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  #21  
Old 01-19-2010, 08:42 AM
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good point mono, I guess we will never be on a secret invite to have group sex again

I think we just don't fit in to the group that are going and we will be excluded from that aspect, as you say. We will see what dynamic changes as a result, or doesn't...

Perhaps an update at some point...
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  #22  
Old 01-19-2010, 02:19 PM
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I think we just don't fit in to the group that are going and we will be excluded from that aspect, as you say. We will see what dynamic changes as a result, or doesn't...
Can I suggest that as opposed to not fitting in with the group, we just don't fit in with that activity. We fit in just fine with them doing other activities. I don't perceive it as life altering or polarizing. ...an update is definitely in order
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  #23  
Old 01-19-2010, 02:27 PM
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Can I suggest that as opposed to not fitting in with the group, we just don't fit in with that activity. We fit in just fine with them doing other activities. I don't perceive it as life altering or polarizing. ...an update is definitely in order
I think that's a great way of approaching it - I have friends with whom I have some interests in common, and not others - I do those things with them that we have in common and they can do the other things they enjoy without me.

If the topic of conversation starts to be limited to those activities, of course, or if I feel pressured to do those things, then that may change how I feel.
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  #24  
Old 01-19-2010, 08:35 PM
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Originally Posted by sisterinlove View Post
Perhaps, for me, the best perspective to have is that a label can help to explain (not define) a portion of who I am so that others can understand. There is no one label that can truly explain the whole of an individual and their situation, except perhaps "complicated." So when someone comes along and gives a different view or invites me to something that does not comfortably fit my own view of that label, I can just smile and shake my head and say "Not really my thing, but thanks for thinking of me." No judgement, no distaste, and something new to ponder so that I can understand myself a little better.
I think this was wonderfully said !
I was particularly struck by the (my) BOLD statement.
But I relate to the simplicity of this outlook as it gives room for all the inherent variables but also leaves open the chance for some introspection.

Thank you

GS
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  #25  
Old 01-19-2010, 08:42 PM
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Can I suggest that as opposed to not fitting in with the group, we just don't fit in with that activity. We fit in just fine with them doing other activities. I don't perceive it as life altering or polarizing. ...an update is definitely in order
I like this a lot too Mono !
I think if you don't have this kind of insight it's easy to stray over into the area of (unknowingly) stereotyping people unjustifiably. It's like.... "this person must be <insert label> because they enjoy <insert activity>. Although a statement like this could be accurate in some cases it certainly isn't in all and like you said - we don't really want to be building walls where they aren't justified.

Nice point
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  #26  
Old 01-19-2010, 09:05 PM
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I should of called this thread "poly complicated"

It still makes me confused... Like a vegan pig roast my friend said. I guess its just all got to settle for me.
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Old 01-19-2010, 09:18 PM
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It's like.... "this person must be <insert label> because they enjoy <insert activity>.
What I see as even more of a problem is the reverse - "this person is <insert label> therefore they should (or shouldn't) enjoy <insert activity>"

To me that is using labels prescriptively which I find really unfortunate.
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  #28  
Old 01-19-2010, 09:31 PM
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Okay. So could someone share what this prescriptive and descriptive labelling is for me and others who are confused? There seems to be a theme for me today on the confusing thing. It came up several times on other threads and I don't really get it. Thanks
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  #29  
Old 01-19-2010, 09:39 PM
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Okay. So could someone share what this prescriptive and descriptive labelling is for me and others who are confused? There seems to be a theme for me today on the confusing thing. It came up several times on other threads and I don't really get it. Thanks
I'll try, since I used it....

Descriptive means that a term describes someone. Prescriptive means that it dictates how someone should act.

So let's take a non-relationship example - if you are a vegetarian and suddenly for some reason get a craving to eat a juicy steak once a week, you have two choices. You can say to yourself "I know that eating a steak would violate my being vegetarian, but I really want to eat this steak regularly so I will stop calling myself a vegetarian". That is using the term descriptively - it describes your actions.

If, however, you were to say "I am a vegetarian. Vegetarians don't eat meat, so therefore I shall not eat meat." That is using it prescriptively.

Hope that makes sense - maybe someone else can come up with a better example.

Found this example, too - http://www.existenceiswonderful.com/...scriptive.html (the latter section)
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Last edited by CielDuMatin; 01-19-2010 at 09:45 PM. Reason: found example
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  #30  
Old 01-19-2010, 09:40 PM
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Okay. So could someone share what this prescriptive and descriptive labelling is for me and others who are confused (there seems to be a theme for me today on the confusing thing)? It came up several times on other threads and I don't really get it. Thanks
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