you) and respect (him to you, you to him).
Yes, I've said this quite often here. Gee, Gala, it seems you've been quoting me more and more lately. Thanks for the acknowledgement.


OP, I applaud you for knowing so clearly what you want and having the presence of mind to recognize when it's time to move on. You seem to have a good sense of self, which is impressive.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 06-04-2013 at 03:07 AM.
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  #18  
Old 06-04-2013, 03:43 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Yes, Nycindie -- we do value some of the same things. Love isn't enough to sustain a relationship. There's got to be substance to it for it to last.

GG
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  #19  
Old 06-04-2013, 06:04 AM
london london is offline
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You can't expect someone mono wired to be happy in a poly situation. The vary majority of the time, it's unhealthy and will fail miserably. Never accept a OPP again. It's controlling and sexist. Agreeing to it makes you equally guilty of sexism.
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