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  #341  
Old 05-07-2013, 12:07 PM
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fuchka fuchka is offline
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Yay, a post! I was thinking only yesterday that it had been a while since an update from you.

Sorry to hear about some of the tough stuff - fingers crossed for you all on those things.

Glad to hear about the ease you have with your relationship... Really, it's simply as it should be. But still lovely and worth celebrating I reckon
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  #342  
Old 05-08-2013, 12:51 AM
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My reaction is pretty much exactly the same as Fuchka's -- glad to hear from you, so sorry about the situation with your Mom, pleased that everyone is well and that you're getting ever more confident with being open, and very much hoping for good things in your near future.
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  #343  
Old 05-26-2013, 08:42 PM
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Hey you two *waves* Yeah, you are right, happiness should be worth some celebration, fuchka.

Therefore, to not have another month of silence, just a short notice:

After some hectic days, I have had a day full of laziness, love and sex and am totally satisfied and happy. So much for happy, but uneventful posts. As I read most of you are well, I hope that you and I are able to keep this up

And another mental change I was able to observe: I am no longer scared to lose my happiness as soon as I notice that I am happy. I am more secure, more relaxed and able to enjoy the sweet times and this ... bliss is kind of the wrong word, but I cannot think of a better one right now, without being anxious that this may not be ever lasting. Life is beautiful
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  #344  
Old 06-03-2013, 05:42 AM
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I am not satisfied right now. I haven't been for quite some time in regard to one special aspect of Sward's and my relationship: We have got such a bad timing. It is really unnerving and right now especially, as we haven't got much time together generally at the moment. And this is doubled by the fact that Lin's and my relationship is the polar opposite of that.

Bad timing in regard to discussions: I ususally tend to start a discussion, when there isn't enough time to finish it. Like this morning, when I tried to speak up about our timing problem. Yeah, great example how NOT to proceed any further.

Bad timing in regard to sex: We have had totally different rhythms ever since. This isn't new, but the more stressed and pressed our daily scedule is, the more it shows. Which makes us grumpy, which gets my moods stirred up, which gets his moods stirred up, which simply makes me and him even grumpier What kills my mood completely while he feels the need to be close. Bad circle.

Lin noticed that we are having problems and offered an additional evening for Sward and me while he stays in his room or goes out. Sward and I have the flat for just the two of us alone seldomly. This will surely help.

In general all of us are a bit dissatisfied with the 'waiting position' we feel in right now. It's like our life is on hold and some major changes should be just around the next corner .. but this corner is not in sight yet, or better: seems to be too far away for now. One expression of this need to do something productive showed yesterday. Sward was surfing when he discovered a second hand kitchen, just in our neighboring town. And an one year old oven in our direct neighborhood. He called, made two appointments, woke Lin and me and we bought a new kitchen and stored it at home before afternoon. We talked about a new kitchen since the day Lin moved in two years ago, but that was a really fast and totally surprising development for all of us.

I guess I have to be just as active with Sward's and my problem. I scheduled some time and simply set a date for this evening. I have never done that before and am curious if this could be a solution for us. As we don't need extra time to talk, we do that whenever we are together, we will meet for sex and expect just sex this time. Not being grumpy, not beating around the bush, just a different kind of 'quality time'. Feels a bit strange for me, but I am curious how this will work out.
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  #345  
Old 06-03-2013, 06:10 AM
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I'm a big believer in the value of scheduled dates for primary couples. If/when you guys have one or more kids, it will make even more sense to schedule time... at least that's what I've seen in Gia and Eric's relationship, if they don't actively schedule time alone together it just doesn't happen. I'm interested to hear how it goes for you two!

I'm sure that this holding pattern is stressful, and that can't be helping with the various negative cycles... but good on you for recognizing them and taking steps to make change.
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  #346  
Old 06-03-2013, 07:01 PM
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I don't yet know if I am a 'believer' in regard to this procedure, but it seems to work for us. The first date was a success. It was just about an hour long, but we were able to use that timeframe effectively and had fun. We scheduled two dates a week for now and agreed to see how that goes. I was never prone of this scheduled intimacy, but it doesn't feel as awkward as I thought. Just the opposite, we were quite relaxed and both looked forward to it over the course of the day.

I don't know if this is a primary couple thing; I guess it just is a couple-with-packed-schedules thing Lin and I don't have this problem because we have much more time to just be with each other. And the second most important point after the time aspect: Lin and I are more alike. Sward and I are total opposites in some parts. We don't like the same tastes, we don't enjoy the same TV shows or films, he is an early bird, I am a night owl, he is a social animal, I like to stay at home, and so on and so forth.

We will see how the upcoming weeks work out. I hope we found a practicable solution.
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  #347  
Old 06-03-2013, 07:25 PM
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Scheduling time becomes more important as life in general starts to get more complicated. After a while, the schedule may not be totally necessary, but it does help to get back in the habit of making time of each other and give you guys something to look forward to. My husband and I also have timing issues. If I'm wide away, he's exhausted and vice versa. If I surprise him by taking a day off, he's got 50 things he's already committed to doing .
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  #348  
Old 06-04-2013, 12:48 AM
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Ha, yeah, I said that in an odd way -- what I was thinking was that, in many people's accounts that I've read, scheduled dates seem to be a given for secondary relationships... how else would you ever get alone time with a partner you don't live with?... but are not always a part of primary partners' routines.

Oftentimes people seem to expect that if they live together then time for intimacy will just happen. And in some peoples' lives, that's probably quite true! But once you start making time for additional partners... especially with the added factors of busy careers, school, hobbies, kids... that we-live-together-so-intimacy-will-magically-appear logic can start to fail without people realizing why they feel starved for connection with their partner. Just my observation. I'm sure it happens in mono relationships too.
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  #349  
Old 06-04-2013, 07:48 AM
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Totally right, Annabel. That way it makes much more sense and I have to agree. And it is a mono relationship thing as well, because this is an old relict of Sward's and my relationship. Every time he is stressed because of seasonal working schedules or I am occupied with my studies/work, we encountered this problem. When we were alone, it somehow worked out, because there were 7 nights a week, giving us the possiblity for sex, as we never see each other during another time of the day. But not now. This should definitely help, I hope we can establish this new kind of routine.

What I find quite interesting, is that this isn't a problem Lin and I are facing or are likely to face, from my point of view. Even if I haven't sen him all day, we never fail to use our nights. Maybe it is because our relationship is still 'younger' or because we work in an equal way or because he is way more active than Sward or whatever the reason may be, but I don't think that this will ever be a problem for him and me. At least not to the extend Sward and I encounter. Ah well, never say never ^.^

I am still not that comfortable with the thought of actually 'working' on my relationship like that and in that way. But you are right, we-live-together-and-intimacy-will-magically-happen does not work. But I hope, that we just adapt to it and the strict schdule isn't needed any more SNeacail. Because I absolutely know what you described there, spontaneity isn't our strong point for sure when it comes to intimacy. Luckily this seems to be the only factor we need to keep an eye on, the rest is as great as ever.
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Last edited by Phy; 06-04-2013 at 07:51 AM.
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  #350  
Old 06-09-2013, 10:53 AM
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I am so sad today. A mother (probably) lost her baby girl, she was two days old. It is such a shock I am really speechless and can not find the right words. It looks like SIDS; they tried to reanimate her for three minutes, but her brain seems to be dead by now.

Everything about this case remembers me of the possible end Lin could be facing later on. He has been dead for 16 minutes already last time and would not survive such a blow (a reanimation) a second time. He does not want to "survive" with the help of machines while his soul or whatever you can call the spirit of a person is already gone and I know that this is the way it is going to be, but it is so hard to think about it.

Life goes on and it is so ridiculous to watch Sward renovating our kitchen to make our home more comfy, preparing everything for a possible child in our life while those parents suffer because of this tragedy. It makes me afraid of our futur right now. I can not help but see me in their shoes one day.
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