Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #31  
Old 05-07-2013, 05:24 PM
franchescasc's Avatar
franchescasc franchescasc is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Southern US
Posts: 122
Default Well that was the plan

Exactly Boringguy. But MD brought up not being happy with the secrecy. So unhappy that we were talking about breaking it off. I just don't know whether to ignore that and go with the flow. Or recognize that may be a dealbreaker now.
__________________
franchescasc-32, bi poly female in V relationship with:
FJ-35, married 14 yrs
MD-34, gf for 8 months
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 05-07-2013, 05:32 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,647
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by franchescasc View Post
Exactly Boringguy. But MD brought up not being happy with the secrecy. So unhappy that we were talking about breaking it off. I just don't know whether to ignore that and go with the flow. Or recognize that may be a dealbreaker now.


Aw well... Don't know what else to say. Me personally, i present an outward appearance of being comfortable in large groups of people, but on the contrary i am private and antisocial. So, keeping a relationship a "secret" from the world would be the default for me. It's not something i'd feel compelled to broadcast to the world from my rooftop. Not because i'm embarrassed or uncomfortable or worried what people think - it's just not really anyone else's business.
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 05-07-2013, 06:08 PM
Natja's Avatar
Natja Natja is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 814
Default

I think you'll have to accept that you may not have a future because of the secrecy but just enjoy the relationship for what it is and not about its longevity. Of course it may be devastating for you and her other partner when (I won't say 'if' because there is definitely a time line on this relationship) she decides she needs more, so it depends on whether you can pull back your expectations of longevity and intimacy or whether it will be less painful for you all to just end it now?

N
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 05-13-2013, 01:01 AM
El186 El186 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 17
Default

I am new here and just saw your post. I do not want to go into ALL the problems I am having but I have been in a V relationship for almost 3 years now...I am the secondary. For 2 1/2 years we kept it a secret from everyone. I live in another country now, so it is easy to keep it quiet from my family, but about 6 months ago the wifes parents found out by accident and made a big stink of it...calling HIS parents who made a big stink out of it. It was TERRIBLE being a secret, but it was MUCH better than it is now. Now they all hate me. They are always talking to the wife, trying to fill her head with crap to get her to leave and always asking the kids about our homelife. I am not sure if that is part of the problem or not, but I was FAIRLY ok with the whole poly thing until then. The last 6 months all I have done is wish I was married to the man. His wife is still invited to all the family events, but I, of course am not. So he does not go either, but she will go without us. I often feel that if we were married that they would respect me as his wife and we would get the invites and she would too as the mother of their children. It just makes me NUTS....and has done NOTHING but cause trouble. So while I am not telling you NOT to come out....just know that it has a whole set of problems all its own. Good luck.
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 05-13-2013, 01:29 AM
franchescasc's Avatar
franchescasc franchescasc is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Southern US
Posts: 122
Default Enjoy it for what it is now?

Natja-I guess that's my biggest dilemma. Does this relationship have a timeline on it, or will it just change shape as we grow? She truly is my closest friend right now. No matter what happens, I hope to be lifelong close friends and I know she feels the same. Writing this at the end of a very long day-appropriate words to express my feelings are eluding me.
__________________
franchescasc-32, bi poly female in V relationship with:
FJ-35, married 14 yrs
MD-34, gf for 8 months
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:24 AM.