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Old 05-14-2013, 07:02 PM
goosegirl goosegirl is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 5
Default Hello!

Hi, everyone. Sorry that this is such a long post... I'll probably just be lurking around here but I wanted to introduce myself nonetheless.

I am 27; my husband and I have been together for six years, married for four. The thing that complicates everything is that shortly after we met, I had a series of health crises that didn't let up until about three years ago, with repercussions that only ended just over a year and half ago. Everything is fine with my health now, with no problems expected in the future (at last!) and neither of us could be happier about that. Complication comes from the fact that, for a long time, I had no sex drive--there were times when I was feeling better and we'd have sex for awhile, but mostly there were long periods when I just wanted to lie in bed and be miserable... which made it easy to forget the complicated friendship I had with my high school boyfriend and his best friend, or the pair of housemates I'd gotten involved with on and off. When you're having sex maybe once a month and not particularly enjoying it, the idea of polyamory starts to seem like a thing that only healthy, attractive young people get to enjoy.

I didn't actually know that polyamory was a thing until a couple months ago. I adore my husband; he's honest and kind and attentive, etc., etc. Our relationship is not lacking, we've been having fantastic sex since my drive returned, and my first few Google searches were basically along the lines of "why do I still want to have sex with other men?" I thought maybe if I could get my husband to agree to a MFM threesome, I could get it out of my system--except that I didn't just want the threesome, I wanted to have dinner with this guy, get to know each other, hold hands in the freakin' park and snuggle afterward... then we could make breakfast the next morning and go to a museum the next week. He'd have to like museums, because my husband hates them and never wants to go with me. Once I'd had that thought, I couldn't let go of it. I felt horrible about it, because I had never mentioned the housemates or anything to my husband, and had no idea how to bring up the idea that I might want to open up our marriage.

We ended up talking about it last week--and, to my surprise, my husband had no problem accepting that I think I might be poly. While he is okay with it in theory (or orientation, I guess?) he still isn't okay with putting it into practice, at least not yet--he says he's not sure if he could ever "share" me, which I'm not sure how to feel about. I didn't know that the relationship he had with the girl he was dating before meeting me was open--but it ended poorly, and I think that might have colored his opinions a little. For now I am just really happy that he didn't immediately shut down or anything and that he recognizes my feels as valid--I want to give him time to adjust to the idea before trying to talk about it more, but I feel as though it's still a huge step forward (and also a relief!) Any advice or anything that anyone has to give would be incredibly welcome.
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Old 05-14-2013, 08:04 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 13,504

Hello goosegirl,
Welcome to our forum.

I guess my advice would be to start reading and learning about poly. We have a Golden Nuggets board you could start with. Also there's the book "Opening Up" by Tristan Taormino, and Franklin Veaux's poly pages. You can post again here whenever you have a thought or question to share.

As far as your husband is concerned, I would give him some time to think (three weeks? six months?) and bring up the subject of poly again. You might also request that he do some reading on the topic, such as this site, Opening Up, etc.

I'm glad to have you onboard.
Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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