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  #21  
Old 05-09-2013, 12:15 AM
Matt Matt is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
Holy full-circle-city, Batman!

At least you finally came around after your daughter made her feelings known.

Have a good future.
Always on time, BoringGuy. Always on time. I couldn't ignore her feelings. I'm soft when it comes to the kid. Thanks.
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  #22  
Old 05-09-2013, 12:40 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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It takes a village!
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The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #23  
Old 05-09-2013, 12:49 AM
Matt Matt is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
It takes a village!
It does.
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  #24  
Old 05-09-2013, 03:16 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Originally Posted by Matt View Post
It probably will be easier working as a team than going it alone. I don't know. I'm used to being at odds with my Mrs. Working with her isn't in my blood. That's going to take work like a job. I need benefits or something out of the deal if I have to work with both of them.
This made me smile knowingly.

I'm glad you are all speaking and considering the best interest of the kids-regardless of the final result-it's a good step from a parental perspective!
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  #25  
Old 05-09-2013, 03:14 PM
Matt Matt is offline
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I've spent most of the day with my Mrs. and the kids. We have a date tonight. It was my week to plan it, so I hope she's up for what I have planned. I've made some special plans for the weekend. She's in the dark about them. Months of work and sneakiness went into planning this weekend. She's surprised that I even remembered our dating anniversary.

My lady's ex called and asked if she could come by on her lunch break to see the kids. I didn't have a problem with it. They were getting ready to eat lunch when she got there, so she joined them. I figured she wanted some time with the kids. I owed my Mrs. a lunch date anyway. The Mrs. and I walked down the street for lunch and left her alone with the kids and nanny. The kid said they had fun. Cool with me.
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  #26  
Old 05-09-2013, 07:05 PM
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Sounds like things have taken an unexpected turn for the better. It does my heart good to hear that.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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  #27  
Old 05-09-2013, 11:52 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Glad things are moving toward resolution and better health for all the players in this one.

GL!
Galagirl
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  #28  
Old 05-10-2013, 09:58 AM
Zed Zed is offline
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Default :D

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  #29  
Old 05-13-2013, 12:02 PM
Matt Matt is offline
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Heavy thoughts...

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about something. There is something that was mentioned by a mate who works in the family court system. He's aware of the former polyamorous relationship and Snowflake's relationship with my kids. He explained all the ins and outs, the process, and what could and couldn't be included. Warning or friendly suggestion? I'm thinking it's a warning because his words were cryptic. He knows about my Mrs. making plans behind my back, and this is something she could do behind my back. Reason to be concerned much?

In the region we are moving to, the family court has a provision that would allow my wife's ex to have equal parental responsibilities on paper. It's something they used to do for primarily step-parents or other caretakers directly involved in the upbringing of kids, but it is more open now. I'm sure this would delight my Mrs. and her ex. It doesn't help me to know that the application can be done without my consent. These are the same two people who were planning my kids futures without me, so excuse me if my level of trusting is low. Meaning if my Mrs. wanted it to be done and her old ways haven't changed, she could legally do it, and I'd have to legally fight in family court to have it changed back. I don't think she'd do that, but trust isn't where it used to be. It makes me wonder and question how much she's changed.

If approved, the Parenting or Consent Order would grant responsibilities and rights to her and enable us to still be the legal parents of our kids. With this kind of order, Snowflake could legally have a say in the care of the kids, medical treatments, schools they attend, who they can be around, assist in making decisions with the Mrs. and myself regarding the kids, and all parenting responsibilities. If the order has to be amended, it has to be done in family court and on the record. You can include what you want. I know it's probably a half-decent idea, but I don't know. This would be legally binding. Sorry to say, but I think this is bullshit.

Before, I could just ignore any verbal agreements and all that. Selective memory or honestly forgetting what was said five years ago wasn't impossible. Something legally binding is harder to just ignore because the order must be adhered to. I'm not sure how I feel about her being legally recognised as a co-parent. It's one thing to say it at home. It's another to bring the courts into it.

For the record, I wouldn't go for this, but knowing my wife and her history of going behind my back, I wouldn't put it past her to do this. It's no secret that she wants her ex to have equal say. Legal rights? She'd have a field day. I'm a little concerned. Ry wants what she wants, and that hasn't changed. Neither have those habits of hers.

I don't trust my wife much, but how can I trust that she won't pull some sneaky, underhanded stuff like this after we move? Knowledge is more dangerous than a weapon.

Last edited by Matt; 05-13-2013 at 05:43 PM.
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  #30  
Old 05-13-2013, 02:07 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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To me? Anything "less than" joyful yes is not joyful yes.

"No" is not a "joyful yes"
A "maybe" is not a "joyful yes"
An "I'm not sure if it is maybe" is not a "joyful yes."

Any of those then has to be a NO vote because they are not a joyful yes.

Could not RUSH into life changing decisions and you agree to sign this thing after just getting the kerfuffle settled back down. You can always do it later right? Does not have to be this instant.

Could investigate the law further before the move and before committing to such a thing -- Snowflake is NOT a step parent (legally) because she is not married to your wife. You are. What's the legal standing on that? What are the rights then? Could they apply together anyway and have it be accepted without your input? Are you going to be held to something against your will if they apply without you? Can it be accepted?
It's a valid concern given recent history. Could check out all your options.

And if it turns up YES, they can do that and it could be accepted... Does that affect your decision to move there if you would now be under this other country's laws?

GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 05-13-2013 at 04:58 PM.
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