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  #21  
Old 05-22-2013, 07:37 PM
HimAndHerInBP HimAndHerInBP is offline
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If there were forums for "regular" relationships, you'd find exactly the same thing. When things are going great, people seldom will start asking questions. Or speak about it for fear of bragging. Think about it. Relationships, as a whole, just do not work more often than not. But that doesn't mean they can't work. Each one is it's own thing so, as with everything, be open and honest. Best of luck!
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  #22  
Old 05-23-2013, 12:44 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is online now
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married 14 years, on and off (happily) with boyfriend for 20 years.
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  #23  
Old 05-23-2013, 01:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Oh gosh, hope she's ok!

Its an incredible comfort to me to imagine, if something bad ever happened to me, waking up to see multiple partners waiting to see me. I know its a weird thought, but it makes me feel very loved and secure.
Yes, thank you for asking. Decompressing and clipping nerves for occipital neuralgia to hopefully alleviate the constant migraine she's been having. The three of us are recovering at a hotel before heading home tomorrow.

As for me, I travel a lot for my job and it's a source of comfort for me knowing he is there for her when I am away. Like the warriors described in Sex at Dawn.
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  #24  
Old 05-23-2013, 04:05 AM
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UtahPolyCouple UtahPolyCouple is offline
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We have been married for 22 years, and polymers for 2. We each are in V relationships. We are also looking for a third to join us in a triad. We have had our ups and downs, but who hasn't. All in all polyamory has been a wonderful new part of our harmony.
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  #25  
Old 05-23-2013, 04:50 AM
northhome northhome is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LadySFI View Post
I just need to know that this is working for some people and that overall they are truly happy with their lifestyle choice.
We've been actively poly for 10 years, and our triad is in its 4th year and working fine. Of course there are people on this forum that will tell you that some particular configurations will not, or should not work.

Our experience (and that of many of our friends) is that poly is a viable lifestyle choice. It does take a certain degree of maturity and skill though.

I'd agree with the previous posters however that if one has a tendency to drama that poly might not be a wise choice if one is looking to maintain long-term relationships.
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  #26  
Old 05-23-2013, 05:19 AM
sparklepop sparklepop is offline
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Hi

My answer will really reiterate the general consensus - I do believe that poly can work. I do believe that it is hard work. And I do believe that there has to be a genuine, honest part of you that believes in it to make it work.

I have been in my poly relationship for just over two years. Most of our arguments are related to poly. In the early days, they were jealousy arguments. Then, they became expectation arguments. These days, when we argue, it tends to be because we are miscommunicating. For me at least, it has evolved and improved over time.

I have had many moments where I have questioned whether poly is 'right' for me. The thought of monogamy petrifies me these days. I just can't trust that relationship model.

Have you thought about the reason you want to be poly? I haven't read your background posts yet, so I don't know the details of your situation.

When things get rough for me, I remind myself of my core values:

1. I don't believe in ownership of a partner
2. I enjoy my own personal freedom
3. I don't trust that monogamy works - I would rather deal with the pain of poly than the pain of being cheated on
4. I want to grow. Poly helps me take insecurities and face them, grow and become stronger.
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  #27  
Old 05-23-2013, 05:44 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
We've been actively poly for 10 years, and our triad is in its 4th year and working fine. Of course there are people on this forum that will tell you that some particular configurations will not, or should not work.
Oh please. That is false. Don't start that. You're talking about unicorn hunting. Nobody ever says triads won't or shouldn't work. People say unicorn hunting is unrealistic. Those are not the same thing. Don't go around saying shit that isn't true, please. Do your homework, then come back and have a discussion that makes sense.

That is all.

Last edited by BoringGuy; 05-23-2013 at 05:47 AM.
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  #28  
Old 05-23-2013, 07:25 PM
northhome northhome is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
Nobody ever says triads won't or shouldn't work.
Before you start making snarky remarks - do your homework. I quote from Natja:

"why triads rarely work and why lots of experienced Poly's think they are a bad, bad idea in general."

I was simply stating a fact: some people on this board have a negative perception of certain poly configurations. I'm sorry that bothers you
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Last edited by nycindie; 05-23-2013 at 07:39 PM. Reason: link corrected
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  #29  
Old 05-23-2013, 07:59 PM
LadySFI LadySFI is offline
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Thanks for all the wonderful advice and thoughts. I am currently in a triad that happened without me realizing. I thought it was going to be a FWB situation while my husband and I are so far away from each other. However, my new bf and I are making each other very happy and find ourselves almost always together. The SO is happy that I am happy, and happy playing with him too! They get along so well. If they didn't, I couldn't continue with this. I am also helping the SO look for a girlfriend himself. I have someone here, he should be able to have someone there that he can share fun times with too.

I have just found that they both compliment me in completely different ways. I don't know if the bf is mono at heart or not. It is a conversation I am going to have with him next week on the way home from our trip to visit the hubby this weekend. I'm not 100% where this is going yet, but so far we have all been open and honest. To be fair, I am not sure if the bf is being honest with himself about his feelings for me. Apparently everyone we have been around (even those we are not out to) ask me what the deal is with him or say "careful, that friend of yours is really falling for you".

Honestly, I am not yet sure where this is going, I am just enjoying the ride. Even if he doesn't work out, this situation has made me realize that I have been poly almost as long as I remember. This one is just different as there is sex involved. I had a best friend for 7 years that everyone called my "second husband". It was never intimate (other than the occasional punch in the arm) but I loved him more than anything. Before that, there were others. In a way, it was never just me with my SO. I have never believed that monogamy is natural and I never believed that one person can be anothers everything.

I just want both of my boys to be happy, whatever that takes. I am secure in my relationship with my SO and want him to have all the same privileges and happiness I do.

I hope we are off to the right start.
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Courage isn't the absence of fear, but the judgement that something else is more important than fear. -Ambrose Redmoon
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  #30  
Old 05-23-2013, 08:45 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by northhome View Post
Before you start making snarky remarks - do your homework. I quote from Natja:

"why triads rarely work and why lots of experienced Poly's think they are a bad, bad idea in general."

I was simply stating a fact: some people on this board have a negative perception of certain poly configurations. I'm sorry that bothers you
Don't say you're sorry. That's not necessary.

Also she says they RARELY work, not that they "won't" work, "shouldn't" work, "never" work, etc. Is this your best example, because if so, it's a pretty shitty one, seeing as how it doesn't say what you claim it does. Did you really just quote that and say it says something it doesn't say?

So big deal. You are one of the triads that "rarely" works. Good for you.

Please try to make sense, that's all i'm asking. Is that asking too much?
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