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Old 05-10-2013, 07:03 PM
Natja's Avatar
Natja Natja is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 836

Ah cool, I can understand Nails to a certain degree as maintaining two (or more) full relationships can be tiresome and I am not too sure I am all that bothered either, not that I want monogamy either mind...
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Old 05-10-2013, 08:24 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

"I think it was an illusion because she was caught up in it and then realized I wasn't what she wanted."

Yep, that'll happen. :/ I would've fallen into much the same trap she did if my gf and her husband hadn't already been through one failed unicorn experiment, which taught them not to try to push things in that direction. It would've exploded in a different way, due to his lack of interest in me rather than my lack of interest in her, but it could've been just as unfortunate. It sucks when we have to learn things the hard way.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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Old 05-11-2013, 10:30 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,711

Originally Posted by sortafairytale View Post
If she wants Nails well I can't do anything about that and Nails has already made it very very clear he wants no side relationship with her on his own if she and I are not in a relationship. He isn't looking for a girlfriend for himself, he only wants a girlfriend for us. Help…please.
I was going to respond to this bit one way (i.e. the pitfalls of expecting all relationships to proceed at the same pace, etc. etc.) and then I read on...

Originally Posted by sortafairytale View Post
As for the package deal. That was just how it went. It caught all three of us by surprise and we went with it. ... Nails and I talked and right now he's pretty certain that if this happens again the woman will have to either want just me or both of us. He doesn't want another woman and he doesn't think he's poly to the degree of running two or more relationships. Friendships with the possibility of sex now and then is more of what he wants. It doesn't mean that won't change later, it's just how he's feeling for now and how he was feeling for the last month or so.
So it really does sound as though the two of you are open to a LOT of different possibilities:

Girlfriend just for you.
GF for both of you (?possibly to different degrees? - more into one of you but still interested in the other?)
GF for you who is FWB for him.
FWB for him only.
? FWB for you only ?
? FWB for both of you ?

And that the possibility of:
GF for him only

is pretty much not on the table for him currently.

It looks like this has clarified some things for the two of you and you have the experience of this relationship under your belt now. I'm sorry that your "GF for both of us" turned into more of a cowgirl...not all relationships are meant to be.

Live. Love. Be Happy.

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (5+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic girlfriend and BFF
Lotus: "it's complicated"
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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Old 05-12-2013, 01:41 AM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Crazytown USA
Posts: 1,885

I think sometimes when you get beyond the initial lust and attraction you get to know the person better and realize they aren't for you. I've heard this happening often in a triad situation where the "third" prefers one partner over the other. It's a shame it has to be a package deal because this could very well happen again and again.
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Old 05-15-2013, 07:59 PM
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sortafairytale sortafairytale is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: florida
Posts: 29

Thank you to everyone who chimed in on this. I really appreciate it. Things have gotten ugly with Giggles and it makes me sad because I was hopeful that the friendships could be salvaged and hopefully not completely fade. I'm not good at letting people I care about go. I'm still friends with most of my exs because once I care I tend to care forever. Giggles has decided that everything is my fault and that I was verbally too abusive to her. Both Nails and I are completely confused about what I ever said to her that she has found so offensive and Giggles is not elaborating.

I'm exhausted mentally and heartbroken but I'll get through it. Forgot after almost 17 years of being with Nails how much breaking up sucks ass!
Sortafairytale: 40/me/Bi
Nails: 42/husband married 16 year together 18/straight
Pumkin: 25/my kissy face friend sorta gf
John5: 38/Pumkin'a BF and good friends with Nails and myself
Snuggles: 25/dating Nails and Me
Giggles: 37/the ex-girlfriend

Buzz: 20/oldest son adopted at 2 by Nails
Stitch: 17/youngest son with Nails
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