I figured I'd move over here as I've been introduced, and if I'm going to bump my own posts, I should do it in a story/blog forum.
The short version is that I've been happily married for almost all of 16 years. The rare times that I haven't it has either been because I was feeling neglected or I felt my wife wasn't truly in love with me as a spouse. I felt more like a roommate, than a husband.
Part of this stems from the fact that my desire for attention, as well as my sex drive, is at least 3 times higher than my wifes. That number was generated by an exercise where we independently listed our wants and how well they were being met, as well as our perceptions of our partner's wants and how well we thought we were meeting them. Quantitatively, I'd have sex every night. She only feels the need about once every couple weeks.
This issue led to us deciding that I could pursue relationships online. It started well over a decade ago. Only real life physical contact was considered off limits. I was interested in more of a friends with benefits situation. I wasn't looking for a girlfriend. In fact, I was pretty opposed to the idea. One relationship was enough work
2 years ago, I met T. I knew very quickly that she was dangerous for me. Her qualities complemented my wife's so well, that she filled all the holes I had in my current relationship. T was very anti-online relationship too. She liked to fool around but indicated to me that if things got weird, she'd cut and run. I intentionally downplayed my feeling both for me (I didn't want a relationship) and her.
By Christmas though, we had gotten closer, and I wanted to buy her a present. That triggered a change in T's thinking and she began to look at me more intimately. We still were opposed to any official relationship status, but we talked more openly about our feelings.
Roughly a year later, we had a communication issue while in an open chat room. I got my feelings hurt badly, but as we have always done, we talked about it and got it straight. We also realized that we did want to be officially a couple. Since that time, I've been happier than I can ever remember being.
T and I will see each other in July. Sadly it will only be a few hours. We have discussed having a few days a couple times a year going forward. We want to see how it goes in July though, both for her and I and wife and I.
Things now are really good. The issues that I brought up in my first two threads are largely gone. I'm sure T has her secrets, but she's also including me in what's going on in her life (to an incredible degree.) I haven't felt like she's hiding anything, and I'm more secure so it's not really an issue.
My wife and I are trying to work through renegotiating boundaries on T and I. At first my wife was hurt because I wanted to renegotiate. Last time we checked up, she didn't want to say yes until she was sure she wouldn't be furious with me the next day.
I'm having a tough time understanding her feelings. She doesn't mind me having a sexual relationship with T. She doesn't mind me being in love with T. In discussing boundaries, she's said I can hug her, kiss her, and sleep (literally) with her. Last time we start doing a list, the wife drew the line when I asked, "Can I kiss her neck?" But if that's so important to the wife, why doesn't she want me more often?
Anyway, that's where I'm at. Thanks for the support and help on this forum. It's helped us get this far.
Me: 40 straight male in a V with
Wife: Kay - mono female - married 18 years
LDR girlfriend: Susan - poly female - 3 year relationship
Stakes - very intimate friend
Ironically named Farmgirl - local interest