Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-13-2013, 04:12 AM
Anneintherain's Avatar
Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 826

Originally Posted by Ssandra View Post
I do get it, this is a difficult situation for him, he feels like he is cheating on both of us, even when he knows he is not. He is just not dealing with that in a way that I consider very constructive long term.
I'd just point out that his actions (omitting details, not being upfront) are what somebody does when they ARE cheating, so of course that will contribute to his feelings of guilt if he is acting that way. It sounds great that you and her get along well, that should help with you both wanting the same transparency from him!
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Reply With Quote
Old 05-13-2013, 05:57 AM
NovemberRain's Avatar
NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 712

Originally Posted by Ssandra View Post
I sat down with her yesterday, and she agreed with me. For some reason my husband is terrified of spending time with the both of us at the same time.

I get that it might be uncomfortable for a bit, but I personally think that the sooner we all get over that, the better.
I just had to share. When I started with my two boyfriends, they were best friends for over seven years, and I had been with each of them monogamously. (we were like the three musketeers)

I was terrified of being with them together, after I started seeing both of them. We formed the vee in January, and we were not all together until christmas eve. Furthermore, it was at his mom's! I was completely freaked out. And five minutes after I arrived, it was fine. I was a perfectly lovely holiday dinner/evening.

So, maybe it will help him to hear my story. Even people who are already very good friends can get freaked out about this. So worth it to do it, and normalize it, and get on with being happy and not feeling guilty.

Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who now lives in a house far away-with stairs I can't climb)
Reply With Quote
Old 05-13-2013, 04:49 PM
Nox Nox is online now
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 328

T hates knowing about her metamors. So, it took me over a year to communicate that her telling me about mine makes me feel closer to her, not farther apart. She doesn't understand, but accepts it. She doesn't want to know details about her's still.

So, I don't think you're being hormonal at all. He probably is trying to protect you because that's how he would feel. You just have to persuade him that it makes you feel better and not worse.
Me: 43 straight male in a V with
Kay - mono female - married 20 years
Txgirl - 2 year relationship
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 07:26 PM.