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  #11  
Old 05-08-2013, 11:15 PM
monkeystyle monkeystyle is offline
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I originally replied thinking you were referencing the cheating Sneacail, but in re-reading it looks like it was about the lying.

I don't think a person gets points for improving the quality of their lies, but that's just me. But if I were you, after 20 years of being around a liar, I might care that the lies are getting better. I'll defer to your experience, as I haven't had to walk down that path. Sounds more like optimism than objectivity, though.

Last edited by monkeystyle; 05-08-2013 at 11:26 PM. Reason: Fixed for change in topic
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  #12  
Old 05-09-2013, 12:07 AM
newme newme is offline
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I agree it is his burden to prove that I should trust him. But without opportunities to show he's not lying how can we build trust? KWIM? Those opportunities seem to be getting to know other people and starting down the poly path sense thats where the mistrust is. I am at a loss about how to build trust again. For 19 years I have trusted him because there was no reason not to. I don't know how you rebuild it. I feel like I am controlling him by not trusting him and I hate that feeling.
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  #13  
Old 05-09-2013, 05:19 AM
monkeystyle monkeystyle is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newme View Post
I agree it is his burden to prove that I should trust him. But without opportunities to show he's not lying how can we build trust? KWIM? Those opportunities seem to be getting to know other people and starting down the poly path sense thats where the mistrust is. I am at a loss about how to build trust again. For 19 years I have trusted him because there was no reason not to. I don't know how you rebuild it. I feel like I am controlling him by not trusting him and I hate that feeling.
You're not controlling him. Kind of the opposite. He's got you fixated as a result of his untrustworthy actions. If he were showing an honorable character all along, you wouldn't be here posting on this forum, most likely. So to me it looks like you're doing the heavy lifting to accomodate him. And yet you feel like you're controlling things? Ha!
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  #14  
Old 05-09-2013, 05:21 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newme View Post
I feel like I am controlling him by not trusting him and I hate that feeling.

That would only be true if he hadn't done something to earn your not trusting him. If he did something to earn your non-trust, then by not trusting him, you are being true to yourself.

Do not hate the feeling of trusting yourself. It is what makes a person real and strong.
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