Another guy who sees sex as something men do TO women instead of WITH women... or A woman... You know what i mean.
I still think that his "no" means "no" even if he gets to the root of all his issues. He's just "maybe-we'll-see-let's-try-ing" because he doesn't want to lose you. Some people are just not compatible with nonmonogamy. It's like, i'm afraid of heights. It isn't intellectual or rational. It's a physical feeling that i get even if i'm standing behind a wall or a window, i feel like something will pull me over the edge if i stand too close. So i don't go bungee jumping or mountain climbing. I realize people get over "phobias" all the time, but sometimes it just isn't worth putting oneself through it. I could go swimming or skating instead! It's that way with careers, education, relationships, etc.
Besides, if he's eavesdropping on you ALREADY, imagine what it will be like when you ARE talking to "some other guy".