Originally Posted by LovingRadiance
As for the slave who died-that's just something I can't even imagine standing back and allowing as a person. I don't give a shit what lifestyle a person leads, when a life is on the line-it all goes out the window IMPO. Parents who don't believe in medical care for religious reasons, Masters/Doms who say no to medical care-all can just FUCK OFF.
I have a M/s relationship. I can't even IMAGINE. Taking the responsibility of M or D means taking the RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE CARE AND WELL BEING of another person-much like a parent. It does not mean having the freedom to abuse them or stop them from getting their physical, mental, emotional, psychological, medical etc needs met. It means ENSURING that they get those met.
LR, I agree and hate myself for not overstepping boundaries and being more forceful. Our friend kept most of this to herself--I knew about the financial abuse and the restrictions but she didn't tell me just how sick she was. She was a very introverted and private person and, well, yes--secretive. She didn't want anyone to know and she stayed with this woman for fear that if she left, the community would side with the 'lady' and the slave would be shunned. She was very insecure.
[/QUOTE]It is so important that one have a strong sense of self in BDSM. That's true anywhere but BDSM has real psychological and physical dangers. The pyschological dangers are more pervasive and threatening in my opinion because one can be relatively easily taught to swing a whip safely. It's a technical skill. The moral, emotional or pyschological skills are much harder to develop - they require empathy, love, and care be already present. One can be taught how to be an ethical master, top dominant, submissive, switch, or slave. But someone without ethics, or compassion or empathy, like the sociopathic mistress, can mimic a 'good' top or dom by picking up the technical skills and just enough to pass on the pyschological skills.
I have met a lot of secure, strong submissives and slaves locally. I have also met a few submissives or slaves who so lack a sense of self that they felt like a sucking black hole to me. I've met a few who were desperately needy - which made them desperate to please, no matter the cost. Your friend perhaps sounds like these people. Her 'mistress' is responsible for that tragedy. No question. That was a classic controlling and abusive relationship with M/s as the mechanism for the abuse. [/QUOTE] i have also met people like this and i am afraid my friend was so needy that she really couldn't function without strict control. But, as has been said, control isn't abuse and this was.
A group of us have discussed how we failed her and how we will never let anything like that happen again if we can help it.