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Old 05-16-2013, 01:05 PM
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Harborman Harborman is offline
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Default New Husband

I have been proposed to by a couple and look forward to joining them soon. I have been crafting a ceremony with vows and symbols. I would be pleased to hear from other families their experiences and ideas for a new husband ceremony.

In ours, so far, he presents her to me and we three pledge love and respect, then he steps back and my union with her is finalized.

Ideas, scripts, and vow language are welcome
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Old 05-17-2013, 05:03 AM
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nancyfore nancyfore is offline
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Writing vows is so hard, it took me forever to write mine. The kids finally started making fun of me and a suggestion to say "hey I showed up didn't I?" was passed around. So unfortunately I can't help with that....

But I will say congrats!!!!!!!! It sounds very romantic...
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Old 05-22-2013, 10:10 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hello Harborman,
Welcome to our forum.

I hope your new husband ceremony goes very well. Check out the links nycindie suggested, and let us know if you have any questions.

Glad you could join us.
Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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Old 05-23-2013, 01:08 PM
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Harborman Harborman is offline
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Thank you for those links. The handfasting one is particularly inspiring. The development of vows is proving to be a valuable part of our journey and helps us vocalize feelings and understandings.
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Old 05-23-2013, 05:54 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Originally Posted by Harborman View Post
Thank you for those links. The handfasting one is particularly inspiring. The development of vows is proving to be a valuable part of our journey and helps us vocalize feelings and understandings.
You're welcome. I just wanted to also say that I was married in a Unitarian Church and the pastor gave us a copy of his standard "script" for a marriage ceremony. I took that and adjusted it to what we wanted, and inserted our vows in there. There were certain things he had to leave in, certain things I wanted, and certain things my husband wanted -- in the end we were all happy. So, maybe you can visit a church and ask for a copy of their ceremony, or do an internet search for a template to use as a jumping off point.

One thing I will share about my wedding, which I think could totally work for a wedding of three people: a wine ceremony.

The wine ceremony
My husband had insisted that we both take a sip of wine out of the same glass at some point. I thought it might be a little hokey, but agreed. I then investigated and saw that lots of couples light a "unity candle" together at the wedding, but I think that is even hokier. I am just not a candle person, but I also thought, "Okay we light this thing, but then someone has to blow it out," and all we have is smoke. How anti-climactic, in my opinion. But I realized that having some sort of ritual that the marrying people do as a symbol of their pledges to each other was very appealing to me, so I was glad my hubs suggested the wine.

Drinking wine together, our first sips as married people, it becomes a part of us, and that was meaningful to me. And then it was a lot of fun to look for a special goblet for that, and I did find a beautiful big one with silver and gold details. It was on a little table we had dressed up with flowers during the ceremony before we did the ritual (we married in a small chapel). We bought sweet red wine for it, so it would be okay sitting at room temperature up to that point. And I found a passage that the pastor read while we did that. So, we included that, and to be honest, that is the moment I recall most vividly (and not just because I was worried about spilling red wine on my ivory dress).

It took place after we exchanged vows and rings, but before we were pronounced married. The moment was beautiful, and I could definitely see that type of ritual shared by three people. I just looked my wedding program on my other computer and found what the pastor read:
The Toast to Life" by Kenneth Patton

The years of your lives are as a cup of wine poured out for you to drink. The grapes, when they are pressed, give forth their good juices for the wine. Under the wine press of time, our lives give forth their labor and honor and love.

This cup contains within it the sweet wine of happiness and hope. This same cup, at times, holds the bitter wine of sorrow and despair.

One who drinks deeply of life invites the full range of experience into his or her being.

This cup is symbolic of the pledges you have made to one another to share together the fullness of life.

As you drink from this cup, you acknowledge that your lives, until this moment separate, have become one vessel into which all your sorrows and joys, all your hopes and fears, will be poured, and from which you will receive mutual sustenance.

Many days you will sit at the same table and eat and drink together.

Drink now, and may the cup of your lives be sweet and full to overflowing.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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Last edited by nycindie; 05-23-2013 at 06:22 PM.
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Old 05-23-2013, 06:10 PM
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RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
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Instead of a unity candle, my niece and her husband each poured a different color sand into a bottle at the same time, so it all co-mingled. Then I, as the officiant, popped the cork in. It was supposed to be a symbol that although they remain themselves, separate people (by using different colors), they were choosing to blend their lives together. It was really moving, and I could see that working for more-than-two also.

- Moonlight, single, leans monogamous, girlfriend since 6/2012
- Punk, married guy, poly, FWB since 9/2011 with an emphasis on the "F"
- No longer lives with ex-boyfriend Fly (1/2006 - 12/2013, my introduction to nonmonogamy, ultimately amicable breakup), and his 11-year-old son Kiddo
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Old 05-23-2013, 09:55 PM
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Harborman Harborman is offline
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I saw the sand ceremony and it would seem to work with with three colors.
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Old 06-13-2013, 04:09 PM
CWC CWC is offline
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Default Commitment Ceremonies/Weddings

Hey all,

I found an old thread on this topic (2010ish), but haven't seen anything more recent.

My husband and I have proposed to our girlfriend of one year. (she said yes! ) We are in the midst of trying to plan a ceremony, but we have nothing. C (husband) wants something more traditional. He thinks it will make it more real for those in attendance. W (fiance) would prefer a getaway on a beach or something. I would prefer something somewhere in the middle.

Questions I have:
1. What kind of readings are recommended? (None of us are religious.)
2. What kinds of vows do you suggest?
3. Does anyone have any unique commitment traditions they would recommend?
4. What about appearance? (I know this one is silly, but what would they three of us wear? Do we have anybody stand with us as a wedding party?)

I'm really just fielding the internet for suggestions, so any help is appreciated!

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Old 06-13-2013, 04:15 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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it's your relationship. do anything you want.
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Old 06-14-2013, 12:43 AM
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CreepingButtercup CreepingButtercup is offline
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Not experienced with poly, weddings, but might this help?

1) What's your budget? The traditional wedding isn't wallet friendly. Figure out what is reasonable to spend first, and then work around that.

2) What parts of a wedding matters most to everyone? Get from everyone a list of must-haves before deciding on style. For instance, someone might want to get their hair done all nice at a salon, which needs to be budgeted and accounted for in the overall tone of the wedding. If no one particularly cares for booze, that could go out the window to make room for more desired things. This might work a long way on compromise.

3) Is confirming that this is a relationship the only reason for a traditional wedding? It might be more beneficial to have the reception be causal and the ceremony be formal to get the best of both worlds(Or the opposite, I suppose). But consider making arrangements for time to change, a place to change, and possible travel between the two areas if there are two areas. Also make sure to know how to tell everyone clearly the plan for such if done.

4) Alternatively, figure out if any traditions come from one of the three sides that people want, or might help reinforce the idea of a stable, long term relationship. Something more personal might work then other traditions, unless you happen to be the sort of household to make new traditions.

5) Fancy up the invitations. If you need to reinforce what is going on, put it smack dab on the piece of paper and the save the date card.

6) Invite people from all three families. If they are confused, at least they can be confused together? Consider giving a reading to all three branches if possible.

7) I'd avoid having anyone stand up with you--People might get a little confused. In particular if you are wearing different styles of dresses to account for taste and different appearances. The exception MIGHT be the flower girl or the ring bearer--Some people (and the kids in question) really enjoy this and it's pretty easy to distinguish from the actual participants.
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advice, commitment ceremony, relationships, traditions, wedding

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