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  #11  
Old 05-20-2013, 12:39 AM
Ssandra Ssandra is offline
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
I am glad you're planning to breastfeed. Besides having nursed my 3, I am also a long time lactation specialist for an international breastfeeding support group.

Just a note about that 4-8pm period-- in the normal course of the day, you have more milk, but it's more watery, in the early part of the day. In the evening, around 4-8, 5-10, something like that, most newborns want to nurse more, sometimes almost continuously, because the mother's milk is of less quantity, but higher in fat and calories. So, it's more like cream, and actually is drawn out of the breasts more slowly. Give yourself a good six weeks, to allow the baby to meet her nutritional needs this way, especially as she's learning to nurse and growing so fast.

It's recommended you get chores done and dinner cooked before the "witching hour" when you can depend on her being fussy and hungry.

After 4-6 weeks you can start trying her on bottles of your pumped milk, if you find that convenient. Earlier than that, you run the risk of nipple confusion.

http://www.llli.org/nb/nbearlyweeks.html
I'm learning new things each day...

I a, planning to take a breastfeeding course next month, so it would have probably come up then as well, but it is good to know.

The reason I also want to pump is to be able to go out at times to the movies and leave the baby with my mother in law, or if I get ill and need medication, that there still will be breast milk for my baby. But the main reason is that I think that feeding your child is a very basic and primitive way of bonding with the baby, and I don't want to exclude my husband from that any more then is biologically necessary.
We have several friends who's marriages have gone down the drain after having a baby, mainly because the wife just becomes a mom, and is no longer a partner, and don't allow the husband to be a dad... I want to do everything possible to avoid that from happening!

Anyway, thanks for the info! I'm guessing that even if I still have to breastfeed, I can rest a bit more if he takes care of the changing and burping and stuff, and I can just go back to sleep.

We'll see how things work out...
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  #12  
Old 05-20-2013, 12:45 AM
Ssandra Ssandra is offline
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Today I had a great day.

I didn't do much, I watched tv and played online a bit in the morning and easily afternoon, and went for a walk and then shopping in the afternoon.

It is kinda sad how much buying things cheers me up!

Anyway, it is good to have good days. And tonight he will be home early, at least before 1am, so I'll have a good nights sleep.

I had a bit of a difficult morning since he slept with her last night and I didn't sleep well at all. But after taking another mind morning nap, I felt a lot better already. It is crazy how much sleep and feeling rested influences my hormonal moods...
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  #13  
Old 05-20-2013, 12:54 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Did I mention already that I'm sometimes a bit of a control freak?
REALLY? no way! Who'd have GUESSED? Good thing you pointed that out. Now we can digest our food...
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  #14  
Old 05-20-2013, 01:31 AM
Ssandra Ssandra is offline
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REALLY? no way! Who'd have GUESSED? Good thing you pointed that out. Now we can digest our food...

He, at least I'm aware of it, and I can work on being more in control of my need to be in control....
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  #15  
Old 05-22-2013, 02:51 AM
Ssandra Ssandra is offline
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Well... Life sucks then you die.

Posting here (even though some probably consider me very neurotic and obsessive) has helped so much.

I just got news from the doctor that 1. I am at risk for GD (gestational diabetes) and 2. I should still refrain from having sex with my husband for a while more.

The first one sucks, but we will only know for sure with a second test. And even if that is the case, usually it can be controlled with diet.

The second one is really annoying.

Before my husband had his girlfriend, we had a very different libido. Although mine has gone down with pregnancy (from preferably every day, to several times a week), due to complications we haven't been together much. I think during the entire pregnancy we've had sex maybe 5 or 6 times (due to morning sickness, placenta previa, infections, contractions, etc).

And now he has this NRE going on, has sex multiple times whenever he can with his girlfriend, and I cannot even enjoy the "left overs". I don't mean left overs in a bad way, but this new sexual energy has carried over to him at home as well, and now I cannot even enjoy it.

This sucks big time.

I think it is healthy how he feels now, and I love seeing him being more sexual, but at the same time there is a tiny selfish part of me that wishes for him to go back to his usual state of not caring about sex. It would make it easier for me.


This entire situation is just badly timed. One year earlier, one year later and everything would be so much easier!

On a positive note though, she is coming to the first aid for babies course! I like that because it means that she plans to stay involved in his life (which will obviously include his daughter) and because it is a chance to all be together in a neutral environment and have things be more and more normal.

He is taking her on a short holiday (4 days, 3 nights) in 2 weeks, which I'm happy about. The plan was first for them to go later, but I don't feel comfortable with having him be so far away, so close to my due date.

After their holiday, he will spend less and less nights away the closer that we are to my due date. I feel bad for her, but luckily she understands that that is the way it is.

We talked today about how much and in which way does he want her to be involved in his life. She is involving him in her life, introducing him to her friends, some family, etc, but for now she is not really involved in his life. He doesn't know yet, nor does he know how much she wants to be involved in his life. It will be difficult, because all his friends know me as his wife so having "the talk" with them might not go over well, especially not with the wifes of his friends... but we will see. It is up to them, I'll be here if anyone needs confirmation that I'm ok with it.

I will invite her to my baby shower that will be with just friends (my husband will not be there), and I think, unless she has other plans) that she will be there. The good thing about that is that some of her friends, who I know as well, will be invited as well and can see first hand that I am still friends with her, and that things are ok.


I'm rambling... I know. Thanks for those that read this. Getting it out of my mind helps enormously.
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  #16  
Old 05-22-2013, 01:50 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is online now
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FTR, I don't read you as a control freak or obsessive at all. And you're allowed to ramble here, on your own damn blog! BoringGuy can be annoying sometimes, but he means well.

I had to go back and reread to remember how long your h and the gf have been a thing. Just a few weeks? But friends for 3 years.

Many of us poly people can't wrap our minds around sex with no feelings allowed, that swinger mentality. For me, the more feelings there are, the better the sex is. Sex with strangers, and keeping them at arm's length or dumping them outright when you start to become "too" fond, seems so anti-intuitive.

Anyway! That is in your husband's past now. Now for the first time, he's having sex with someone he cares deeply about (besides you) and he's head over heels in NRE, yet you're on bedrest and must have been having pre term labor, to not be allowed to have sex yourself?

That sucks. You're getting a taste early of how parenting is when you're sleep deprived and touched out by baby's needs and sex is the last thing on your mind. Sleep and a decent meal, even a drink of water or 2 minutes alone on the toilet came before sex in my world when I had 3 kids in 5 years!

But your h now has this new gf and he's having all this FUN while you're in bed alone! Yuck! No wonder you want him and gf to come hang out! You must be lonely!
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

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  #17  
Old 05-22-2013, 03:24 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Oops, i didn't realize this was a blog. I apologize. Please excuse me. I think i had it confused with one of your other threads.

Thank you mags for pointing that out.
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  #18  
Old 05-22-2013, 04:58 PM
Ssandra Ssandra is offline
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Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
Oops, i didn't realize this was a blog. I apologize. Please excuse me. I think i had it confused with one of your other threads.

Thank you mags for pointing that out.
Please, don't be sorry.

I do think it helped (among other things) to snap me out of my "oh, poor me" mode that I was in. I feel stronger, more capable and more normal again, so that is a good thing.
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  #19  
Old 05-22-2013, 05:27 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Originally Posted by Ssandra View Post
Please, don't be sorry.

I do think it helped (among other things) to snap me out of my "oh, poor me" mode that I was in. I feel stronger, more capable and more normal again, so that is a good thing.


I appreciate that, but it doesn't excuse my breach of the "blog etiquette". I have this problem occasionally because i surf the forum with the "New Posts" button, and when it's on the ipod, i don't see the stuff way to the right (maybe i just block it out because i am in the People's Republik of Massachusetts) where it tells you the subforum. "poly and pregnant" sounded like the title of a discussion thread, and ordinarily i'm not that interested in a thread like that but i checked it because i was reading your other threads.

That said, i was only echoing the part where you the OP called yourself a control freak. It does seem that way sometimes the wording you use, but clearly if you were a control freak after all you probably would get pissed off if someone called you that.
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  #20  
Old 05-22-2013, 06:05 PM
Ssandra Ssandra is offline
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
FTR, I don't read you as a control freak or obsessive at all. And you're allowed to ramble here, on your own damn blog! BoringGuy can be annoying sometimes, but he means well.

I had to go back and reread to remember how long your h and the gf have been a thing. Just a few weeks? But friends for 3 years.

Many of us poly people can't wrap our minds around sex with no feelings allowed, that swinger mentality. For me, the more feelings there are, the better the sex is. Sex with strangers, and keeping them at arm's length or dumping them outright when you start to become "too" fond, seems so anti-intuitive.
Yes. I think that is another one of the reasons why I haven't been taking "advantage" of having sex with other people in the last few years. I want to have that connection where I am at least infatuated with someone. That infatuation can last only one night, or longer, but it has to be there for me to be turned on by someone.
Quote:
Anyway! That is in your husband's past now. Now for the first time, he's having sex with someone he cares deeply about (besides you) and he's head over heels in NRE, yet you're on bedrest and must have been having pre term labor, to not be allowed to have sex yourself?
Thankfully, I'm not on bedrest anymore. I have to take it easy, and I cannot do too much, but I can go out again, and do things. Which helps A LOT! Keeping busy myself seems to be the secret...

Quote:
That sucks. You're getting a taste early of how parenting is when you're sleep deprived and touched out by baby's needs and sex is the last thing on your mind. Sleep and a decent meal, even a drink of water or 2 minutes alone on the toilet came before sex in my world when I had 3 kids in 5 years!
I'm actually looking forward right now to feeling like that because when I feel like that at least I don't have my own physical needs to battle with, in addition to the mental and emotional needs of wanting to be close in that way.

Quote:
But your h now has this new gf and he's having all this FUN while you're in bed alone! Yuck! No wonder you want him and gf to come hang out! You must be lonely!
I'm doing ok. I make sure that I have something to do each day, some sort of social thing, which helps a lot.
I'm pretty introvert, so in general I enjoy being home alone, just doing whatever it is that I want to be doing.
And he works from home a lot, so although that is not nearly the same as really being together, it does help to be a little bit together.
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