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Old 05-20-2013, 01:53 PM
Librarian Librarian is offline
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Default Still trying

I know my few posts have all been kinda downers, but my wife and I are still at it. Things continue to break down with the guy she was seeing. He's blown her off a few times, and this last time really hurt her, again. For some reason, she doesn't want to be the one to call it quits with him, and personally, I don't think he's going to do it either. Regardless, they're working it out.

For the most part, I've been good with the whole thing. I feel I made it over a pretty major hump. I had some minor setbacks with my anxiety, but nothing detrimental.

Depending on how things go with her guy, we're thinking about trying again and going with a different approach. I've been of the mind that if we seek out a couple, things might be a little easier. Particularly, with the communication and openness piece.

She's still a little uncomfortable with the idea of me being with someone else, and I'm fine with that. Frankly, I'm unsure about the idea myself. I would be ok with her meeting a very open, honest and comfortable guy, but I also wonder if I shouldn't be trying my hand at this as well, or at least keep my options open. That's of course a subject open to more conversation between her and I though.

If we do decide to look for a couple, what is a good way of going about it? We looked at polyamorydate.com, but they want quite a bit of money, and the reviews seem iffy. We're really not looking to jump in the sack right away, but genuinely develop some deeper friendships with possible benefits.
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Old 05-20-2013, 02:05 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Librarian View Post
I know my few posts have all been kinda downers, but my wife and I are still at it. Things continue to break down with the guy she was seeing. He's blown her off a few times, and this last time really hurt her, again. For some reason, she doesn't want to be the one to call it quits with him, and personally, I don't think he's going to do it either. Regardless, they're working it out.
That doesn't sound so good. We stress good communication skills with one's primary a lot here, but you also need it with your new partners, of course!

Quote:
I've been of the mind that if we seek out a couple, things might be a little easier. Particularly, with the communication and openness piece.
Why do you think that? It just gets more complicated. Then your wife will have 3 people to negotiate with, and you will too, so will both members of the other couple, plus the 2 primary couples will have to deal. Then, what if your wife has chemistry with one or the other of the couple, or both, but you like one, but not the other? Or the same for the other 2...

Going out and looking for another couple is at least as difficult as unicorn hunting (looking for a single bi female to "share.")

Quote:
She's still a little uncomfortable with the idea of me being with someone else, and I'm fine with that. Frankly, I'm unsure about the idea myself. I would be ok with her meeting a very open, honest and comfortable guy, but I also wonder if I shouldn't be trying my hand at this as well, or at least keep my options open. That's of course a subject open to more conversation between her and I though.
There is certainly no rush, if you're not that interested in a new partner. It won't make things any easier to both be getting to know someone new, both in NRE simultaneously, right off the bat.

Quote:
If we do decide to look for a couple, what is a good way of going about it? We looked at polyamorydate.com, but they want quite a bit of money, and the reviews seem iffy. We're really not looking to jump in the sack right away, but genuinely develop some deeper friendships with possible benefits.
OK Cupid's dating site is the best bet for online dating... But again, couple hunting is really difficult. It's best to date one on one, and sometimes, things can develop with the partner of your partner... but don't be focused on that. Forcing a relationship configuration is not respectful.
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Old 05-23-2013, 06:28 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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polymatchmaker.com is free, but your success will depend on where you are located, just as it does at okcupid. But there are decent forums at PMM, too.
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