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  #1  
Old 05-19-2013, 08:57 PM
skook613 skook613 is offline
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Default Newbie in Ottawa

Very new to this and now trying to find my way. Mid-50s, separated for 2 years after almost 30 year marriage. Finally something makes sense to me. I've struggled with the nature of relationships, fidelity etc for decades - trying to find a way to be 'proper' within myself while appearing 'proper' to everyone else. After a lot of thought, soul searching, research, etc I believe that I have always been intrinsically poly, but had no way to contextualize that orientation.
I understand that there are many variations within the community and find that refreshing.

I hope to learn, experience and develop, and hope the community (both local/live and this forum) can help me in my evolution. It feels right for me, though I can imagine innumerable issues to be dealt with.

Thanks in advance for any and all advice and support.
S
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  #2  
Old 05-20-2013, 09:23 PM
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LadyC LadyC is offline
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Hi

Thank you for putting into words exactly what I have been struggling to communicate. You hit the hammer right on the head for me!

"I've struggled with the nature of relationships, fidelity etc for [a decade] - trying to find a way to be 'proper' within myself while appearing 'proper' to everyone else. After a lot of thought, soul searching, research, etc I believe that I have always been intrinsically poly, but had no way to contextualize that orientation.
I understand that there are many variations within the community and find that refreshing."

Nice to meet you ^_^

C.
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  #3  
Old 05-20-2013, 10:19 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Welcome to forum.

I hope that you find it useful. There is plenty of advice weaved all throughout the forum, and the people here are pretty helpful and cool. Being poly is an interesting journey, and no two people do it the same. It is all about finding a way that works for you. You will discover that in due time.

In the mean, have a look around the forum, ask questions, or just read and learn. You can learn something new every day.

Welcome to the second half of your life and kudos on your new journey.
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  #4  
Old 05-22-2013, 11:54 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is online now
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Hi skook613,
Welcome to our forum.

Sounds like you have come a long ways to get to where you are today. I'm glad you could join us, hope we can be of help with any questions or concerns you might have.

Polyamory is quite an involved topic, and there's a lot to learn. You might find our Golden Nuggets board to be helpful; it covers a lot of the basics. Have a look around! Glad to have you aboard.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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  #5  
Old 05-23-2013, 01:43 AM
skook613 skook613 is offline
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Default Thanks for the support

Now the difficult part starts.
How do I find real, local, poly women ? (I'm strictly hetero)
I don't have a clue, and Ottawa doesn't seem to have a very active community.
The dilema with having recognized my orientation is that now it would be irresponsible to date under any other relationship model.
I don't suppose there is a 'secret handshake'? lol wink.
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  #6  
Old 05-23-2013, 01:51 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is online now
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Just some thoughts:

Quote:
"As for where to meet poly people, if by some chance you are interested in anything alternative like Renaissance fairs, goth culture, sci-fi conventions, indie music, bdsm, or any small fringe group, you will be more likely to meet people who have at least heard of poly and are accepting of it."
-- SpaceHippieGeek, http://polyamoryonline.org/smf/index...57394#msg57394
Even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.

A few dating websites that might be helpful:

http://www.pof.com/
http://www.okcupid.com/
http://www.polymatchmaker.com/

They are pretty poly-friendly, especially OKCupid and (obviously) PolyMatchMaker.

If you're already dating someone and they don't know you're poly, it's best to let them know as soon as possible, even though it's not an easy conversation to have and it does come with the risk of rejection. It's just better for the other person to know, so they can make their own decision.

Hope that helps.
Regards,
Kevin T.
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  #7  
Old 05-23-2013, 02:10 AM
skook613 skook613 is offline
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Default thanks again

I'm on pof, but it's not clear what to put in the profiles.
To me poly (as opposed to 'screwing around' ) is about relationships, yet the relationship people don't seem open.

I think I'll try the other sites.

and yes. communicating this reality is critical.
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