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Old 01-17-2010, 05:05 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I find it very interesting that so far it is seeming that those of us who have cheated or been cheated on seem to be so concerned about not having that happen again that we are putting perhaps MORE work into our relationships to ensure it doesn't. Could it be that for this reason there is a drop of health and benefit from having experienced cheating?
I wonder if you are right here RP ? I wonder if this is common.
If I'm understanding what you're implying here - and let's try it via a analogy.......

And this is something we see a lot ! (hope this analogy will serve...)

Let's suppose there is a fire and some people are seriously hurt. In theory the first thing we'd do is try to discover the source - the WHY of the fire. Based on what we learned we might then take steps to prevent it or reduce the risk of harm in other ways.
But this doesn't always happen !
As many times as not I've seen a rush to - for example - to rush into effect all kinds of new rules & regulations to require elaborate sprinkler systems, rules for ongoing inspections, creating positions of oversight for all this, etc etc. It may be (if lucky) only later that we stop to ask "WHY" ! Why/how did the fire occur ? If we do, maybe we discover that it was intentionally set by a someone with a grudge.
We've wasted enormous amounts of time and added additional burdens, expenses etc on everyone while we've done nothing to address the real root of the problem. In the mean time, another home is burned across town.

I'm a big WHY person ! Before I take any action I prefer to make sure I have as full an understanding as possible of what led us to a particular event/point in time. Because my first actions will be driven by that.

So when you posted the quote above - it made me wonder. Are people caught in the throes of dealing with affairs and breaches of trust sometimes (or many times) doing exactly this ? Are they rushing to institute all manner of protective mechanisms, rules, tools etc without first having even a clear understanding of the "why" behind the initial event ?
If the arsonist is still at large, will the sprinkler systems save more buildings & lives ? People still die with sprinkler systems installed even though statistically, their chances of survival are much better.

So I wonder............

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affairs, cheating, relationships

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