Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1681  
Old 05-13-2013, 03:50 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,633
Default

A minute at a time. That's advice I have been trying to live by. My anxiety, fear and despair spiked today while Mono was at work and I reminded myself that I will not fall over, I will not vomit, I will not lose everyone and everything; I will move through each minute and will find the calm.

So much more to come I think but I am practicing with each breath.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #1682  
Old 05-13-2013, 04:02 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is online now
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,086
Default

That's a day's worth of minutes you successfully survived.
Hugs
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #1683  
Old 05-14-2013, 04:14 AM
Anneintherain's Avatar
Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 820
Default

Something you said earlier reminded me of this poem by Richard Brautigan. I empathize with what you are going through, and having a bit of a stressful time myself, so I've been keeping this in mind.

Karma Repair Kit: Items 1-4
1. Get enough food to eat, and eat it.
2. Find a place to sleep where it is quiet, and sleep there.
3. Reduce intellectual and emotional noise until you arrive at the silence of yourself, and listen to it.
4.


I hope you keep managing to take care of yourself, that's the important priority.
__________________
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Reply With Quote
  #1684  
Old 05-14-2013, 04:37 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,633
Default

Today Mono decided in a feel good moment to stop by and visit with T at her work. He wanted to find out how she felt about their progression and ask if she was really interested in seeing where they go. She is. He is. It is.

I found out he did this as he was doing it as I was texting, calling and messaging to see if I could see him quickly before returning to work. He texted me and said he was with her. I hit the roof. All the paranoia and distrust came up. All the threat, fear... all came up over the afternoon.

This morning I had a glimmer of peace, hope and happiness and its gone again.

Yes folks. I am one of those poly posters that is losing their mind because their boyfriend is trying out poly. I can relate.... this is so fucked up. I feel like banging my head against a wall in the hopes I can just let it go and trust... have faith. What the hell is wrong with me. I should know that any connection he has to other's doesn't diminish ours yet the years of him telling me otherwise and my belief that he is different and that our love is different has fucked with my head. Its not different. Its the same 'ol same 'ol. I remain disappointed and right now; angry at the world.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #1685  
Old 05-14-2013, 04:39 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,633
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anneintherain View Post

Karma Repair Kit: Items 1-4
1. Get enough food to eat, and eat it.
2. Find a place to sleep where it is quiet, and sleep there.
3. Reduce intellectual and emotional noise until you arrive at the silence of yourself, and listen to it.
4.


I hope you keep managing to take care of yourself, that's the important priority.
number 1 seems covered for now. Number 2 isn't and neither are the others. Hmmmm. Something to think about.

Thanks.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #1686  
Old 05-14-2013, 11:54 AM
Matt Matt is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 89
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Today Mono decided in a feel good moment to stop by and visit with T at her work. He wanted to find out how she felt about their progression and ask if she was really interested in seeing where they go. She is. He is. It is.

I found out he did this as he was doing it as I was texting, calling and messaging to see if I could see him quickly before returning to work. He texted me and said he was with her. I hit the roof. All the paranoia and distrust came up. All the threat, fear... all came up over the afternoon.

This morning I had a glimmer of peace, hope and happiness and its gone again.

Yes folks. I am one of those poly posters that is losing their mind because their boyfriend is trying out poly. I can relate.... this is so fucked up. I feel like banging my head against a wall in the hopes I can just let it go and trust... have faith. What the hell is wrong with me. I should know that any connection he has to other's doesn't diminish ours yet the years of him telling me otherwise and my belief that he is different and that our love is different has fucked with my head. Its not different. Its the same 'ol same 'ol. I remain disappointed and right now; angry at the world.
You're human, and change is hard to adapt to. How is it phrased on here...the new normal? You have to get used to it. What was is no more, and what was familiar has changed. Do as you've probably advised others to do in this situation. It's hard to take your own advice. I'm not the best at offering words of comfort, but I'm sure it'll be alright.
Reply With Quote
  #1687  
Old 05-15-2013, 01:28 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,633
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Matt View Post
You're human, and change is hard to adapt to. How is it phrased on here...the new normal? You have to get used to it. What was is no more, and what was familiar has changed. Do as you've probably advised others to do in this situation. It's hard to take your own advice. I'm not the best at offering words of comfort, but I'm sure it'll be alright.
Thank you Matt.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #1688  
Old 05-15-2013, 12:40 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,483
Default

Quote:
My anxiety, fear and despair spiked today while Mono was at work and I reminded myself that I will not fall over, I will not vomit, I will not lose everyone and everything...
RP, this is very extreme. An actual feeling of nausea and of losing EVERYTHING because Mono has chosen to be poly, it just doesn't make rational sense, although I know it comes from deep within your psyche.

I recall going through a serious depression when my ex h got a gf... Even though we made the decision to try polyamory together, the reality of it turned out to be so unlike my imagining (so unpleasant), I totally lost it.

My husband saw how low I had sunk and signed us up for marriage counseling. Our counselor almost immediately diagnosed me as having clinical (situational) depression, and recommended an antidepressant for me, which, along with therapy, helped a lot. It sounds to me like with your extreme feelings of loss and being abandoned by everyone in your life because of the actions of one person... maybe you need some professional help? Individual therapy? Couples counseling for you and Mono?
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
Reply With Quote
  #1689  
Old 05-15-2013, 03:14 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,633
Default

Maybe I do Mag. Although I get better every day. There are deeper issues for sure. A lot of which I brought on myself by pushing people away. I hope to create a new balance created on a new foundation. One that is sustainable for me. Work in progress
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #1690  
Old 05-15-2013, 04:37 PM
NutBusterX's Avatar
NutBusterX NutBusterX is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Central California
Posts: 98
Default Chrysalis

Redpepper,
My name is Jim.
I started reading this blog about a week ago, plus or minus. I started at the beginning and read it through to the current days.

You and I emote in very similar ways from what I've read in your posts. I process things like this very hard and take on feelings from others, as well. It's grueling sometimes. The phrase I use is "big feelings, big bruises." I know you're currently in a crucible of doubt and pain and feeling helpless at the moment. The good news is, I also know from this place you are in right now, an evolution will occur in you.

You will get through this. You will find your way through the "lost" and out of the dark.

Lots of people say we are "never given more than we can handle." The often overlooked and nearly never stated part of that idea is that sometimes we aren't given "any less than we can handle."

Take heart, friend, for this is not your end.

chrysalis chrys·a·lis noun \ˈkri-sə-ləs\
2: a protecting covering : a sheltered state or stage of being or growth- Merriam-Webster.com

Last edited by NutBusterX; 05-15-2013 at 04:39 PM. Reason: phrasing
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
bdsm, boundaries, breaking up, casual sex, children, coming out, coming out to family, communication, family, foundations, kids, ldr, ldrs, mono poly, mono poly dating nature, mono/poly, moving in, negotiations, poly-fi, poly-fidelous, redpepper, rules, swinging, third partner, vee

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:02 AM.