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  #11  
Old 04-30-2013, 03:22 PM
sterling119 sterling119 is offline
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My wife and I cannot speak from long term experience but we can tell you our relationship is working well so far. A long time friend of our who she actually had been sexual with a very long time ago needed a place to live and within a few weeks became the secondary in our relationship. We all get along well and she loves us both. Wife and I have been married over 20 years, we grew up with boyfriend ( we now call his second hubby). He has a job where he is only home weekends so that may make it a little more easy on our primary relationship but we are all excited when it gets later in the week for him to be back home. He has his own room with a private stairway into the kitchen so he has his own space. We are friendly (no he and I are not involved sexually) cuddle up on the couch with her and she adores the attention of 2 men. He and her have their private time normally on friday, sometimes saturday and sometimes sunday with them either going to our bed or to his room....works our about 50/50. They have what she says is great sex and some nice cuddle time as well. Her and I have all week together and some weekend days although since he is only home weekends he does get a bit more attention when he is here. I know it surly sounds like they are having fun when they are in one room or the other....lol. Once in a while I am gone the whole weekend and they have all of that time together to date, have sex and just enjoy eachother but that doesn't happen all that much for an entire weekend. So far no problems have come up and we all enjoy eachothers company. She is in heaven having 2 men who adore her and she loves us both. It may not work for everyone but it does for us so far. Granted we are only a few months into it and I am sure there will be problems from time to time but overall we have found poly to work well for us. Hope it does for you as well.
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  #12  
Old 05-01-2013, 01:06 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sterling119 View Post
My wife and I cannot speak from long term experience but we can tell you our relationship is working well so far. A long time friend of our who she actually had been sexual with a very long time ago needed a place to live and within a few weeks became the secondary in our relationship. We all get along well and she loves us both. Wife and I have been married over 20 years, we grew up with boyfriend ( we now call his second hubby). He has a job where he is only home weekends so that may make it a little more easy on our primary relationship but we are all excited when it gets later in the week for him to be back home. He has his own room with a private stairway into the kitchen so he has his own space. We are friendly (no he and I are not involved sexually) cuddle up on the couch with her and she adores the attention of 2 men. He and her have their private time normally on friday, sometimes saturday and sometimes sunday with them either going to our bed or to his room....works our about 50/50. They have what she says is great sex and some nice cuddle time as well. Her and I have all week together and some weekend days although since he is only home weekends he does get a bit more attention when he is here. I know it surly sounds like they are having fun when they are in one room or the other....lol. Once in a while I am gone the whole weekend and they have all of that time together to date, have sex and just enjoy eachother but that doesn't happen all that much for an entire weekend. So far no problems have come up and we all enjoy eachothers company. She is in heaven having 2 men who adore her and she loves us both. It may not work for everyone but it does for us so far. Granted we are only a few months into it and I am sure there will be problems from time to time but overall we have found poly to work well for us. Hope it does for you as well.
It does my heart good to hear of a live-in V working so well, with apparently so much compersion all around!

But perhaps the living together thing is working out great because you all have known each other for decades. Not mere months. The OP has known his wife's OSO for a couple years, but only very long distance, with a few visits. I still recommend OSO get his own place nearby for a year or so and see how it goes first. Err on the side of caution.
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  #13  
Old 05-02-2013, 03:16 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Just a thought to consider - in the situations where a cohabitating Vee (or triad) works successfully - I wonder if it hinges on whether or not the participants would have been good "roommates" for each other if there were no romantic connections involved.

In my case, if I were not in the picture, I think that MrS and Dude could have wound up as roommates regardless (based on friendship and lifestyle). We are not ideal roommates in an objective sense...we are absolute slobs, in reality. But we are ALL slobs...perhaps this comes into play.

So, maybe, one of the questions in considering cohabitation is ... if I were single, could I see myself living with this other person anyway?

JaneQ
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (22+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #14  
Old 05-04-2013, 11:24 AM
JustUs JustUs is offline
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Thanks for all the great replies and suggestions! Sterling, sounds like a great situation that developed between the 3 of you over time. Very much the way I see our poly relationship going, my wife adored by 2 men, and all able to hang out and spend good quality time together.
JaneQSmith, I could actually see my wife's boyfriend and I as roommates, even if my wife wasn't involved. I believe during the his last visit, that was 2 1/2 weeks long, he and I actually hung out more, doing stuff around the house, the yard, cooking and grilling and just relaxing than my wife and he, LOL....T is more than comfortable getting up from the table in the evening, saying her good nights and leaving us (the guys) to hang out and talk, have a few drinks, which the both of us are completely comfortable with as well....
Though I do understand that long visits are different from all three of us living under the same roof, hence the reason we are moving very slowly towards that and have made no commitments one way or the other. Time will tell and if we feel it is eventually something we really want to do, than we will move forward, until than good friendships....good relationships and everything that go along with is continue to develop.
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  #15  
Old 05-04-2013, 07:39 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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We have lived together 10 years, openly poly almost 4 years after an affair.

Bf and dh wouldnt be friends or roommates under other circumstances. They do it for me and the kids.

Lots written in my blog on here and in my personal blog aafteota.wordpress.com

I advise take it slow, talk about toilet paper rolls, toothpaste lids, trash going out, all neat freaks? Someone clutter-prone?

One of our biggest issues is the frequency bf cleans out the catbox for his cat. Dh and i both feel this is a daily chore. Bf is a "when it bothers me" person. The floorplan of our home puts the carbox in the laundry room (bathrooms arent big enough) and thats as far from bf's room as possible-near ours. Constant argument.

He does have his own room and I sleep in dh's room. I have my own room if i need space. But mostly use it for visiting grandbabies and my craft stuff.
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