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  #11  
Old 04-28-2013, 03:10 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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I had to google that too. Even being in the LGBT community I hadn't really heard it. Maybe it's because the LGBT people I know that are poly or I talk to poly about talk about it in the same terms I'm used to. Triads, primaries, anchors things like that. Also, even the gay men I know in triads or poly talk about dating like dating and are only in a triad because they literally 'fell' into it after a few years of dating. I don't know. Anyway, this is what I found.

http://trinogamy.blogspot.com/


So I was kinda blown away, but it's basically information on all the ins and outs of triads. Not promoting here, just what I found to tie the words together!
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  #12  
Old 04-28-2013, 03:51 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
I agree. Just mentioning another word I've seen used.



First of all, this is the second time only than I've seen the word "trinogamous" The first time I asked the person "do you mean 'trigamous'?" and got chastised ("Of course I don't mean trigamous! Trigamous would mean I have three partners! I only have two! I'm bigamous.") So I'm fairly confident people are not trying to say trigamous (and I would have realised that if I realised they were talking about a triad. I thought the guy had 3 partners, that it was a quad.)
If trigamous could apply to a relationship between 3 people, then bigamous could apply to a relationship between 2 people, which is a couple, and monogamous would mean celibate.

As for the word "trinomous", I did not actually goodle anything. In French (I'm French), when people are paired up for a project, we call it working in "binomes", and "trinomes" is used for groups of 3 people. I assumed that "trinomous" would be the corresponding adjective in English, as the starting "trino-" seemed to refer to trinomes.

But it's quite possible that the word "trinome" or "binome" or any derivatives are actually not used in English, which would add up to how confusing the term is.

EDIT: just looked up the translation for "trinome" into English. Got "trinomial".
Yes, I pretty much got the same thing you did of course (because it's the same google of course), and just didn't copypasta everything into here (went with 2 of the "authoritative" dictionary sources on the web). Interestingly enough, there doesn't seem to be a Wikipedia page for these words, although "trigamous" had an entry in "Wiktionary". For the most part, it does indeed refer to the number of PARTNERS a person has - not the total number of people in the partnership as a group. And the "-gamous" part refers to the number of gametes/gonads present in an organism (a "trigamous" flowering plant, for example) - I should have noticed that because I like, studied that shit in college, but I don't use much biological terminology on an every-day basis, so I forgot most of it.

Basically, none of these words are linguistically "correct" when it comes to describing a polyfidelitous triad the way we're referring to it right now.
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  #13  
Old 04-28-2013, 07:20 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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There actually is a wiki entry for trinomial, which is the only thing I googled. Well, I googled "trinome translation" and found "trinomial". Then I googled "trinomial" to make sure it was the right word, since translations can suck without context, and it had a Wiki page, although it was only for the mathematical term.

It would probably still be a bad word to use for a triad, though. Just not plain wrong like the one we've been discussing so far.
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  #14  
Old 04-28-2013, 11:05 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by johnrodriguezlax View Post

Are there threads here dedicated to people in... polyfidelitous triads?
No. It's a relationship that is so hard to manage, as are quads, that there is barely a community of successful triad-havers.

The only one barely attaining success is BaggagePatrol's blog, and she's had more triads (and quads, and even Vs) blow up than succeed. (Sorry, BP, but it's true.)

The HUGE majority of poly people here have Vs or Ns going, that is, they might have 2 lovers, and be an arm or a hinge of a V, or one of the 3 might have yet another significant lover, becoming an N or branching out even more.

I'm in an N. I've got 2 lovers, and one of my lovers has a wife. None of us are poly-fi.

Do you want to be in a poly-fi triad?
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  #15  
Old 04-28-2013, 11:40 PM
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I am sure I read a website once called 'Trinogamous' something that stated one could only have a real Trinogamous relationship if all three partners came together at the same time so it is truly equal. It was a pretty bizarre site, I will see if I can find it again.
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  #16  
Old 04-28-2013, 11:48 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
There actually is a wiki entry for trinomial, which is the only thing I googled. Well, I googled "trinome translation" and found "trinomial". Then I googled "trinomial" to make sure it was the right word, since translations can suck without context, and it had a Wiki page, although it was only for the mathematical term.

It would probably still be a bad word to use for a triad, though. Just not plain wrong like the one we've been discussing so far.


"Trinomial" is a type of algebraic equation. I found that too when i was looking because google was filling it in for me, but i already knew what it means. It is not a good term for a polyfidelitous triad. It has a specific widespread use already and there is no excuse to fuck with that, IMU.
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  #17  
Old 04-29-2013, 06:53 AM
calypsoblu calypsoblu is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
No. It's a relationship that is so hard to manage, as are quads, that there is barely a community of successful triad-havers.

The only one barely attaining success is BaggagePatrol's blog, and she's had more triads (and quads, and even Vs) blow up than succeed. (Sorry, BP, but it's true.)
They may be hard to manage, but not impossible. I am in a polyfi triad. We have been together just about 3 yrs now...guess what, our triad has not experienced a lot of the drama others talk about experiencing. We have had some ups n downs, but its all been worth it...and we are still 3 going strong..so dont let others discourage you completely. It can work...if you all work together, as with any other relationship.
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  #18  
Old 04-29-2013, 07:32 AM
Nudibranch Nudibranch is offline
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I can speak up as someone with some experience and success on this count.
At present I am married to my best friend of nearly 25 years (married nearly 15), so well aligned, and a bit over a year ago we added a friend of ten years who approached us both in a way that surprised us all but that has turned out to be an extraordinary gift.

We don't call ourselves a triad, a triune, a trireme, a tricycle, a triskelion, a tripod, or a tri-anything-else. We're just us. And interestingly, it seems to me that our more politically and religiously conservative friends embrace and support us as a tri-unit all the more, without requiring a label nor laying any on us. It's our more liberal friends who try to slam such things into categories and then gossip about them viciously. Which is why we have avoided being out in the liberal organization where we all work: we've seen the gossip applied to others in "poly" situations.

I'm of the view that Michel Foucault espoused in the 1970s and 1980s. It is one thing to do certain acts as inclined. That can be liberating, particularly when they transgress assumedly fixed social orders, and in transgressing them, expand them in good ways. It's yet another when those acts are jammed into categories. That simply reifies the social order's power to define each and every one of us as a category, based on certain behaviors, then police those categories and behaviors.

As soon as those categories and labels come up, people spend more time bickering and dramatizing and intellectualizing over them than simply living their lives with integrity and dignity. I have never had time or energy for that. Like calypsoblu notes, our three-person unit has been entirely lacking in drama. Yes, we have our issues with each other. But that's because we are people, not because we are three people.

It was rough at the beginning for certain reasons involving our all having long-standing habits challenged by our own hearts. It was scary because it was new and unexpected. But all in all, the levels of comfort, support, respect, warmth, and fun have been increasingly, amazingly sweet. I'd rather it be called "successful relating" than any category that focuses on number and implicitly suggests that we aren't normal because of a number.

We aren't normal, by the way, but not because we are three. We are not normal because we have successful, calm, productive, mature, mutually supportive, deeply caring, interrelating devoid of drama and gaming.
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  #19  
Old 04-29-2013, 12:16 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nudibranch View Post
At present I am married to my best friend of nearly 25 years (married nearly 15), so well aligned, and a bit over a year ago we added a friend...
Adding a third always sounds so couple-centric. I like your post except for the concept suggested by this phrase.
Quote:
We aren't normal, by the way, but not because we are three. We are not normal because we have successful, calm, productive, mature, mutually supportive, deeply caring, interrelating devoid of drama and gaming.
That's great. Would you want to share how you began and continued to be so drama-free and respectful for the past year? Did you only become open when this friend came to you and suggested/requested a triad?
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  #20  
Old 04-29-2013, 12:46 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Adding a third always sounds so couple-centric. I like your post except for the concept suggested by this phrase.
Along with the expanded forms of, "We want to add a woman to our relationship/marriage/love life" All three of which I have seen recently.
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