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  #21  
Old 05-22-2013, 05:22 PM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
The treatment we all want is recognition that we are individuals, each with our own opinions and feelings and for these opinions and feelings to be afforded respect and consideration.
The humanists get a lot of things right, this would seem to be one of them. I can see that too strict an interpretation of the 'golden rule' could lead to some pretty silly outcomes. Since pretty much everyone has difference of opinion about the details of life, focusing on those doesn't get us very far. Instead, focus on the general principles which most people *do* prefer and leave the finer details for "getting to know you" as GG put it.

"tolerance, consideration and compassion" - from the same site

I doubt very many people want to be treated in contrast to these principles. Should you encounter someone that does, just consider them a one-off and don't think on it further.
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  #22  
Old 05-22-2013, 06:04 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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"treat others the way you want to be treated" does NOT mean, "i'll make your coffee the way i like it because i'm assuming everyone likes their coffee the same way".

It means "i like my coffee a certain way, and we should all make each other's coffee however the other person likes it"

Eh, meh. That analogy doesn't flow smoothly. I guess what i'm trying to say is that this "platinum rule" is rather unneccessary, unless you're taking the "golden rule" way too literally. To be frank, i've never heard of it being taken to such an extreme level as meaning "treating others the way i want to be treated means feeding them foods they don't like just because i like those foods" until this thread right here. That's just warped. It never occurred to me to do it that way before. Sounds like a good topic for a college term paper in Philosophy 101 though.
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  #23  
Old 05-22-2013, 06:32 PM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
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It doesn't mean:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boring Guy
"i'll make your coffee the way i like it because i'm assuming everyone likes their coffee the same way"
It means being honest with yourself and others about knowing better than to serve a cup of coffee the way you know a person doesn't like it, or even worse intentionally serve them a bad cup of coffee (from their perspective) yet pretend you are doing them a favor.

It may be funny as a joke, but when the person the joke is played on isn't aware of what is happening it isn't funny.

Like many things in life, the line that separates right from wrong behavior is honesty. Polyamory without honesty is cheating. Honesty, full disclosure and explicitly stating that a behavior or action is desired are what makes the difference between two identical situations happening, yet one scenario is right and the other is wrong.

Dishonesty is a factor that can make any political view point wrong, while honesty can make it right. If a politician backs up outright false claims with bogus research (like stating that soot from coal burning power plants is more toxic to the planet of the life it harbors then say, nuclear waste) that type of behavior is wrong. It doesn't matter if the assertion is to D.O.E. politics or just a step in a non-political, philosophical mind fuck in order to manipulate others perspective, dishonesty can make almost any right action, wrong. Honesty can make many actions taken that could be wrong, right because of the elements that honesty brings to the table.
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  #24  
Old 05-22-2013, 07:02 PM
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Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
"treat others the way you want to be treated" does NOT mean, "i'll make your coffee the way i like it because i'm assuming everyone likes their coffee the same way".

It means "i like my coffee a certain way, and we should all make each other's coffee however the other person likes it"
Right. And now I want coffee...

I can see the confusion, though, in practice... at least in my relationship.

There are certain things in our relationship that I tend to take issue with, while my metamour does not. If I am bothered by something, even if she's not bothered by it, I will not do it to her (unless, for some reason she asks, which hasn't happened).

I'm sure some would consider this the "golden rule", but it's not - I'm not really doing her a favor, but I'm doing it for my own peace of mind. If I'm uncomfortable being treated in a certain way, then it tends to be that I'm uncomfortable treating someone in the same way.

This involves some degree of respect for the other person - you don't want to treat them in a way that you feel is disrespectful, but it doesn't quite feel like the full intent of the Golden Rule... is there an Aluminum Rule?

Many people don't go that extra step to figure out what it is that the other person wants, and only go so far as to act in a manner that they find respectful. Hence, the Golden Rule not looking the same to everyone.
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  #25  
Old 05-22-2013, 07:31 PM
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This thread has officially devolved into a comedy routine.
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  #26  
Old 05-22-2013, 07:42 PM
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This thread has officially devolved into a comedy routine.
Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...
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  #27  
Old 05-22-2013, 08:21 PM
Ssandra Ssandra is offline
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Right. And now I want coffee...

I can see the confusion, though, in practice... at least in my relationship.

There are certain things in our relationship that I tend to take issue with, while my metamour does not. If I am bothered by something, even if she's not bothered by it, I will not do it to her (unless, for some reason she asks, which hasn't happened).

But this seems counter productive for a healthy relationship, at least to me.

For example: I prefer complete openness and knowing all the details, including sexual ones, about my husbands relationships.

He prefers to not know anything or as little as possible and only in so far as it matters to the relationship he and I have.

According to your golden rule, I would tell him every single detail about my relationships, and he would tell me absolutely nothing about his relationships.

Which would lead to 2 very frustrated and unhappy people, who neither are getting what they want, yet still treating the other person as they prefer to be treated.

In this particular case I think it is better reach for a compromise. He tell me as much as he is comfortable sharing and I deal with not knowing every single detail.

And if I ever have another relationship, I'll share with him in big lines what is going on but keep the details to myself (or post them here on the forum ).

That way we each treat each other how the OTHER wants to be treated (the platinum rule mentioned before), instead of how WE want to be treated (the golden rule).
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  #28  
Old 05-22-2013, 08:34 PM
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Ah... This is where my attempt to be brief led me to be vague instead. No, I see your point, and I know that's not a good example. The CONVERSE of that is actually my example.

I don't want to know the inner-goings-on of my partner's and metamour's relationship - not in incredible detail, anyway. I feel such things should remain within a relationship. As a result, I would have a hard time offering up such information, even if my metamour wanted it. (Arguments of privacy, etc. are also a factor here, but it's hard to find an example that doesn't have other factors tied into it)

This does, however, illustrate my point - my example could be interpreted as "I shall treat others the way I want to be treated" and it could look like a good, considerate thing. Your example illustrates that it isn't necessarily a good thing, and that what can be considered a "golden rule" in some cases may drive the other person bonkers.

Clear as mud?
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  #29  
Old 05-22-2013, 08:39 PM
Ssandra Ssandra is offline
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Originally Posted by YouAreHere View Post
Ah... This is where my attempt to be brief led me to be vague instead. No, I see your point, and I know that's not a good example. The CONVERSE of that is actually my example.

I don't want to know the inner-goings-on of my partner's and metamour's relationship - not in incredible detail, anyway. I feel such things should remain within a relationship. As a result, I would have a hard time offering up such information, even if my metamour wanted it. (Arguments of privacy, etc. are also a factor here, but it's hard to find an example that doesn't have other factors tied into it)

This does, however, illustrate my point - my example could be interpreted as "I shall treat others the way I want to be treated" and it could look like a good, considerate thing. Your example illustrates that it isn't necessarily a good thing, and that what can be considered a "golden rule" in some cases may drive the other person bonkers.

Clear as mud?


I think that a good "rule" is "treat others as they want to be treated, in so far as you (and the other people involved) feel comfortable doing so".

And sometimes that means a compromise in which all parties need to step outside of their comfort zone a bit. And nothing wrong with that. Stepping outside of your comfort zone is what makes us grow as human beings
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  #30  
Old 05-22-2013, 09:01 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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. . . I prefer complete openness and knowing all the details, including sexual ones, about my husbands relationships.

He prefers to not know anything or as little as possible and only in so far as it matters to the relationship he and I have.

According to your golden rule, I would tell him every single detail about my relationships, and he would tell me absolutely nothing about his relationships.

Which would lead to 2 very frustrated and unhappy people, who neither are getting what they want, yet still treating the other person as they prefer to be treated.

In this particular case I think it is better reach for a compromise. He tell me as much as he is comfortable sharing and I deal with not knowing every single detail.

And if I ever have another relationship, I'll share with him in big lines what is going on but keep the details to myself (or post them here on the forum ).

That way we each treat each other how the OTHER wants to be treated (the platinum rule mentioned before), instead of how WE want to be treated (the golden rule).
What you are talking about is the Golden Rule -- treating people like we want to be treated means treating them with respect for their individual needs, not giving them what we want. That's ridiculous. Gah, come on! The Golden Rule is about empathy and reciprocity, and recognizing others as individuals. It is about people treating others in a manner in which they themselves would like to be treated. Not treating them like clones of themselves. If you want kindness and consideration shown you, then treat others kindly and with consideration. Duh. (Not "Duh" to you, but "Duh" in general)

It amazes me that people take the Golden Rule so literally that a silly Platinum Rule was made-up for them just because they clearly have no clue what the Golden Rule truly is. In the Bible, it comes from the verse that says "Love your neighbor as yourself," which is NOT the same as "Give thy neighbor what you want for yourself" or "Make thy neighbor coffee the way you drink your coffee." Egad.
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Last edited by nycindie; 05-22-2013 at 09:50 PM.
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