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  #11  
Old 05-22-2013, 03:04 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is online now
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To me that sounds like a very unsatisfactory marriage, working opposite shifts and soon living hundreds of miles apart. How does he plan to meet his own sexual and companionship needs when you 2 are apart? Does he really plan to just be celibate? Only getting sex with you every 2 to 4 weeks after a strong history of cheating??

I am something of a hippie. I could never be in the military or partner with a soldier. His hypocrisy is kind of mind boggling...

Actually I read the modern poly movement started in WWII by a bunch of soldiers in high risk jobs who asked their buddies to watch after their wives if something happened, and they started relationships all amongst a group as a support system and backup plan. You could google that. I read about it in the book Sex at Dawn (another good book about open relationships...)
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me: Mags, 59, loving and living with
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I am also casually dating presently, and miss pixi is open to dating as well
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  #12  
Old 05-22-2013, 03:11 PM
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BTW, "getting the green light to cheat" is kind of a self denying statement. If you're telling him you potentially want another relationship, it's not cheating!

If you "trust each other implicitly" how can he accuse you of wanting to sleep around, when he cheated on you for years? Grow up, dude!! God.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw

me: Mags, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, 37
I am also casually dating presently, and miss pixi is open to dating as well
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  #13  
Old 05-22-2013, 10:54 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rynn View Post
Thank you all for the time you took to give me advice on my situation. So far, 6 months later, nothing has changed. I still feel the same way but my husband doesn't want to talk about it anymore. I guess this is just too far outside his comfort zone and I'm unsure of where to go from here.
He sounds like he was never open to the idea of polyamory and now refuses to even have a conversation about it... he's made his stance pretty clear... "No"

While it is possible for someone to radically change their worldview it is also likely that they won't. So it comes down to you making a decision about what kind of life you want.

Options:
1. Stay monogamous for an indeterminable period of time in the off chance that he decides to change his worldview
2. State (not ask) that you are polyamorous and that you will now live your life according to X, Y, Z principles.

I don't see what other options you have in front of you.
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Last edited by Marcus; 05-22-2013 at 11:00 PM.
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  #14  
Old 10-26-2014, 11:23 PM
Rynn Rynn is offline
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Hello all, sorry to revive an old thread but I thought I would update those who were so kind as to offer me advice. My last post in this thread was in the May. By August 2013 there has still been no change at all but I did find out that he had started an affair. So I packed my things and moved back to the UK with my daughter.

I've been single 14 months now and dated here and there but nothing has ever come of it. My ex-husband is still with the woman he had an affair with. In an ideal world I would find someone who is poly like myself but I live in rural scotland so the chances are very slim indeed. Still, I am happier.
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  #15  
Old 10-27-2014, 12:46 AM
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Thanks for your update Rynn, sorry to hear that you and your ex-husband had to break up.

Don't give up all hope of finding a poly-friendly guy. We are gradually living in a more and more open-minded world.
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  #16  
Old 10-27-2014, 03:16 AM
Rynn Rynn is offline
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Not giving up just yet, but finding myself more honest with people which is nice. Not afraid to 'come out' as poly so much anymore.

I think it's a shame that my ex still tries to chase a monogamous relationship. He's currently cheating on his gf and cheated many times through our marriage. I guess I look at people like that and think how much easier it would be for them if they really evaluated what they wanted.
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  #17  
Old 10-27-2014, 03:30 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Glad you are doing better on your own!

Too bad the ex prefers cheating to doing the work toward honest polyshipping.

Galagirl
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  #18  
Old 10-27-2014, 06:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rynn View Post
Hello all, sorry to revive an old thread but I thought I would update those who were so kind as to offer me advice. My last post in this thread was in the May. By August 2013 there has still been no change at all but I did find out that he had started an affair. So I packed my things and moved back to the UK with my daughter.

I've been single 14 months now and dated here and there but nothing has ever come of it. My ex-husband is still with the woman he had an affair with. In an ideal world I would find someone who is poly like myself but I live in rural scotland so the chances are very slim indeed. Still, I am happier.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rynn View Post
Not giving up just yet, but finding myself more honest with people which is nice. Not afraid to 'come out' as poly so much anymore.

I think it's a shame that my ex still tries to chase a monogamous relationship. He's currently cheating on his gf and cheated many times through our marriage. I guess I look at people like that and think how much easier it would be for them if they really evaluated what they wanted.
I see my original opinion stated on your thread was not too far off the mark. You gave it a shot, it didn't work out. Good luck back in the UK as a single mom. I hope you find a nice relationship or two, with men who have the maturity and self esteem needed for a true deep bond.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw

me: Mags, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, 37
I am also casually dating presently, and miss pixi is open to dating as well
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  #19  
Old 10-28-2014, 02:04 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Daysleeper View Post
I don't know that it's such a bad thing for your husband to be looking into the future. If he's sure he won't be comfortable with you having sex or seriously dating someone, wouldn't you like to know that now?
I agree. It's wise to look to the future and where this is naturally going to lead. It's a bad idea to get together with other men just to see where this goes, knowing that in the dating world, enough coffee dates eventually lead to a relationship with the right person, if he's opposed to you having relationships...and sex...with other men.

I'm curious how you expect to have time for other men when there isn't even enough time for the two of you.

Maybe strengthening your marriage and making time for the two of you should be the first step.
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  #20  
Old 10-28-2014, 06:09 PM
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Ummm, you might want to read Rynn's update.
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