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Old 05-14-2013, 03:09 AM
shrivelwood shrivelwood is offline
New Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 2
Talking New here.. and new to Polyamory :$

Hey there,

Just thought I'd introduce myself and explain my situation a little...
I'm a 25 y/o male, with a 24 y/o fiancÚ We've been together 3 years now and we've always been very open when it comes to sex. She's openly bisexual, whereas I consider myself more Bicurious.

We talk a LOT about inviting other people into our bedroom as its a common fantasy we share, we've managed to involve both a male and a female into separate occasions, though we struggle a lot because very few of our friends are as open minded as us.

This is my first problem... because we're on a never ending mission to find someone who will join us in the bedroom so we can experiment, we've approached many of our friends, who seem eager when they've had a drink but then after a short game of strip poker or something they draw the line at which they are comfortable with... (this is more than fine with me i never try to push peoples boundaries and would never let people do something they're not comfortable with) but anyways... the next morning or days following things just get real awkward, and then they distance themselves from us, and we end up losing friends. =(

recently though... my fiancÚ and I, met up with an old school friend of mine, and we talked and flirted over text for weeks before meeting up with her for a very sexy night. (I say school friend loosely... In school I was madly in love with this girl, but the feelings were always one sided)... Sorry going off track, So soon after we had this amazing night together, she met a guy online and began dating him, this didn't stop the flirty texts, sexy pictures, and future plans to meet up again!

Rather than cheating on her new boyfriend we all decided to play some games; drinking, stripping & dares. Soon the night got very sexual again, other than the fact her new boyfriend just wasn't "in the mood". So that night ended and it caused a lot of friction between the four of us, and he got very jealous of her speaking to us. Since then me and my fiancÚ have promised to behave so she can have a shot at making it work with her new boyfriend. This was all going great until one night, after many drinks, everyone else has gone to bed except myself, and the girl I knew from school. As she was a bit tipsy herself, she confessed to me that she loved me all the way through school, and she still loves me now.

I have to be honest it really blew me out of the water, I mean i'm due to get married to a woman I love in 2 months, and here I am sitting with a girl I loved for many years telling me she felt the same. Needless to say she got embarrassed and made a quick exit to go to bed...

Because I share everything with my fiancÚ, i woke her gently and confessed the conversation that just took place, she was a tiny bit shocked, but to be honest it was more a feeling of "I told you so" because she had once said it was clear the way she spoke to me that she had feelings.

So Anyways... After that night, I've been having increasing feelings about inviting this girl to be part of our relationship, It seems really arrogant for me to say this... But I genuinely feel that neither my fiancÚ or this other girl, will find anyone who will love them and care for them as much as I do, not to mention the added bonus of the bedroom antics.

I have spoke to my fiancÚ about this, shes fully aware of the feelings I once had, and the fact that these feelings may be resurfacing, We talked in great depth about how different things could have been if only a few things were changed etc. My fiancÚ trusts me as much as I trust her so she was able to tell me her worries, she confessed saying that she thinks she might get jealous of having to share me with another woman. But she seemed much happier when I explained she would be both our girlfriend, (hard to explain really, like there'd be Me & Wife, Me & Gf, Wife & Gf)...

(of course I haven't mentioned any of this to the girl because she's attempting to make her current relationship work, and to be honest i really need to be clear in my own mind about it before suggesting it lol)

So what I guess I really wanna know... is it okay to love 2 people at once? and why should it always have to come down to a choice? I mean, I would never turn my back on my fiancÚ! but in a "traditional" relationship, if one person develops feelings for another it usually signifies they no longer love the original person which ultimately leads to a break up.

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