My Adventures in polyamory
This whole adventure started when a good friend of mine introduced my boyfriend and I to Polyamory: Married and Dating. I had never head the term before and wanted to watch it out of curiosity. As we watched more episodes it led us to research it a bit more online and in turn we started to make connections between the stuff we were reading and our pasts.
I realized I have always been a serial monogamist, jumping from one relationship to another just to see if the grass was actually greener. I hated losing the connections but I was always under the assumption that I had to choose.
We both had deep emotional feelings towards people in our past even thought we were completely in love and devoted to each other. We were always able to discuss this openly and honestly with each other without feeling like it was threatening to our relationship.
It just all made sense to us.
After much research and many discussions we came up with an agreement that we thought would work well for us. That agreement has grown and evolved so much over the short time that we have been exploring non-monogamy.
A bit about our adventures:
When we first opened ourselves up to this I only had one thing in mind. I really wanted a woman in my life. I have always been, as long as I can remember, attracted to women and considered myself bisexual. It had been so long since I was able to have that kind of relationship with a women that that was what I wanted to focus on but as well all know life doesn't always go according to plan.
My boyfriend, who I will call Phoenix, ended up finding a girl, let's call her Kitten, who was a long time friend of his to join us in the bedroom and that was an amazing experience but it never really went anywhere other than that.
After that everything died down as we anticipated the birth of our first child together, his second and my third.
Eventually we got back in the swing of looking to expand our relationship.
My first official outside lover was Z, he was the one that introduced us. We had been online friends for a while after meeting through gaming. We got closer and eventually developed a love for each other. It may be long distance but to me that means nothing.
I started talking to a girl (M) on OkCupid and thought we hit it off well. We met up on a whim and I had a really nice time. I found out that she lived a bit out of time and not having a vehicle I convinced myself it wasn't going to work because I couldn't ask her to always make the trip to come see me. She is very hard to resist though. I would find us constantly being flirty with each other and she would say things and do things, like bringing me home a souvenir from her trip even though we only met a couple weeks prior, that would make me feel incredible. We've been getting closer since we started talking and find myself more and more attracted to her every day.
In the midst of me trying to convince myself it wasn't going to work with M, Phoenix had started talking to and hanging out with a girl (S) who actually took and interest in him. They got to know each other and developed a relationship. This was the first time I ever really had to deal with feelings of jealousy. It was really hard for me the first time that they were intimate but he held me and reassured me that he was still here and it made him realize just how much he still wanted me.
We ended up all taking the kids to the park one day which is where I was introduced to her husband, G. Him and I started talking and hanging out as well and from my perspective started to form a casual relationship, something I am not used to so it has been an adjustment.
About a week ago S & G decided they needed to take sometime to reconnect with each other so we had to put things on hold with them. I don't know where things will be when they decide they are ready again but of course my mind is in worst case scenario mode. It has been very hard on me especially since I never really knew where I stood with G.
I have been lucky to have some things to take my mind off of that whole situation. Phoenix and Z have been amazing in talking about things with me and keeping me in a positive space, Kitten sent me a lovely text about the night she spent with us that made me feel really good and a few days ago M knew I was feeling pretty down about everything so invited me out to dinner and it instantly lifted my mood. I had been wanting to see her and connect with her and I was extremely happy to have had that opportunity.
That is my story so far. I am so excited to be on this journey of self discovery. I really can't wait to see where it takes me.