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Old 05-23-2013, 01:01 AM
TheFierceKitty TheFierceKitty is offline
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Default New, in Bangkok

Newcomer, but fascinated and attracted. Live in Bangkok with wife, also interested but inexperienced. Other key words: classical music, chess, good cooking, MENSA, childfree, education, history, cats, nudism. And advice is welcome, esp. about meeting suitable candidates for a more extended relationship, how to broach the subject with possibles (I'm here partly because I think I didn't know how to play my hand with a recent visiting couple we fell in love with), and how to balance the boat with four on board, when two can be so demanding at times!
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Old 05-23-2013, 01:44 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Greetings TheFierceKitty,
Welcome to our forum.

Bringing up poly with someone you're dating can be quite a challenge, but should be done as soon as possible. This visiting couple you fell in love with, do they know you fell in love with them? Are you in a dating situation with them? If not, if it's still a platonic relationship and they don't know of your romantic feelings for them, then you can more easily have a candid talk with them about poly, as they won't feel "pressured to accept it for your sake." Of course, it is up to them to decide if poly is right for them regardless.

How to broach the topic partly depends on whether you're dating the other person. If you are, the topic might start off with, "I should let you know that I'm polyamorous. Is that something you'd be okay with?" Then answer any questions they may have. If things are still platonic, you could start off with something more like, "Have you heard of polyamory? What do you think of it? I've been learning about it lately and think I might be interested."

As for balancing the boat with four onboard, it's generally recommended you keep a group calendar so everyone can see what's on the schedule. It's also important to sit down as a group sometimes and find out how everyone is feeling about how things are going.

If you do more reading on this site, you will find more information. Also you can post your thoughts, questions, and concerns.

Hope you find Polyamory.com a helpful resource (as I have).

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Old 05-23-2013, 01:58 AM
TheFierceKitty TheFierceKitty is offline
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After they had been with us a few days, I raised the subject for future consideration and made our feelings clear. We are all nudists, and there had been a great deal of intimate and humourous interaction. But I think I frightened them off. Perhaps I spoke too soon? I like directness and openness in courtship, but I may be in a small minority.
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Old 05-23-2013, 09:02 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Well, think of it this way. If you wait too long to tell the other person(s), they might feel like you were doing a bait-and-switch or something. I think you did the right thing by telling them early on. It's the honorable thing to do.
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