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  #31  
Old 05-07-2013, 06:56 PM
PapaRhino PapaRhino is offline
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Yeah, I know it's not legally binding at all. It's crazy controlling nonsense. I think I'm out of this in 7 months, not four years. It's going to break her heart, but this is too much and maybe it just isn't meant to be, maybe I'll revisit this when I'm ready years down the road, but I am a free man and I will not sign years of my life away. Looks like there's a suite reserved in a lava pit for new girl and I..
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  #32  
Old 05-07-2013, 10:58 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Quote:
New girl told me "I know you're super angry, I wish you were here so you could take it out on me~"

So uh, she wants that
I wouldn't want to be some angry man's dick cushion. Gross.

You need emotional support and she offers you what? The opportunity to service her sex want? What are you? A living dildo for these women? An object, not a person? Grosser.

I'd be leery she's messed up too. Is this one a cowgirl? More than happy to rope you away from the fiancee?

Watch your own back, dude. Could not engage in less than self-respecting behavior.

Quote:
I'm going to college next spring, I signed a contract this morning with her stating that I'd be poly with her and away at college for four years, that I'd see her 2-3 days every week, and that after those 4 years I'd be monogamous to my fiance..if it doesn't hold up, she told me "so your soul burn in hell".
Who is "she" here? The Fiancee?

Listen, you propose marriage to her and now have contracts with her to assuage her insecure? Call it a contract or call is agreements -- it doesn't matter. You both have the right to define your relationship however you please. It is not notorized. It is not legal or binding or anything.

But the INTENTION behind the contract does not seem to be "let's get on the same page and make agreements for how to treat each other so we can handle you going to college."

The intention sounds like "let's keep him on a short leash while he's at college because I don't trust him/don't want him to escape me."

And that whole burn in hell thing -- what kind of respectful thing to say is THAT? After not respecting you enough to leave a note when she's out all night?

If it is a case of "say/do whatever in the short term so I can escape a crazy situation" so be it. But if that is the case, be careful how you access Internet from her home. You don't need her keylogging and peeking and escalataing the drama-lama over there.

Def seek employment elsewhere and a new place to live as soon as realistically possible.

And just to throw it out there -- the tactics of power and control. In case you are experiencing any other behaviors that are off putting and controlling and can't quite ID them.

From EITHER woman. If you are all crushy NRE -- you may not be seeing it all clearly. Or if you easily get sucked back in because they play your emotions -- could guard against that.

Again... could watch your own back dude.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 05-07-2013 at 11:04 PM.
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  #33  
Old 05-07-2013, 11:14 PM
PapaRhino PapaRhino is offline
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Ha, dick cushion, that's a good one. She's a kinky girl, I see nothing wrong with it, of course I want to make passionate and sensual love to her as well. And yeah, she's a cowgirl alright, but I'm okay with it, the stuff my fiance's been pulling lately isn't acceptable and I want out at this point.

And yes, she was referring to my Fiancee. And yes, the intention is "I'll let you do this, but only if you promise you'll come back to be by yourself in 4 years and get married to me"

And yes, the case is one of "Do/Say what I need to to get out of here with benefits " And yes, I'm aware of keyloggers, I'm a pretty in depth computer guy, so I believe I would notice it if it were happening, and I don't think she'd be so intrusive or smart enough to do it, if she does, that just means I leave for school earlier.

I'm watching my own back above all else, and I'm going to enjoy this new girl while I do it, when I go to school I won't be living with her, I'll have my own place, I'm sure she'll be over there a ton though, I'll even let her leave a toothbrush
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  #34  
Old 05-08-2013, 02:11 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Nothing wrong with kink -- just do it safely. Do not edge play while angry or otherwise impaired. Go take kink classes together if you enjoy that scene. Do it well.

Quote:
I don't think she'd be so intrusive or smart enough to do it, if she does, that just means I leave for school earlier.
If you want out at this point? And you can say that casually like you can just leave whenever? Leave now then.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 05-08-2013 at 02:14 AM.
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  #35  
Old 05-08-2013, 02:17 AM
PapaRhino PapaRhino is offline
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Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Nothing wrong with kink -- just do it safely. Do not edge play while angry or otherwise impaired. Go take kink classes together if you enjoy that scene. Do it well.



If you want out at this point? And you can say that casually like you can just leave whenever? Leave now then.

Galagirl
She was merely saying "I wish you were here so we could relieve stress together", and I know more about kink community and rules than her I believe, and I know to play safe :-)

I'd rather wait the seven months so I can have time to save money, get my financial aid sorted out, get my driver's license, and buy a car. And study my general courses so I can potentially test out of a few of them.
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  #36  
Old 05-08-2013, 02:25 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Then you know what you are doing and your preferences. Carry on.

Namaste,
Galagirl
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  #37  
Old 05-08-2013, 04:50 PM
PapaRhino PapaRhino is offline
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Last night my fiance came into the bedroom screaming and crying, pounding her fists repetedly on the bed, "All I can think about is that other vagina, you're leaving me for this other vagina, all I can think about is NAME, NAME, NAME"

Then she made me breakfast in bed this morning.

Then she told me that she hates me while I was in the shower afterwords.

Whaaaaaat the fawk.
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  #38  
Old 05-08-2013, 05:11 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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You're 21 and you've only known this woman for a year. Regardless what other people might have to say about "NRE" or you changing the relationship by moving away to go to school and/or having another girlfriend... That is not how an adult in a caring relationship goes about communicating with their so-called partner. That is the sound of an adolescent girl who just got dumped by the boy next door. People show their best side only at the start of a relationship. Sooner or later, they start to get comfortable and show their worse sides. Eventually we get to see what people are like during a crisis or a fight. That is when they show their TRUE selves.

I am a firm believer that the quality of a relationship is measured NOT by how wonderful things are when they are wonderful, but by how you handle things when things are NOT so wonderful. When i "fight" or "argue" with my partners, it is always ABOUT something, and we are always mindful of the goal which is to resolve a situation. When we can't arrive at a solution right away, we "table" the matter and return to it later, or we agree that it remains unresolved indefinitely yet still requires attention at some point. This screaming and flailing and name-calling are not addressing the real issues.

tl;dr A year is not a very long investment in getting to know someone. People show their true colours during times of crisis.
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  #39  
Old 05-08-2013, 05:19 PM
PapaRhino PapaRhino is offline
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Actually I won't be 21 until this Sept.

And I completely agree, if you love someone you don't make them sign contracts, you don't act like this.
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  #40  
Old 05-08-2013, 07:23 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Again -- if you have the ability to leave now, could change mind and leave now. Wash hands of shenanigans and not look back.

If you want to put up with wackadoodle to wait til 7 mos out, because you get some benefit from that approach -- go with that decision.

If you are not ABLE to leave for whatever reason, and are stuck there? Because of no car or finances or whatever? And are being abused or harassed or whatever? Seek aid. Or?

COULD LIE until you are in a better position to get yourself out intact. The leaving time is the dangerous time. All it takes is a jealous nutter with a gun and the attitude of "If I cannot have you, nobody can!" kinds of crazy. Ugh.

Could break up with the GF chickie to assuage fiancee and get her off your case so you can be safe enough for now.

Could quietly Google how to make a safety plan, then put it into effect. Could call parents or other relatives who might take you in. Could call local aid for abused people to see what "out" you can access.

All up to you how you want to deal with this.

FWIW? Normally I rather be super honest and truthy with people I'm in relationship with.

But when dealing with a nutter? All bets are off. NO. I don't have to be truthful to a nutter. They are a nutter who is making me feel unsafe and posing a danger to me. So screw them. Every person for himself!

I hope you are safe enough over there. Only you can tell the severity of this situation -- you are the one actually living it.

GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 05-08-2013 at 07:25 PM.
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